When good food fails to live up to my exacting standards

Last week I made an #everyfuckingnight dinner that was largely inedible. I know, I’ll show myself out.

It had all the makings of a great dinner. Loads of veggies, fresh egg noodles, garlic, ginger, you get the drift.

Grover even cut up all the vegetables.

Things started going awry when I ignored the cooking instructions on the pack of egg noodles (bring a pot of water to the boil, add the noodles, boil for 1 minute (where they lost me), drain and then use). Who boils something for one minute? What a waste of time and water.

Instead, I boiled the kettle and poured (probably the equivalent amount I would have used in the saucepan) water over the noodles thinking, I’ll just let it sit in that for a couple of minutes. I know you know where this is heading. Over-cooked gluggy noodles which we all tried to talk-up. “They’ll be fine,” was the resounding cry with a somewhat tremulous edge.

Then there was the sauce, which we followed to the letter. Hoisin, soy, cornflour, stock. But this is where it went wrong because stupidly I didn’t taste it. In the NOT MY FAULT category however was the fact the amounts shown on the video were noticeably different than what was given in the written form. I should have gone with what was on the video.

Anyway, what resulted was a red hot mess of over-cooked noodles, overpowering sauce and a (rare) cooking disaster.

Let’s now take a moment to give thanks for my foresight to have a couple of packets of dumplings in the freezer.



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  • Cheekie

    I made a fucking disaster of not one but two Adam Liaw recipes- his Pad Thai and Singapore noodles, not sure what I did, probs lazy noodle cooking behaviour like your own…they were yuk and a lot of effort chopping etc.
    Am off to get hot and puffy listening to your podcast, please keep producing them

  • Alix@thebuilderette

    Have also recently had a noodle fail. Poured hot water over as per instructions and got a bowl of rice noodley bits that were not much chop. Was home alone so spooned savoury mince on top and ate it anyway. #nostandards