Every day I wake up with a feeling so oppressive I can hardly breathe. A feeling of not being able to go another day. Just get up I tell myself. You’ll feel better once you’re doing something I tell myself. Every day is just about surviving then every night I exhale in relief that I lasted another day. Before the dread sets in I’m going to have to do it all over again tomorrow.

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  • oh sweetheart. keep reaching out. You are very loved xx

  • judi Kenneally

    l hope you know you are such an inspiration to many of us Kim..l hope the love that surrounds you can hold you up when that sinking feeling overwhelms you. starting the day is often the hardest part.

  • KP

    It is your special achievement, each and every day Kim. Just know that there are people supporting you in so many ways. xKP

  • Megan

    You have a big job mothering all those boys. It’s hard work, especially when you feel that oppressive weight of dread. Getting up and doing that every day is an achievement. Congratulate yourself every night Kim. x

  • Myra Dunn

    Kim I am constantly amazed at the sheer volume and quality of what you do. Your children adore you, you make me want to cook well (ME!). Those two things alone deserve everyone’s respect. You are wonderful!

  • Lara

    Hey Kim,
    That sucks a big one.
    Perversely, I had to admire the beautiful way you wrote about it.
    There seems to be a lot of this going around at the moment.
    Get up, make sure you’re getting exercise every morning, and keep talking.
    You are amazing. Like all your friends I can’t believe how you soar through life in spite of your illness and hectic schedule.
    Another friend of mine who has the same condition tends to cocoon herself in this situation, but is much better off when someone intervenes.
    I’m around tomorrow if you would like a distracting visit involving two-year-old twins!
    Oh – one of my colleagues swears by eating one-third of a cooked potato just before you go to bed at night. Any more than that and you’ll apparently have really vivid dreams.

    • Oh Lara, that made me laugh out loud! A third of a cooked potato. GOLD. I so dearly want to catch up with you and terrify the girls by trying to hug and squeeze them – alas, I’m working on a project at the moment which has been one of the triggers for this latest bout of hellzone. I’m so grass is greener – depressed with not enough work, want more work, get more work, get depressed by more work. Lost cause, truly.

      In other news I saw the media on The Rocks today and that CG is CEO – tell Dave I had no idea, send him my condolences and share I facepalmed on hearing that such a reality could exist.

      • Lara

        So glad you got a laugh out of it! I can only say my colleague is now bringing thirds of potatoes to work as well.
        Well, let me know when you can accept a visit from a tsunami of Smedleys.
        Dave is out of SHitFA, BTW. Got another job a few weeks ago xx

        • Such good news! Send me deets of his new digs via email if you don’t want to pronounce it here!

    • Jools

      You should try the potato thing even if it doesnt work occasionally the absurdity of it may give you cause to smile.

  • Rachael

    I really hope you get a break from this relentless illness soon. I can relate, as many others can too, know you are not alone in this battle.
    I was watching Love Child last night and afterwards was googling stories and news article regarding forced adoption. I came across an article where you had commented and shared a link a to your own story. I didn’t know, and appreciated reading about your story and the feelings of all involved.
    Keep writing, keep fighting. I think you are a great and look forward to your next post. xx

  • Paola

    My dear Kim, I hate reading these posts. You are funny, talented, witty, I HATE that you must feel this way. I HEART you!