Ride to school day. Also known as how to screw with my routine.

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Today was one of those ridiculous programs run by government agencies to promote exercise and the environment and whatever other goody-two-shoes cause which is the flavour of the month.

Of course the kids get none of the reasoning but LOVE the whole idea of riding to school on Ride 2 School Day. Of course every other day it’s just a monumental drag and can we all just get in the car already, I’ll be out there with the keys, hurry up MUM!!!

While I am all for kids getting excited about going to school these kind of events throw a massive spanner in my nicely ordered morning routines.

For example, Jasper was adamant it was a mufti day*. I was adamant it was not. There were tears. Luckily our school newsletter is now online because I swear to God when I looked it up it was a completely different newsletter to the one we got home in his school bag last week.

It was a mufti day.

Then where is my helmet, I can’t find my helmet, that’s not my helmet, OH THE HUMANITY.

Then there was the meltdown about his hat being in the freezer.

OH COURSE HIS HAT WAS IN THE FREEZER. I couldn’t get to the dryer because we’re re-establishing the war era and trying to fix our almost broken washing machine by completely dismantling it.

And it had to go into the dryer or the freezer because YOU HAVE FUCKING NITS AGAIN. It wasn’t even SEVEN days and the little fuckers were back.

I swear to God (again) the lice are waging their own war with the ants in this house to TOTALLY DESTROY MY WILL TO LIVE.

Mmm, at AusBlogCon I will be wearing eau de AntRid with a foundation of Quedella.

As the clock ticked every closer to actual school time it was actually looking like riding to school would actually happen.

I KNOW, he’s going to be a university before we know it.

The most exciting part of riding to school was getting to do so with a life-size sperm:

ZOMG talk about pissmypants funny.

So off they went and finally the day could return to some vague semblance of the normal level of mayhem I find palatable.

And what was Sperm Chef’s thoughts on the whole debacle on returning from riding to school on our next door neighbours bike?

“I just have to rest my testicles.”






* mufti = plain clothes.

Written by allconsuming

March 16th, 2011 at 10:53 pm