What a day.

There have been stories like this today. This boy was Oscar’s age, doing something very normal, and now he’s gone.

A very dear friend told me he had tests this morning to determine whether the cancer he had over 10 years ago is back. I’m still reeling. He’s petrified and so am I. The C word strikes fear to my very soul. I want to scoop him up, cook masses of food for him (which he can’t eat because he feels like shit), fuss all over him and just make it all go away.

Another dear friend sent me a text saying she wouldn’t be in because her Mum was in hospital with chest pains. Her flatmate has just dislocated her ankle and developed DVT as well.

Work is absolutely ridiculous. Politics is heavy in the air and there is so much work I can hardly see straight. I love being busy but this is really a bit silly.

Jasper is saying “oh no” and “uh oh” along with Mumma and Dada. He signed “finished” to me a few days ago. He cut his third tooth on 21 Oct but it’s not the top front one, but the next one along – I feel like calling him fang.

Felix is growing up and it just takes my breath away. He is currently obsessed with Star Wars lego, building worlds in the sandpit and riding his bike – without training wheels – in circles in the back yard.

Oscar is asking why over and over again and is similarly obsessed with Star Wars. I keep explaining, over and over again and he too is growing up. He now comes to the supermarket with me and is sane, asking about the fruit, what we’re getting next, and “why Mumma? Why”. He loves being outside with the dogs and has joined the boys dance group at school. He comes home and can re-enact the routine, which I find astounding. There is none of Oscar’s flapping at all. And actual dance steps.

I’ve ended on that because there’s been too much saddness in one day for me.