News of the world

today I felt the baby move.
I see this as a blessing, as up until this point I haven’t really felt pregnant, just tired, cranky, sleepless (yes this is a feeling), emotional, teary, emotional, tired, sleepless, I’ve just been scared shitless about how a. we have no money, b. we are going to need a bigger car, c. we can’t afford a bigger car, d. GOD I HATE living with my mother, e. we have no money, f. how the hell are we going to manage this, repeat in finitum to the end of the alphabet and over again.
*****
Felix dances like me. This is worrying. Although on second thoughts of how his father dances, a true blessing indeed.
*****
Jasper is such a drooling snot factory at the moment I’ve resorted to him constantly wearing bibs and simply wiping his nose on it rather than constantly seeking out tissues. Yep. White trash and proud.
*****
If Oscar says to “Ogga eat” to me one more time I may well slaughter one of the other children and serve on toast and be done with it. Seriously, the child can eat. And eat. And eat.
*****
Every day I have been on holidays I have had at least one 10-minute catnaps on the lounge. The record is three, the longest was for an hour.
*****
I remembered the other day, that when I was young, I used to virtually live in our next door neighbours house (they were like grandparents to me). When their daughter was over (an elocution teacher I used to see as well) with her children, I would sneak in the front door, sneak upstairs, wake up the baby, sneak back down and then walk out into the kitchen at the back of the house and tell J the neighbour that the baby was awake – so I could cuddle and play with them. I’m being serious. How naughty is that. Only now, on having children, do I realise just how woeful this is. I have to restrain myself from walloping my own children if they wake a sleeping baby. The fact I did this every single week their daughter was visiting makes me love them even more – in that they never held me to account over this remarkable coincidence every.single.week.
*****
We went to the Fox (now with it’s own website!) for dinner last night with friends. There’d been a massive downpour/thunderstorm that afternoon/evening so we had free reign – in one of the most busy kids parks on the peninsula, to not have to queue for the flying fox was AWESOME. Apparently. Needless to say, the boys were soaked from playing in the rain/subsequent puddles-lakes but really, quintessential childhood memories to be had, colds be damned.
I can’t remember where I was going with this story. Sorry.
*****
The 2006 Edingburgh Military Tattoo is on the tele in the background as I type. I love bagpipes. LOVE. One (just one mind you) of the reasons I really really really want my boys to go to Knox is in the vain hope one of them will join the pipe band and play bagpipes. (I know, I KNOW – we can’t afford a bloody mini-van, we live with my mother, as IF we’d ever be able to afford private school fees for FOUR FREAKIN’ children! Let it go Kim, let it go.)
The Top Secret Drum Corps were amazing.
GOD I’m morphing into a senior citizen.
OK, it’s off now, some dude is singing the theme song from The Lion King. GAWWWWWN.
*****
OHMYGOD American Splendor is on SBS, I LOVED THIS movie/docu-drama/whatever-it-is-you call those movies.
Maybe we’ll call it Harvey if it’s a boy.
Seriously, any boys names you guys have hanging around – throw them our way.
Chef has taken to calling the baby Colin, which is making me nervous. Felix wants to call him Saxon, Oscar has chosen Max (which is a frontrunner) and I like Grover.
Yes, I’m just trying to accumulate kids with dog names or start my own Muppets/Sesame Street sideshow.
So boys names, bring them on.
*****
I really feel like mushy peas, mash and gravy from Harry’s Cafe de Wheels. Really.
*****
So grim am I feeling about our financial plight, I read this and seriously think it is a solution…
*****
That is all.

Year in review

I’ve been bleak of late. In fact, since October. It comes in varying waves of intensity that are only exacerbated by, oh, life.

So, in an attempt to be more positive and less narky I have decided to compile a list of events, things, experiences in 2006 that were good, made me laugh, bought me joy or made me cry but in a good way. As opposed to the things that were suckful, which you’ve all heard me bang-on about too long and too hard for our collective good.

  1. Oscar’s experience and growth from being in a mainstream class, and how his school and classmates have embraced him for who he is. The road is still long and rocky and bloody foggy, which irritates the shit out of me, but hey, i’ve trying to be upbeat here.
  2. Felix learning to read and writing stories about things we do on the weekend, which are so much cooler than the things we really did on the weekend. His calling of a family conference to change his name to Obi-Wan. The earnest asking on Christmas morning, “where is my second present from Santa? The laptop I asked for?” The emotional maturity in my little man that sometimes worries me more than being the heart warmer it normally is – e.g. tonight he said, “When someone dies you hold them in your heart so that you’ll never ever forget them.” The excitedness he has in him, which I recognise so clearly in me, that you can literally feel bubbling up inside you and leads to loud voices, even louder laughing and saying the wrong or inappropriate thing – and that I hope he learns to keep it in check a lot younger than I ever did but only when he needs to!
  3. I’m really quite relieved that I find the whole Star Wars concept entertaining, clever and watchable an infinite number of times.
  4. That another remarkable twist of fertility fate meant that, ahem, activities in 2006 will see the completion of our family in 2007.
  5. My friends – in real life – who when I am down, when shitty things happen, when great things occur – are there to share it with me, carry me when needed and always always always make me laugh. Their generosity of spirit takes my breath away.
  6. My family – yes, they* drive me completely bonkers, but again, their dedication to my children is astounding and something I am truly grateful for, to the bottom of my heart.
  7. The revelation that Jasper is each and every day. Did I miss this with the first two? The absolute joy of a personality being revealed each and every day? That he has clear word associations and can act on them – close the door, bathtime, would you like a bottle, are you hungry, where’s hippo, say nigh-nigh. The blowing of kisses, the obsession with being outside, the pushing dogs aside then tormenting them as they sit by and take it, the absolute love affair he is having with Chef, which neither of the older boys had until very recently. He will actually look at me with derision if Chef is present and therefore the go-to parent. I find this beguiling to say the least.
  8. Watching my husband grown as a person. This year he has been the man I knew he could be. As a parent he is stunning. As a husband, just wonderful and as a person, the loveliest I could ever know. He’s funny, sensitive and dedicated. My man.
  9. Here. This place is my solace. I believe it’s been important in not letting me fall completely over the cliff of depression many times over. Thank you for indulging me and my petty grievances with the world. They’re not much in the grand scheme of things, but they’re mine.
  10. This year hasn’t been one of reading for me. Children, work and life have kind of got in the way. I’m back at uni for one semester in 2007 which will force me into reading, but ’06 has been my year of mindless TV. Thank you America’s Next Top Model, Rockstar Super Nova, Grand Designs, Nigella, Love My Way, Spicks and Specks, This Old House, reruns of Seinfeld and Sex and the City, Arrested Development, Curb my Enthusiasm and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It’s been fun. I promise there will be more literature and less popular culture in 2007.

* only my family, Chef’s family ROCKS.

So

the meeting was ‘fine’. I feel it best left at that so as not to Dooce myself.

I don’t really feel like eating anything, but when I do it’s normally things like rice crackers with Kraft Cream Cheese spread or Philly with sweet chilli sauce. I know, bizarre and somewhat horrifying. I also crave sausage rolls, and those big square rice crackers. If I come out of this pregnancy alive I will be nothing if not f.a.t.

People, in general, just piss me off.

Yeah I know, I just glow with peace, love and harmony when I’m pregnant.

Am bored

so taking a break from here for a while.
A while could be a day, it could be a couple, it could be a week or more.
I’m kinda fickle like that at the moment.
I will be back, but am bored, over it and getting kinda narky over nothing, so figure I need some time away from it.

Do-over

Joke asked after my crappy afternoon/evening yesterday if I get a do-over, and lo, it came to pass.

Today I turn 34.

This morning I was woken by Felix rummaging through a box of lego. Ahhh, the sweet sound of morning.

Then I had one of those quintessential parenting moments – one of the ones that makes you think, I’m so glad my life is full of this love, chaos and noise – as opposed to one of the ones like yesterday when I got weeed on in public so effectively it made me look like I’d wet my own pants, rather than by someone else, which on writing was maybe a bit more palatable. Anyway, I digress. The moment when all of your offspring descend on you in bed when you’re still trying to wake up and work out what day it is.

There were chocolates (Lindt milk chocolate balls and Bacis) and homemade cards, lots of kisses, hugs and general flattery to try and get me to give up my chocolates to them then and there, or maybe in their lunchbox.

And that, is the best do-over ever.