I love the smell of holidays in the morning

it’s just by mid-afternoon that I find them really hard to handle.

You are all now well versed on my tendency to swing between doing absolutely nothing, procrastinating my arse off and doing more in a day than others do in a week. So, being Tuesday afternoon, lets recap the week so far.

Sunday – couldn’t relax. Just felt anxious and tense all day long. Took the boys for a drive up to Palmy, which was just lovely – in that the weather was remarkable, but the thought of dealing with four kids out on the beach was just too much. Stopped at Avalon at my new favouritest place in the world (well, if I’m being politicially correct, this is my new favouritest place as it’s Chef’s new haunt). Again couldn’t really relax as Jasper is at the age where such an idea is torture and Oscar just sounded so loud.

Monday – took boys and dogs on massive walk. Oscar looked like he was going to have a coronary at one point. Weather = stunning = panic attacks as have no summer clothes and while Project Boombalardy is working it’s going to be about another 10kgs before any of my existing crappy gear fits. Chef’s first day at new job (he didn’t get the head chef gig but was offered sous chef and took it. Have I told you that story? Can’t remember. Anyway, moving on) and it appears we’re going from one extreme to the other, having had him working 5 nights a week to now being home that many. Cooked dinner which was a hit despite one child choking incident. Sorted through all the boys clothes – packed away (but not totally away as know/hope there’ll be one more cold snap before these 30 degree days settle in for the next four months or so) all their winter gear, sorted through all the summer stuff, revisited what was in the top of their wardrobe and all their school gear.

Tuesday – planned to take boys to Sydney Aquarium then Chef’s new haunt for lunch. Day starts poorly with Oscar throwing a stone at Felix (and hitting him). On our way to Darling Harbour Felix asked if we could do the movies instead. Had been feeling nervy about attempting this outing on my own, particularly when I realised Fiesta was on (in terms of me and crowds). I agreed. Divert to Chatswood. Got everyone out of car and into cinemas. Not showing movie boys wanted to see and Ratatouille not on for another hour and a half. Everyone back into the car and headed to the Mall. Surfs Up on in 40 minutes. Or so. Get tickets. Go down to food court for lunch. Get boys all sorted, get sandwich from Subway. Look at watch, time to go to movie. Get into movie. No seats for us all together.

Have that slow dawning of a sensation just how bad an idea this was.

Jasper, lasts until his Sundae is all over him and the stroller finished. Then begins the tantruming. Grover awake and fidgety, won’t feed, watches movie as I try and contain the sundae disaster zone to my right. Say a quiet prayer that two bigger boys are bigger and are happily sitting somewhere in the cinema eating sundaes watching the movie. Grover decides to have a feed. Tantruming begins in earnest. Contemplate asking man in seat next to me to hold Grover. Drag stroller up aisle to back of cinema, Jasper says he wants ‘stay’. Resume seats. See vomit all over shoulder. It appears to be glowing.in.the.dark. Whole back feels wet, wonder if covered in vomit and now wiping it on cinema seat. Grover almost nearly so close to the guy’s leg spews everywhere. Jasper’s head starts spinning and eyes seem to turn red. Am very nearly losing it. Storm out w/ stroller. Wonder if ever a case of a child being injured by shaken stroller syndrome. Get Grover back into Baby Bjorn. Vomits down front of that. Sit in foyer for final forty minutes of movie with Jasper screaming and straining against stroller restraints. Try and sound upbeat with bigger boys who really enjoyed the movie. Check back, no vomit. Get home. Oscar falls out of car into the garden. Grover finally asleep (after massive bottom blow-out and more spews), Oscar sent to room for whinging crying twice. Since arriving home Felix has expressed his desire to go to Charlie’s house and asked me to do craft activities (when will they ever learn???) by which time I kinda cracked it and said something nasty like ‘nothing I ever do is good enough’ or ‘you’re never satisfied’ or something equally damaging and childlike.

Realise that Jasper has decided today is a really good day to simply be a little shit. As I type he is alternating between opening and shutting the boys’ bedroom door and the bathroom door, each time with a little more force.

Now the three of them are on the trampoline and they’re all crying. I’m not kidding. Jasper wants the ball, it appears Oscar’s been injured (again), Felix is trying to maintain possession of the ball. Oscar is crying for Dadda as he has been all day. Somehow for Oscar, Chef starting a new job is what sailing off into the distance was to those who thought the world was flat.

It’s days like this that I realise why I used to drink so much.