Next chapter

I got a job.

Just like that.

Well, not really just like that. A friend had a job and then got a new job so she put my name forward for her old job.

I did a trial last week – two stories in a day. Well, half a day as I had canteen duty at Oscar’s school on the same day. You should have seen the s.t.a.t.e. I worked myself into.

Seriously.

I am the valedictorian of self-doubt and failure fear. It is actually ridiculous and I hate it. You know that whole philosophy that we repeat negative behaviours for a reason, that they serve a purpose. I don’t buy it. I HATE how I talk myself down. I have no idea why I do it – the perfectionist in me? The need to have everyone like me? To not let anyone down? I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore. I think it’s just my go to resting state and it is doing my freaking head in.

The gig is with Thomson Reuters working on two of their environmental industry newsletters and one on risk management. A five day fortnight.

This changes our lives. I am SO excited about that. And proud. Proud that something I am doing is digging us out of this hole.

I am desperately trying to focus on the good – I am excited but I am also shit scared. My anxiety is running at around a 7-8 on a scale of 1 being dead and 10 being the demonic bunnies. I know I will be fine. Good at it even. I know I just need to get started and it will fine. It’ll be fine!  But at the moment I really want to stop feeling sick and panicky.

 

Onward.

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  • Sooz

    Way to go Kim! Good luck with getting from here to there. Xx

    • Thanks lovely lady. I am getting there. I can ‘see’ what it’s going to be like once those nerves abate. It’s just exhausting getting there!

  • I get that sick panicky feeling too. It stops me from concentrating, from eating, causes me to sweat and make outrageous assumptions. Anxiety sucks. Hang in there, do the things you know calm you – and it will pass. It too will pass.

    And be proud of taking this very exciting, very big step!
    Renee | About a Bugg recently posted..Wordless Wednesday… All about Claire

  • The start of a new job is the worst part – just getting into the groove and finding your feet. You will be amazing. xx
    bigwords recently posted..When Perfection Isn’t Everything

  • Cat

    I’m thrilled for you Kim. I know you’ll rock it. I totally understand the anxiety. I’m in the process of returning to my contract job at the moment and feel so ridiculously anxious I constantly feel like I’m going to throw up. Like everything, time and patience will help us both I think though I totally suck at being patient. I look forward to hearing how well things are going in 2 months time.
    Cat recently posted..Lurching

    • YES – the constantly feeling like I’m going to throw up! Hideous! Let’s compare notes along the way to being normal!

  • I was going to write “just get over yourself already” because, you know you can write (I kind of still wrote that – see?) You can do this. I read that kind of stuff for work, and it would be x billionty percent better and more educational if you wrote it. See, you can do this.
    Ingrid recently posted..Set the Berninas free

    • Ditto Ingrid.

      Ditto a thousand times.

      Kim- what you’ve been doing is the hard stuff- ‘real life’ hard yards are the hardest. This new job is just ‘work’, and you know how to do that. Yeah and you are a great writer so ditto what Ingrid said again.
      alison recently posted..Steph’s Place- ordinary home #3

  • Congratulations! That’s awesome news. And stop the self-doubt and down talking!! Yeah, I know easier said than done.
    Mandi recently posted..Day One. Done.

  • Angela

    I read Thomson newsletters most days (my husband is a Chartered Accountant with his own practice). Two things:

    1. You will be fucking awesome
    2. They are fucking lucky to have you

    I’m a Leo and have my head firmly planted up my bum when it comes to self-doubt – how can you not recognise my superior intellect?! – but when I acknowledge those moments of unsuredness, think about the arseholes – generally male – who deny/talk their way through/yell their way out of those situations.

    Head high, shoulders tall, speak confidently and they will properly fall at your feet.

    Melbourne Ange xx

    You’re just too self-aware and

  • Angela

    Ohh, well done Angela – edited without deleting properly x

  • Congratulations! You will be great. But I know what you mean about start of job anxiety. I’m sure you’ll feel much better once you’re in the swing of things and too busy doing the job to worry about it.

  • We have to get together one day, I feel we have a LOT in common. Your words always stay with me long after I had read them. I’m so pleased for you, you’re going to be fantastic. xx
    Kirsty Rice recently posted..Friends, Old and New.

  • jac

    Woo! And I think most people feel this way, at least a bit. Well, that’s what I tell myself. Nobody disillusion me.

  • Congrats! Cheers to digging your way up 😉
    Mommy adventures recently posted..A spank in the bath

  • Yep. I hear you. I’m changing things around here too.
    Still, once it’s all familiar and in your comfort zone, you’ll be flying.
    Frogdancer recently posted..Really great day.

  • I get the self doubt too. I actually wagged the pilot selection board at school because, you know, if I turned up and gave it a shot I might (shhh) f.a.i.l.
    I failed by default. I failed by failing to try. Bad Example Panda sets a bad example. Don’t be like me.

    Anyway, what’s the worst that could happen? They fire you? Even then at least you’ll be able to say you gave it a solid shot….. But I suspect you are going to be awesome. Just make sure your schedule allows you to work there full time, when they realise how amazing you are and ask you next week!
    The Accidental Housewife recently posted..All grown up

    • Yeah, ditto on this one too. You are more likely to die from fear than be sacked for not doing a good job, so don’t worry about the being sacked bit.
      alison recently posted..Steph’s Place- ordinary home #3

  • Congratulations, Kim! You’re a few steps ahead of me in that process… I’m still trying to find something to suit my hours and battling the self-doubt about whether or not I’m good enough. *sigh* It’s been so long since I was ‘out there’ in the work force and I worry that I’ve left it too long – there are hundreds of other women looking for a job with the same requirements as me. However, I am nothing if not determined so eventually I hope to get there!

    I’m so thrilled for you, Kim – things are really starting to happen for you!
    What Sarah Did Next recently posted..Where do bus passes go to die?

  • Oh Kim – to say I am proud would be an understatement. I get nervous about the smallest things so totally understand why you would be anxious about this. As you say once you get going you will be fine.
    Mary recently posted..Postcards Twenty One

  • Fantastic Kim!

  • well done! you deserve this and you’ll be fine:) 🙂 nerves are good and once you’ve started you’ll wonder what you were worrying about

    good luck
    Corrie:)

  • Megan

    A part-time job that uses your skill set, is intellectually stimulating, well remunerated and you didn’t have to tapdance naked to get? Winning.

    Congratulations on the job. You will be great!

  • *hugs and best thoughts your way*

    Hope you rock it!
    Fiona recently posted..YOU are awesome. Who me? Yes YOU! (Cos Steve Waugh said so)

  • that is lovely news, congratulations. I suspect that right now, with the waiting and anxiety, is probably the worst time.
    Julie recently posted..One day very soon…

  • Fi

    Hey! A really truly paid up writing job!!!! Awesome work honey! You’ll be so great. xxx
    Fi recently posted..in the kitchen

  • Laura

    Congratulations Kim! Enjoy the feeling of accomplishment. Enjoy it for the little girl inside you. She did it!

  • It will totally be fine. You are such a great writer, and that kind of writing will be a piece of cake for someone like you. The hardest thing (IMHO) will just be adjusting to a new environment, and working for and around people. I reckon you’re going to thrive and just love it. But I do get that frustration over the bad head habits. I have them too. And I’ve given up trying to find the positive in them or the reason.
    Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..How to raise a musical child

  • Sarah

    I heart you

  • Paola

    I am super happy for you!