nothing has changed, everything is different

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I realised the last time I had laughed so hard, peed my pants so much, felt so revived was in August 2010. It was the weekend I went away to Craft Camp with Sooz, Ellen, Jodie, Di, and other legends who don’t blog (who knew!). I looked back on August 2010 today and saw it was the month Chef came off his bike on Spit Hill and that Mum dislocated her hip five days before she was meant to be flying out on a six week overseas holiday.

My life really is quite stress-loaded. Sometimes I forget. My shoulders don’t. Neither does my brain. Or my body.

For the last six months at least  I have been punching below par. Pummelled over and over again with life, getting back up but feeling weaker, sadder, angrier, more bewildered with each blow.

Exhaustion that made my bones ache.

Head sweats that would have rivers of perspiration running down my ample décolletage at any given moment.

A light-headedness that was simultaneously alarming and delightful.

A constant pain in my head.

Sinuses permanently faulty.

Waves of nausea.

I finally went to my GP because the sinuses were starting to make my teeth ache and suddenly we were talking pituitary tumours or premature menopause or something. The word sinister comes to mind.

It’s weird that feeling, when you think your body is letting you down but it is, in fact doing the equivalent of trying to smack some sense into you.

After four days of hand-wringing the scans showed no TOOMORE but the bloods showed that my thyroid had basically packed it in and was holidaying in the mounds of flesh around my middle that had steadfastly refused to shift during all that bloody running and no-alcohol adherence.


All those things I’d been feeling could also be caused by my anti-depressants, so my Shrink of Awesome had outlined a plan to very gradually wean me off one to go onto another.

And then shit got weird.

And by weird I mean better.

I have energy, I have libido (whoooooboy do I have libido), I have a range of emotions across a range of time but best of all? I have my imagination back. I feel creative again.


Do you know how exhilarating that can be?




Written by allconsuming

April 3rd, 2012 at 10:39 am

Posted in Me