Stuff and Nonsense

So I’ve been for a swim three times in the last week. Man, it feels good. I’m going to invest in some flippers because, well, just because.

*****

Yesterday the humidity was in the 30s – THIRTIES – dude, that meant I was able to function as an almost normal human being. Today was quite pleasant too. Oh February, you’re such a tease. A bastard armpit month of a tease.

*****

I’m making a quilt as a gift and following a pattern. It all went awry and when I took it in to my local fabric shop (from where I bought the pattern and fabrics) it turns out my seems are slightly (as in 1/8 inch) too wide and that is enough to throw the whole pattern off. T.D.OUS. The legend in the shop (as opposed to the surly one) actually worked out a solution for me so the finished quilt will be slightly smaller but I haven’t done a heap of work for nothing.

*****

We have been without Pay TV for two weeks now and here is what I’ve discovered:
– the very impressive programming on the ABC – the program on Foreign Correspondent last night which followed a US Army medical unit in Afghanistan (The Golden Hour) was insightful, heartfelt and gripping with none of the, I don’t know, melodrama that normally goes with such stories.  Felix and I were mesmerised.
– Rowen Atkinson’s The Black Adder is just as hilarious as I found it two decades ago.
– I miss SpongeBob Squarepants and Jasper missed Tikabilla but otherwise the children programming we’re accessing is absolutely fine.
Channel 9’s coverage of the Winter Olympics is absolutely woeful. For example, the men’s figure skating today? They showed T.W.O. routines – of lower ranked competitors. That was it. PATHETIC. On top of that, the evening broadcast is hosted by Eddie McGuire, a revolting misogynistic pig of a man who carried on about Dale Begg-Smith’s silver medal as if we’d been robbed, also used the phrase ‘climactic finish’ the other day, commentates with a pen in his hand which he both points at us through the camera and bangs on the desk, and on interviewing Katarina Witt last night asked the same question three different ways (basically how does someone lead a normal life after winning a gold medal) and then went on to ask the same question but spending some time talking about the Playboy issue she posed for. OY.  Meanwhile, the Winter Olympics actually involves skilled sportspeople competing in a whole host of sports – something you’d never know from Channel 9’s coverage.  Eddie McGuire was hauled over the coals once for talking about getting a newsreader ‘boned’ – i.e. sacked for poor viewing numbers. Someone needs to bone Eddie toot sweet to put all of us out of our misery.
– The TV is definitely not on as much and that can only be a good thing.

*****

I’m organising our 20 year school reunion and today finally made the call to the school to start the process. Turns out the ex-student coordinator used to be one of our English teachers. So, that was weird. For those who went to school with me and read this, it’ll be in October.

*****

Felix has expressed an interest in getting an agent.

I’ll just leave that sentence with you for a moment.
Yeah.

So I discussed it with the head of the drama school he goes to on Saturdays and she’s given me the name of a reputable talent agency. Even typing that phrase makes me feel like a dirty cheap white trash show pony mother who’s going to start getting Felix’s hair streaked.  Anyway, I rang them too today (so productive!) and there’s auditions in April. Won’t that be fun.

*****


It’s official, the Turdinator is no more. Now we have a child who runs to the toilet from wherever he is in the house … or yard. Granted, he was going to the toilet the other day and Oscar told him not to do it in their room, so he went and did a massive wee on their bedroom floor, but apart from that questionable comedic hiccup I haven’t had to clean up someone else’s bodily fluids for weeks. I feel like a new woman!

*****

I’ve got a raft of books that need to go back to the library and are now overdue. You wouldn’t think it’d be that hard going two suburbs away to drop a pile of books down a chute but there you have it. Insurmountable physical challenge when you least expect it.

*****
The boys who live across the road from us bred their guinea pigs and today, with his own money, Felix bought one. So now we have three and Felix has ‘his own’. Never been a good sharer our Felix. Anyway, she’s as cute as a button and I’m quite happy to have another addition to the guinea pig clan. We’re considering breeding either Harriet or Matilda with their boar because he’s an abyssinian (the ones with the crazy hair going every direction) and they were the kind I wanted from the outset. The new addition has been named Cocoa Powder Taco. CocoTaco for short. She’s black and brown with crazy swirly hair. Bring it.

Onward!

Stuff and Nonsense

So Mum is currently on quite high doses of steroids to deal with her diagnosis of collitis. The side-effects of this (as told to her by the gastroenterologist) are sleeplessness, a huge appetite and more energy than you know what to do with.
People, my mother is one of those people who never sits still as it is but DUDES, this is ridiculous. In the last week she has stripped layers of paint of a table and repainted it.
They’re going to scale the drugs back due to the hip replacement surgery, which has been pushed back by a month to the beginning of March so she is all, ‘RIGHTEO we have to capitalise on this energy. The boys really need new beds and I have to get the house repainted. I’ve also found this wallpaper which I want in my bedroom.’
Somehow expending energy equates to spending money, which is kind of ironic considering two weeks ago she was all ‘the sky is falling I have no idea how we’re going to survive’ which did nothing for my already well-established state of FREAK OUT.
So get this. On saying the boys (the bigger boys) needed new beds (because Oscar was going to need a good bed when he has his surgery later in the year) I pointed her in the direction of a company’s website featuring beds I’d been looking at for the last five years.
She sent me and Chef and the little boys off there today with an envelope stashed full of cash to the wilds of the west to purchase said beds.
She’s a good (and outrageously generous) woman that mother of mine. Even if she does do my head in on a more than regular basis.

*****

Chef’s restaurant was reviewed in the Sun-Herald yesterday and scored a 9/10. Granted the review happened before he’d started and listed the owner as the Chef but hey, I reckon it just means if they went now they’d receive a perfect score.

Funny story – the US CEO of a major 5-star hotel chain came in for dinner the other night. They knew this as his PA told them so when making the booking. I think they thought they were booking at another Italian restaurant in the same area which recently opened and is owned by a guy who used to be head chef at the signature restaurant at the chain’s Sydney establishment. Funny.

*****

Going out into the surf:
Felix to me: C’mon Lisa
Me: What?
Felix: Isn’t that the name the parents who ditched you had given you?
Me (laughing): OH FELIX
Felix: Well, isn’t that what happened?
Me: There are some people, Felix, who would not really appreciate using the word ‘ditched’ when talking about the adoption process.

*****
Jasper to me: Mum, I have an itchy bottom.
Me: Have you!?
Jasper: Yeah, there’s mozzies in there

Later:
Jasper to me: Mum, have you got any of that medicine to kills the bugs in my bum

Days later:
I finally remember to buy combantrin.

*****

Chef’s dad is quite a modest man so whenever there is a swim happening at their place he will discreetly get out before everyone else to get dressed in peace. Jasper caught him out the other week as he wanted to get dressed with Grandpa. You can see where this is heading can’t you. “My Dad has a much bigger doodle than you Grandpa”. I’m so grateful that I will have to take his word for this. For life.

*****

The two bigger boys have gone to my Dad & stepmother’s for a few days. Talk about weird. I never get used to having the numbers dramatically reduced in this house – at first I wondered if I could get away with feeding the little fellas tinned spaghetti for the next four nights (seeing as they have recently discovered it and now like it) but instead today they did potatoes.

*****

Onward.

Things

Getting stuck in a queue to leave a carpark is made almost fun with the Mika CD. It is positively festive if you start dancing behind your steering wheel and entertaining fellow motorists.
*****
I think I’m falling in love with Grover more and more each day. He is positively edible.
*****
Jasper does not stop singing. Ever. The song on constant rotation at the moment is The Farmer in the Dell. This has replaced Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, which he has pretty much been singing continuously anytime we’re in the car since for probably the last six months. This had replaced him humming the Star Wars theme, which he’d been humming since he was about one. I’m not making that up. In fact, when he was about 18 months we watched one of the Star Wars movies for the first time in a few months (after they had been on continuous rotation for the previous oh, YEAR) and he came running to see it and did a whole body sigh, as if to say, “so that’s where that blasted tune came from”. He also has a sense of rhythm.
*****
Felix does not stop talking. Ever.
*****
Oscar is very preoccupied and very tired. The tiredness comes from being near the end of the school year and the weather getting warmer. He is vague and listless. The preoccupation is because Grandmama is not here.
*****
Mum went in to hospital on Tuesday and had her hip replacement surgery yesterday morning. She’s in a monumental amount of pain and they only just moved her on to pethidine today (she can’t take morphine and they’d put her on something else that was clearly quite useless). The surgery went very well though, so now the recovery just has to begin.
*****
While I am experiencing all those normal concerns for her and just trying to not get anxious and worked up about how I’m going to care for her as well as all the boys when she comes home next week, it is absolutely glorious having the house all to myself. Not having the running commentary on my life, the drop-ins, the questions and all the rest is just delicious.
*****
I turn 35 in two days. Just in case you wanted to know. I’m going out to dinner with friends to Chef’s new restaurant. I am giddy with excitement, such is the appalling state of my social life. I have half a dozen bottles of sparkling shiraz to get us started. I hope that’s enough…
*****
In Year 3 at Felix’s school the kids can join the training band. They had a information session with the band and bandmaster the other day that we went along to because I’m doing all those things you do when you’re a stay-at-home parent. I was almost praying he wouldn’t choose the trombone or the saxophone. I hate both with a passion. Today he announced that he’d like to play the trumpet. I am so so pleased. I played the piano, clarinet and bassoon when I was at school and after playing the clarinet for two years desperately wished I’d chosen the trumpet instead (it didn’t even occur to me I could change instruments). Trumpet players are cool. (I’m just a little bit sad he didn’t choose the french horn.)
*****
Most of my Christmas shopping is complete. I made a special trip to Chatswood today (on the way home from seeing Mum) to go to hell Lincraft, only to remember once I’d parked and unloaded two children that it wasn’t there anymore. What makes this even more pathetic is I did exactly.the.same.thing. last year. I found some good boxes to put goodies in for the boys’ teachers at The Reject Shop but am still desperate for cellophane bags and old-fashioned blank labels (you know the ones – sort of manila folder colour with a hole to thread through some string so I could tie them around the jars of preserves etc). I know. Just know I’m going to have to do hell Lincraft and purgatory Spotlight tomorrow. God finds my discomfort in such hallowed crafting halls deeply funny.
*****
I really need to make the Christmas cakes and peach jam.

Warning: illness and negativity lie within, go elsewhere for happiness and love for the world

Dear GOD I am SO SICK of feeling like ABSOLUTE FUCKING CRAP.
So here I am, still being freaked out by the weird pigmentation on my breasts that has been there for a.long.time. (as in definitely during the pregnancy and maybe before that but maybe not and how embarrassed am I that I don’t know the answer to ‘how long has this change in pigmentation been on your MASSIVE BREASTS that get in the way of your life EVERY FREAKIN’ MINUTE?”) and the mastitis like symptoms but no ‘real’ mastitis.
Oh there’s mastitis in them there babies.
FAR FUCKING OUT.
I am so ready to ditch the whole game and chug bottles of formula into the kid.
But I won’t.
Because I’m stubborn and STUPID.
*****
So today we met up with my Dad and stepmother in a suburban shopping centre and I was buzzing. I was out! At shops! It was all so clean and shiny and full of beautiful things I could buy! Who knew!
So we bought undies for Chef. And summer Thomas the fucking Tank Engine jarmies for Jasper.
I saw some green ballet flats as we promenaded and am seriously contemplating heading back there on my day when I’ve just got Grover at home to buy them.
Quick as a wick Jasper dipped his finger in Chef’s little dish of chilli sauce and stuck it in his mouth.
Oh LORDY the tears.
Only made up for by his very endearing attempts at saying ‘spicy’ through tears.
And it had FOUR hours free parking. Chef was all ‘because it’s so fucking far from everything’ but I will not be swayed.
Oh shopping mall of my dreams, I shall return.
*****
Lucky he (Jasper that is) was being endearing, as the thwacking Grover across the head with a video cover because I wouldn’t put Thomas the FUCKING Tank Engine of for the ELEVENTY GAGILLIONTH TIME because I had Grover hanging off my DEAR LORDY THIS HURTS nipple attempting to feed from my USELESS AS ALL FUCK breasts was doing little to aid me tap the maternal love for my third child.
Or the hit-of-love this morning I missed but which Felix dobbed him in on.
That’s appalling grammar but I can’t think of a better way to express it. (Did you see how I did that – distract you with bad grammar from the ludicrous amounts of profanity I’m spewing forth.)
*****
Some guy (Tal Ben-Shahar) is on Jon Stewart talking about his class and his book ‘Happiness’ and really, I just want to smack.him.down.
*****
Thomas, oh how I hate thee:
Gorgeous and evil all rolled into one:

Make up sex

Tonight is Day 7 of new drugs (Avanza for those other crazies out there).
Felix said to me tonight, unprompted and from complete left field “Gee, those new tablets are working.”
Since the meltdown on Monday night (and thank you to one and all for your words of support and encouragement) life has incrementally got better.
Chef and I have overcome the domestic disharmony – hence the above title.
I am, in my head, starting to feel better.
*****
I absolutely detest all the animals in my house. Except the fish.
It actually takes physical restraint on my part to not kick the cat or the dogs. Purely because of their existence.
It’s like I can only have enough love for the people in my world. The animals can all go and get fucked.
Seriously, my hatred for them all even surprises me.
*****
I almost ate an entire packet of SAOs in one sitting. On a couple of different occasions in the last few days. With lashings of butter and thick vegemite.
But MAN the indigestion afterwards.
*****
I haven’t been able to commit to a TV series (like Lost, Desperate Housewives, Heroes etc.) for years now. Seriously.
I’m mildly addicted to reruns of Everyone Loves Raymond and Sex and the City. I went through a Will and Grace phase but seriously, whatshername the redhead, irritates the crap out of me.
I am very very cranky that Cycle 8 of America’s Next Top Model is occuring and it’s not being shown in Australia.
*****
Further to the growing animal intolerance is the exacerbation of all my hayfever allergies that I never ever had until I was pregnant with Felix. I am now so seriously allergic to our cat I can almost not be in the same room as her.
This is quite an issue considering she likes sleeping on our bed.
*****
I am so physically uncomfortable it is really, well, uncomfortable. Seriously, I feel like I did in my final week of pregnancy with Jasper – and I technically have 6.5 weeks to go.
I’m large, my tummy is as tight as a drum, my back is killing me and I just can’t – e.v.e.r – get comfortable.
If I do get to term, I’m pegging this one at being at least 4.5kgs (about 9pd9ounces). Jasper and Felix were both 4.3kg (9pd 8) so you know… although, the meds might have an impact on birthweight. I am staying well away from any website talking about the impact of anti-depressants on unborn babies – a rare move on my part but one I have just decided upon.