An update on the bullying of my child

So didn’t sleep much.
Cried a lot.
Hugged my child a lot.
Who almost cried a lot because he knows something bad was done to him and his mummy is all upset and hugging him so much he might have put his neck out.*

Funny isn’t it, how when you’re making decisions for your children you weigh the good with the bad and then just fly blind into the future.
Pretty much the only thing on our ‘bad’ list in mainstreaming Oscar was that he could get bullied in the playground.
But you know, in saying that, I never played that scenario any further than that.
In fact, when his teacher in his little ‘Start Right’ class cautioned against mainstreaming, the bullying was top of her list.
I replied that we could not be expected to wrap Oscar in cotton wool and shield him from the world simply because he might get bullied.
I said that if I followed that logic then I’d end up homeschooling my kids and that as an option was worse than any bullying they might endure.
Well I didn’t actually say that bit but work with me, I’m trying to lighten the mood just a little.
So where was I?
Oh yes, the bullying.
I don’t know about you, but I kinda got to that blanket term, lumped it in the negative box and moved on.
Now I’m like – well no one told me it could be a sexual assualt.

So.
After more crying, meeting my Dad and S for breakfast at Chef’s restaurant (where I had an almost restorative breakfast trifle of granola, berry coulis and yoghurt) and telling them and crying some more – as did they, as did Mum when I told her – I had a long chat to my friend J which involved me having to pull over because.of.the.crying.
That and the not having a hands free kit that works.
And she told me to ring the school’s special needs coordinator today.
NOW.

So I did.

And look, what followed was a very cathartic and beneficial conversation for almost an hour.
I could go into detail but much of what was discussed was done so in confidence.
Let’s just say the school is taking the incident very very seriously and while she could not offer a definitive reason as to why I was not told on the day what she did offer has been of some comfort.

Still, I’m walking around in some weird sort of teary bleary haze of melancholy and spontaneous outbursts of tears.
And I’ve just served the children fish fingers and chips for dinner.
Even Felix said, ‘gee, I kinda thought you’d make us eat at least some vegetables with it.’

Thank you everyone for your words of support – if I don’t email you each individually please know I have read all your comments and they have done much to make me feel a little less awful.

* he did put his neck out – a visit to the chiro this morning said it was the worst it had ever been.

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  • M

    I’m just so pleased that you are able to share this stuff with the blogging community. This is important. We should all know about this. I hope it makes you feel even a tiny bit better for the sharing. Thinking of you. 🙂

  • Janet

    Kim, I’d cry too. Just reading all this makes me really angry and sad. As well all that happened, I feel for Oscar not being able to tell you. But like others have said, you’ve done all the right things. Hopefully from what you’ve said, the school will too.

    Hugs.

  • blackbird

    Please don’t email me – you’ll only cry – and I’ll cry (did already, tough to explain to my kids) and neither of us will be any better off.

    It’s just fucked up all the way around and, I think, all you can be sure of is helping Oscar through it.

    – Now I’m getting angry again and feeling your hurt, so I’ll shut up.

  • barbra

    I am SO glad you talked to the person from the school. SO glad I cannot tell you. I’m also glad you’re blogging about it as I think it helps as well. You’re a great mom, and your son knows his family is a safe place, which is a huge thing.

  • Fairlie

    I’m so glad there is someone at the school that you can talk to about this. And that it was ‘cathartic and beneficial’.

    (And I’d have gone with fish fingers and chips sans veges in the circumstances, too.)

  • Cathy

    it’s hard to see our children hurting…it’s instinct to want to protect them always from all the bad things in the world. but sometimes we can’t…what we can do is offer them a refuge at the end of the day and safe arms to hug them and hold them and make them feel loved. you’re doing a great job 🙂

  • Badger

    Oscar knows you are on his side, and that is the MOST important thing.

    I’m glad to hear the school is taking it seriously but there is NO EXCUSE for the delay in telling you about it. NONE. NOTHING they can say can possibly excuse that.

    Gah.

    I am with Blackbird. Still so upset. I just want to hug him, and you.

  • bluemountainsmary

    Have been away a couple of days so have only just caught up on all of this.

    Awful. And gut wrenching. I know what kind of she wolf I turned into when Will was verbally bullied and that was so tame compared to this hideousness.

    Thank goodness it sounds like there is a good counsellor at the school.

  • fiveandtwo

    Oh Kim, I’m with Badger…for Oscar to know you’re on his side is so important. And that you’re going to fight for him, he’ll feel safe under your wing, now, while he’s a youngster. There’ll be time coming to teach the fellow some self protective skills.
    I cried when I read the posts. For you and for Oscar. For difficult times now, and those that may be ahead.
    Having said all that, I reckon it’s really important to keep some part of yourself “separate”. Just so you retain a skerrick of selfhood.
    My heart wrenches to read of this.

  • Em

    I’m so terribly sorry.

  • Dana

    I’m so sorry you are going through this and hope whatever needs to happen to protect your child gets put in place quickly.

  • Stomper Girl

    God this is so awful I don’t even know what to say. But I am relieved to hear that the special needs co-ordinator took time with you. I think you’ve just lived a parent’s nightmare and no wonder you cried. Your little boy. And he couldn’t tell you. It breaks my heart.

  • Joke

    I’ll shut up also.

    But you know what I’m thinking.

    -J.

  • Lauren

    This post is haunting me. My son also suffered bullying at primary school and the pain is still with me six years later (though not with him I’m pleased to say). The fact that your darling boy has communication problems makes it so much worse for you and him. Keep communicating with the school and persist, persist, persist in making sure any problem he has is dealt with. I know your heart is breaking, but you are a great Mum and you will find the strength to help him through, no matter what.

  • My float

    Oh good Lord, I’m so sorry Kim. It is heartbreaking. I don’t know what else to say.