One of the most common refrains from me during this Winter Olympics, apart from my wailing and gnashing of teeth abuot the woeful coverage Channel 9 is providing as the free-to-air TV broadcaster in Australia and just how inappropriate Eddie McGuire is as the host, is how awesome the US snowboarders uniform is.
My first reaction was, ‘HOW COOL IS THAT- ski pants that look like jeans’. Apparently my intelligence far outstrips many others because apparently many actually thought they were jeans which is, you know, just plain stupid.
As with many other lounge room experts I adore the figure skating. The ice dancing, meh, but the figure skating – HOOOO BOY I am addicted. This is a strange addiction in that getting to view any ice skating action on Australian TV is as likely as a champagne fountain at a Mormon wedding. (Wait, they don’t drink do they?)
It is my firm opinion that Johnny Weir was robbed of a medal – he should have been on that dais instead of the Japanese competitor from my highly educated and insightful knowledge of ice skating scoring and competition. I mean, his music was rousing. His jumps and expression were outstanding. The Japanese dude fell over. The end.
And tell me, while this was not at the Olympics, you can not tell me Johnny Weir is not a supreme athlete while also being the consumate performer:
Some of been a bit icked-out by Yevgeny Plushenko’s subtle campness, preferring his persona to mirror more Captain Ivan Drago than say, oh, I don’t know, Johhny Weir. I thought it was fun and cheeky and perfect with his music choice. Regardless, dude got silver just for doing that quad so many other men find impossible.
He’s also done more for the resurgence in the mullet than re-runs of Lethal Weapon 1,2 or 3 could ever do.
Oh, and the GFY girls once again outdid themselves with this coverage of outfits at the US Championships – I am busting for their round-up of the Olympics competition.
Meanwhile, if all of that is just too much for your liking, how about throwing yourself down a tube of ice head first at heart-stopping speed. I mean come now, as if that couldn’t be deemed a sport. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the skeleton. I mean, if the Summer Olympic Committee knew a jot about getting in the crowds they’d develop something similar for the London Games. You know like Jamberoo Recreation Park* but a bit more classy. ‘n that.
It’s not for the faint at heart or indeed the modest. And well, we all know what my greatest fear would be:
There also seems to be a hell of a lot of jiggling going on once they’re on that sled (sleigh?) – I reckon there should have been some spanx embedded in them there body stockings.
Another realm of the body stoking is the speed skaters. I doubt I have the coordination or commitment to be involved in such shenanigans – all that get down low and go go go but do it going around and around would just give me the shits.
When it comes to designing the outfits I understand the thinking behind GOLD! what a spectacular idea! what a metaphor! but surely someone on that committee pointed out that creating the impression of an in-built g-string while cutting edge was perhaps more mardi gras than intended.
More delicious treats of this visual here.
And while I love to think I have the guts to snowboard I know I would be as hopeless strapped to a board as my experience strapped to two skis has been. But if I had an ounce of the talent ‘our Torah‘ I would want shiny gold boot straps and a diamante strap on my goggles too:
Image from SMH website
and while we’re here, here’s some of those awesome US uniforms:
Image from SMH website
* Where you control the action!