Today is Tuesday

I have this post written in my head which is quite serious and weighty but today, after a shocking night of little sleep due to the weather not children (February, you are SO fired) I am feeling abnormally chipper and frivolous. Lucky we’re stony broke as otherwise I’d probably be at the fabric shops and the bookshop spending up b.i.g.


Did I tell you I’ve started swimming laps again? Man it feels good. And bad in that ‘so this is what having a heart attack feels like’. Last week I got up to 40 laps in the 25m pool which would have been awesome had the day before I’d been swimming in a 50m pool and could barely muster f.i.v.e. paltry laps without my heart simultaneously bursting out of my chest and liquefying out my mouth. It wasn’t that I was stopping at the end of each lap in the 25m pool, I was doing blocks of 10, but there’s clearly a difference when you get a micro-stop at the 25m than just having to slog it out to 50.

Today I did 50 laps in a 25m pool. You know the first 20 laps were hard and then something just clicks and I kind of feel like I could just become a swimming Forrest Gump. The water doesn’t resist me anymore, it sort of carries me along, I feel it rush over my lips as I exhale with each stroke. Bubbles rush down the length of my body as my hands push through the water and I just keep going, lap after lap, breathe one two three, breathe two two three, breathe three two three. . .  

Anyway, I’ve decided to invest in some short fins because, according to she-who-knows-everything-about-endurance-swimming Fifi LaStupenda, they are good for building up your fitness.

She has also made me do something really stupid. I’ve said that I will swim the Curl Curl to Freshwater ocean swim in April. Being the type to barrel into things without clearly thinking through the ramifications I said yes before really thinking about what would be involved (swimming! in the big blue ocean! with the sharks! and a gagillion other people who have been training! with a swell! and waves! no ends to rest at! and oh man I’m screwed!) or the cold hard reality that it’s 2km. TWO FUCKING KILOMETRES! See you in May! Just look north for the Rescue chopped hauling me out of the water in a big net. OH THE HUMANITY.


So I’m enduring Eddie McGuire interviewing Wayne Gretsky (at one point Eddie refers to the puck as a ball. God help us all) and I ask Chef, ‘so who’s Wayne Gretsky?’ and Chef, being a bit of a die hard baseball and ice hockey fan (I know, if someone wants to sponsor us to move to Canada or the US just call me) does the whole wide eyes and head shaking caper and just says more slowly, ‘Wayne Gretsky, Poppet, Waaayyyne Gretsky’.

I point out that saying his name slower is not actually revealing any more detail to me about who he is so he tells me he’s simply known as ‘The Great One’. OK, but why? WHY?

Then he tells me in language I understand, ‘He’s like the Gary Ablett of ice hockey except without the dead hookers. Or Tiger Woods without the mistresses‘.

That man of mine, he cracks me up.


I just watched Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir score 110 something in the most beautiful routine AND she was wearing what can only be described as a gorgeous classic costume. Apart from being a classical beauty she skated beautifully and Scott Moir – man, is he the only clean shaven male partner? He is a total package.

I think I missed the Russian (?) couple doing the Aboriginal dance, which might have been a good thing. Putting the whole cultural insensitivities to one side, by all accounts it took the concept of  a nude body stocking to a whole new level. And not in a good way.

The Americans are on now and are dressed to do a Saturday Night Live homage to John Travolta but Ave Maria is playing! They seem to be handling the monumental stuff up well and the routine seems to fit to the … wait. They’re meant to be dancing to this? Then what the hell are the costumes all about? In the kiss and cry and MAN someone attacked them with the Bedazzler.

Oooh, here are the Russians. She looks like she’s got a bad case of varicous veins while he’s come off second best from a battle with the American Werewolf in London, which the music seems to confirm. Their costumes are very distracting. And I’m with Belinda Noonan, the best commentator ever – perfunctory at times, incredibly knowledgeable, sometimes scathing and occasionally generous with the praise –  the whole routine seems slow.

And the Canadians win it!!! WOOT!


You know how Felix bought his own guinea pig from the boys across the road? Well the other two babies died – well, one died overnight after falling ill during the evening (they think it was a tick although couldn’t find one on her) and the other is missing so there’s a happy cat or dog somewhere in the neighbourhood. Suddenly CocoTaco feels very special indeed. Photos to come.


We had a conference call w/ the physio and OT of The Spastic Centre and the physio and OT of Sydney Children’s Hospital to discuss all things OO (Oscar’s Op). You know, the closer it gets the less anxious and stressed about it I am. I’m sure it should be going the other way. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve known this was coming since your kid was 18 months old. Oscar was there for the tail end of the phone call and the girls at the hospital wished him a happy birthday for Thursday (I KNOW! 12 on Thursday!) and asked him if he had any questions. And bless him if he didn’t ask about what he’d get to eat when he was there! The fact it comes around on a trolley was a winning answer!

Surgery is tentatively Tuesday 20 April. In for a few days until pain management is under control. In old-fashioned casts from knees down to toes for three weeks then back to outpatients to take them off, do castings for new AFOs (aka super legs) then new casts (the more lightweight fibreglass variety but still not waterproof due to there being wound sites) back on for another three weeks. No weight bearing whatsoever during that time. At all.


I’m organising our 20 year school reunion and today saw me bed down the date after some discussion with friends – the last weekend in October will see many of us to gather and be totally weirded out that we left school 20 years ago. Crikey.



Olympic highlights

One of the most common refrains from me during this Winter Olympics, apart from my wailing and gnashing of teeth abuot the woeful coverage Channel 9 is providing as the free-to-air TV broadcaster in Australia and just how inappropriate Eddie McGuire is as the host, is how awesome the US snowboarders uniform is. 

My first reaction was, ‘HOW COOL IS THAT- ski pants that look like jeans’. Apparently my intelligence far outstrips many others because apparently many actually thought they were jeans which is, you know, just plain stupid. 

As with many other lounge room experts I adore the figure skating. The ice dancing, meh, but the figure skating – HOOOO BOY I am addicted. This is a strange addiction in that getting to view any ice skating action on Australian TV is as likely as a champagne fountain at a Mormon wedding. (Wait, they don’t drink do they?)

It is my firm opinion that Johnny Weir was robbed of a medal – he should have been on that dais instead of the Japanese competitor from my highly educated and insightful knowledge of ice skating scoring and competition. I mean, his music was rousing. His jumps and expression were outstanding. The Japanese dude fell over. The end.

And tell me, while this was not at the Olympics, you can not tell me Johnny Weir is not a supreme athlete while also being the consumate performer:

Some of been a bit icked-out by Yevgeny Plushenko’s subtle campness, preferring his persona to mirror more Captain Ivan Drago than say, oh, I don’t know, Johhny Weir. I thought it was fun and cheeky and perfect with his music choice. Regardless, dude got silver just for doing that quad so many other men find impossible. 

He’s also done more for the resurgence in the mullet than re-runs of Lethal Weapon 1,2 or 3 could ever do.   

Oh, and the GFY girls once again outdid themselves with this coverage of outfits at the US Championships – I am busting for their round-up of the Olympics competition. 

Meanwhile, if all of that is just too much for your liking, how about throwing yourself down a tube of ice head first at heart-stopping speed. I mean come now, as if that couldn’t be deemed a sport. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the skeleton. I mean, if the Summer Olympic Committee knew a jot about getting in the crowds they’d develop something similar for the London Games. You know like Jamberoo Recreation Park* but a bit more classy. ‘n that.

It’s not for the faint at heart or indeed the modest. And well, we all know what my greatest fear would be:

There also seems to be a hell of a lot of jiggling going on once they’re on that sled (sleigh?) – I reckon there should have been some spanx embedded in them there body stockings

Another realm of the body stoking is the speed skaters. I doubt I have the coordination or commitment to be involved in such shenanigans – all that get down low and go go go but do it going around and around would just give me the shits. 

When it comes to designing the outfits I understand the thinking behind GOLD! what a spectacular idea! what a metaphor! but surely someone on that committee pointed out that creating the impression of an in-built g-string while cutting edge was perhaps more mardi gras than intended. 

More delicious treats of this visual here.

And while I love to think I have the guts to snowboard I know I would be as hopeless strapped to a board as my experience strapped to two skis has been. But if I had an ounce of the talent ‘our Torah‘ I would want shiny gold boot straps and a diamante strap on my goggles too:

Image from SMH website
and while we’re here, here’s some of those awesome US uniforms:
Image from SMH website


* Where you control the action!