So Grandmama took me and the boys on a very special outing yesterday.
You should know that such an outing is a very very rare event indeed. The enthusiasm with which my boys embrace going to Warringah Mall should totally warn you guys of that fact.
But you should also know that the idea of all the crew going somewhere for such an event is no easy undertaking.
Drinks were packed, snacks were packed. Children were dressed in their
least stained finest and off we went.
Oscar was suitably excited and showed as much by asking me every two minutes when we would be there, where was it, which way were we going and go mama, go.
Grover fell asleep on the way to the theatre which was a blessing.
Jasper didn’t, which would prove to be fatal.
Felix had his emo on to rival the levels we saw at New Years Eve celebrations when in 30 degree heat he had his hoodie and emo on so tight no amount of freebies and food were freeing him. This emo episode was totally because it was Mary Poppins. He didn’t say it, but I knew it and it made me cranky.
We were also going with mum and that tends to make me tense for no other reason than habit.
At the theatre I keep telling myself to engender the wonderment of it all in the boys but Jasper spies this and then it is game on:
Here’s the thing, tickets were MORE THAN $100 each. No concessions, period. A program was $20. And this God-ugly umbrella – the kids size – was $50. Needless to say, we were not purchasing the umbrella.
Then Grover saw they had blue slushies (obviously with a far fancier name such as London Lemonade for the purposes of the event) and he decided to try it on. Me telling him they were grown-up slushies was not washing. At all.
The niggling pain behind my left eye was starting to take my whole head hostage.
We got inside the theatre – cue seat fuss. Felix couldn’t see despite seating being graded and angled. Jasper had to sit next to me, as did Grover, probably due to some planned stealth attack of whinging to buy ugly umbrellas and icy blue sugar.
Felix was being so vile in his lack of enthusiasm that when he and Jasper started fighting over who got to use the arm rest I unleashed some awesome Mum-Yell-Whispering. Something along the lines of Grandmama has been very generous in bringing us and his seat was worth more than $100 so he better start showing some gratitude by first wiping that filthy look off his face, taking his hood off and lifting his game because so help me I’ll make you sit out in the foyer for the entire time if he didn’t.
Or words to that effect.
Nothing like whisper-yelling at your kids that they’re going to have fun goddamit or risk public humiliation far worse than being taken to a musical to really engender the excitement about the event I say.
But then, then it started.
I have to tell you, it is absolutely wondrous. The set design is just delightful, the music sensational and the performances exceptional. Almost. Because we’re
broke stingy tight-arses frugal and didn’t buy a program I had no idea that Mrs Banks was Marina Prior or that the Bird Lady was Debra Byrne or that Judi Connelli was Mr Banks’ indomitable nanny Miss Andrew. But the person who completely stole the show for me was Matt Lee as Burt. Matt’s main claim to fame is being one of the judges on the Australian So You Think You Can Dance TV show. Here:
And you know, whatever SYTYCD did for his profile it did nothing to showcase his actual talents. I mean, in Mary Poppins he tap dances and sings while in a harness upside down walking along the roof. Fucking awesome.
There is the use of harnesses for people (mainly Mary Poppins obviously) to fly through the air and in one such instance I must say I teared up. I know. I’m such a cheap date.
Anyway, it was awesome.
Yes, there was more crying about not getting an umbrella at intermission. Yes there was major whinging and grizzling the whole way back to the car about it and yes, there may even have been a threat to leave him there – complete with shutting the car doors, getting in and starting the engine while he grew increasingly traumatised on the street. In the city. In full view of many other people who’d obviously also just left the performance.
But we had a good time. Goddamit.