Fat Runner Tough Mudder update.

So after the hilarity of my radio stardom last week Saturday morning heralded the return to the hard yards. It was my eighth week of my CrossFit Tough Mudder Bootcamp.

  • In that eight weeks I have gone from being unable to sleep on Friday night because of how anxious I was about going and the ‘what if I can’t do it’ mentality, to it being the absolute highlight of my week.
  • In that eight weeks I have come to truly appreciate that by the simple truth of me turning up, giving it a go and not quitting even when my legs are screaming, my arms are burning and my heart is about to stop it is pumping so hard that I can do it. I.CAN.DO.IT.
  • In that eight weeks I have, in one session, run six five-minute soft sand runs AND on three of those been able to push a little harder on the last minute.
  • In that eight weeks I have gone from being able to do three rungs on the monkey bars to going the entire distance – about two metres. Sure, that two metres (which I did FOUR times last Saturday) was using the outside of the bars not the rungs, but dudes, HANGING on, holding up my own body weight and FINDING MOMENTUM? So freakin’ proud of myself.
I can do this.
  • In that eight weeks I once stood, facing a wall, a weighted ball in my hands that I was meant to be throwing high above a line on the wall while doing squats and cried hot tears. Talking insulting words to myself about not being good enough and of being a total fraud for even thinking I should be there or could do it.  I know that voice. It’s been with me as far back as I can remember. I don’t know where it came from or why it’s there. I know that doing this and doing Tough Mudder is a very big part of me kicking that voice to the curb. I know it will raise its head as sure as the son will rise but I also know I’m getting better at ignoring it.
  • In fact, in that eight weeks I’ve cried twice – the second time was last week but that was because it was, for me, a brutal training session coupled with being ‘one of those weeks’ where my body just felt like lead. That I can even recognise this is a grand achievement in my book.
  • In that eight weeks I have, with one other CrossFitter, lifted a tractor tire and flipped it. Many times. Fuck that was hard.
  • In that eight weeks I have remembered that doing this, while hard and painful, is fun and makes me feel so good both inside and out.
  • In that eight weeks I have not lost a pound. I am hoping now the thyroid issue has been identified and meds put in place that goal – to lose the 15 kilos putting me at risk of heart disease and diabetes and a life in loose fitting garments – will come into view.





Inside the mind of a novice runner.

*CHIME* Five minutes warm up. Walk
Kim: Ok, here we go.
*CHIME* First interval. RUN.
Kim: Oh crap.
My shins hurt.
My ankles hurt.
What’s that pain there? Is that my hip? That can’t be good. I wonder how long I’ve been going. FORTY EIGHT SECONDS. OH CRAP. Bloody earphones, never work, hate this song, well I don’t really but it’s making me cranky. Oh look, they’re selling. Wow. Eugh, stupid fast old man runner. Hey, concentrate on your breathing, that’s better. This isn’t too bad. Maybe I’ll go down here today, nah, go up the hill and then a bit further and then back up the other road and down the hill. Oh COME ON, that has to be ten minutes…
*CHIME* Second interval. WALK.
(one minute later)
*CHIME* Third interval. RUN.
Kim: OH NO WAY, that was NOT a minute. EUGH. Here we go. Actually, I’m not feeling that bad. Oh man I’m tired, maybe I’ll just walk. NO don’t walk, think of how awesome you’ll feel if you do this and don’t give up. YEAH but that hip is really hurting. Well it’s not ‘really’ hurting but it’s kinda sore and FAR OUT I’m sweating like a bastard and how long have been going? TWO MINUTES THIRTY FOUR?!!! NO way. GOD. Maybe I’ll just call it quits today, at least I got out of the house. NO. KEEP GOING. You know how good you’re going to feel once you’re done. KEEP GOING. I need to change my music, getting bored. Oh, there’s that beautiful house. OH WELL, don’t smile at me then you fat cow, I’m RUNNING and I could give you a smile. Pfft…
*CHIME* Fourth interval. WALK.
FAR OUT this is hard. So tired. Maybe I’ll just walk the rest of i…
*CHIME* Fifth interval. RUN.
God I hate that voice. Is that a stitch? Am I getting a stitch already? Goddamnit. Concentrate on you breathing. Deep breaths right into your lungs. Fuck that right calf muscle is sore. Hey, this is actually going ok. I’m feeling GOOD! let’s keep going! maybe I’ll run all the way to the hospital! Look at me, I have form! Look at how springy my step is. Stupid skinny mol, why are you here? Get thee back to Fitness First where you belong. Nice outfit though, wonder if it’s that fancy equipping dollar skins stuff. Probably. Oh this bra was a bad choice. Owww. Oh this won’t end well. Fuck I’m tired. No you’re not you whingy cow, pick up the pace, do a sprint.
*contemplates spewing*
*CHIME* Sixth interval. Walk.
Oh thank Christ. Can’t breath. Maybe that was a dumb idea. No, sprints are good, next run will be easier.
*CHIME* seventh interval.Run.
*hits pause*
*finally breathing somewhat normally*
ok, the home stretch. Wonder who’s up at home. Oscar definitely. Must put washing on when I get home. Dark load I think. Must ring kindy about Grover’s starting time. Oh damn it, wonder where I put Kasper’s immunization info from the GP, must dig that out. God u hate this song now I mean really, she’s ‘tri’ because she’ll try anything once? PULEESE. DEAR GOD this is the longest TEN minutes if my life. What is that smell? Gross. Oh God, hill. Let’s go. My body is a feather, floating on the breeze, my legs are as light as air, springy like a Gazelle. Gazelle my arse. Fuck that was hard. I’m so hot. Nearly there, nearly there…
*CHIME* eighth interval, cool down.

No wonder I’m medicated.

Today was HARD – everything bothered me – my headphones, the armband, my BODY. But I’m back on track. Mon, Wed and Fri are going to be running mornings and in six weeks I should be running 10kms. Pretty awesome huh.



a few months back I won a magazine subscription to healthSMART from Mrs Woog, some sort of cruel joke as she had all manner of awesome giveaways last year including UberKate jewellery but hey! A magazine subscription! In my year (now ongoing into 2011) of magazine purchasing embargoes.

Then the Boombahs got going and I decided to jump on board.

Then I started C25K.

THEN the beautiful Eleanor bought me a magazine subscription to Runner’s World for my birthday. Cheeky bugger.

Fast forward to this week. I can now run for 30 minutes non-stop and I’ve lost around 6kgs.

The mail arrives and there they are – healthSMART and Runner’s World. Addressed to me.

I swear the earth has tilted on its axis.

BUT – that Runner’s World? SO GOOD.

Here are some things I’ve learnt from my first issue:

– Only increase your output in 10 per cent increments per week.

– Do not go out too hard – you will end up injured and losing enthusiasm (I could feel this happening to me and have realised to just cool my jets and stop being so freakin’ competitive).

– Warm up is important – just 5 minutes of brisk walking gets your neuromuscular system going (ie your brain telling your muscles how to contract) as well as triggering your system to start churning out fat-burning enzymes. And importantly, that five minutes sees your synovial fluid – which helps lubricate your joints – warm up.

All I can promise you is that I will never take up scrapbooking.