Holiday news

So my mum started losing sleep last week about the state of the bigger boys’ bedroom.
I had just given up hope.
She kick-started the cleanup and three bags of rubbish and over an hour later three people had cleaned up the room to a point that it is still clean.
I am not kidding.
Then she told me she was going to attack Chef and my room.
So I just had to pull the proverbial out and get started in there.
Let’s just say that the dust was such that it triggered my allergies to such an extent a horse tablet of antihistamine didn’t have much affect.
But you know what?
I think I am sleeping better because the bedroom is clean.
Anyway, she’s checking the boys’ room every morning to check there are no clothes on the floor and that they’ve made their beds.
Seriously, sometimes it’s like I’m 15 all over again.
I am in charge of the washing.
I have taken the boys to the beach every day for about a week.
I need to take a moment to update you all on the Grovemeister.
This kid floors me
He knows when he needs to do a wee. When we’re at my inlaws for a swim he gets out of the pool to do it.
He says mum,dad, botbot, bohboh (his favourite toy), toot-toot, dup (for yes), wee, poo and so many more. He natters away in little conversations all the time and you get little phrases where you can pick the intonation like, I wanna get done, I’m done, I did a poo.
But it’s not so much the talking and the words as it is the intent.
This kid knows what he wants and when he wants it.
Tonight he woke up at 9.30pm with a “MUM! MUM! Iwannabotbot. MUUUUUM”
I mean, how can you not pay that? There were no tears, no melodrama, just a very simple I’m awake and come get me.
Anyway, he drank his bottle and was then looking at me going ‘toot toot, dup’ and off he went to play with Thomas the Effing Engine.
Turns out he needed to do another poo and once that was out was fairly willing to go back to bed.

When we were at the beach this morning it was way into his nap-time and he got caught offguard by a wave.
I scooped him up and he was all ‘bye, bye’ at the waves and pointing up the beach (in the direction of home) ‘dup’ and when we didn’t make moves in that direction? Oh LORDY be the screaming that was unleashed.
The wailing.
The tears.
The holding of breath.
Until I said, ‘do you want to go home?’
Instant stop of tantrum replaced with a very calm ‘dup’
‘Do you want a bot bot?’

Then there are the times when he finds the tv remote control, brings it to me, says ‘toot toot’, points to the DVDs and then settles in on the couch waiting for me to deliver.

and that is how every day goes. The determination, the assuredness in his actions, the sheer bloody will just make me very very nervous. I mean, I have to hide the kitchen stool if I want any chance of getting dinner made without him destroying the other bench or cooking various foodstuffs and utensils in the microwave that he has worked out how to use. I’m not kidding.

With a huge thank you to the Mighty Mary who took these shots of my wee chap on the weekend.

Surviving Summer Holidays Pt 1 – also known as don’t mess with the Cool Enforcer

So I’m kinda ready to sell the children.

Here is how it goes.

If we are not heading out by 8.30-9am then it has all descended to hell by 10-10.30 and is a complete right-off by lunch.

The other day I overheard Jasper – JASPER, the THREE.YEAR.OLD – whispering to Oscar ‘let’s get Felix’.

Today he went to the bathroom then went into their room waving his naked little butt in their faces screaming ‘oooey poooey’.

Naturally, when they came thundering down to the kitchen half-laughing half-terrified of getting crapped on I just very calmy said, ‘you reap what you sow’.

Then I saw the arse and brought a swift end to the whole shenanigans with a required Huggies wipe.

So I’ve instigated a ‘rule’ as such (not that I’ve told them) where we’re going over to the beach each morning. It wipes the little fellas out and gets the bigger boys playing with each other so they remember that maybe they like each other and instead of spending the rest of the day saying narky things to each other (why can my child with a severe speech impediment say ‘shut up’ really quite clearly) and/or trying to kill each other in some homage to the WWE.

Which brings me to the whole notion of the WWE, something Blackbird actually touched on.

I don’t get it.

I don’t want to get it.

I find myself wondering about just how much those Divas sweat under all that latex/pvc clothing and big hair and big lights.

I marvel at the crowds they pull each and every week.

I am concerned what is falling out of my brain as names like the Undertaker, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio hit me over the head with a collapsible chair.

Apart from that, Felix seems intent on pissing off his siblings from the moment he gets up to the moment he reluctantly goes to bed. It is, of course, always their fault.

Oscar – also known as Shadow – just follows me around so.closely. that SEVERAL.TIMES.A.DAY. I turn around and bump into him.

Grover has discovered he can climb onto the office desk and pull things off the shelves ABOVE the desk. The shelves where all the crap important things get dumped stored out of childrens’ reach. He can now reach the benchtops quite a distance in. Number of times I’ve removed a major chef’s knife from his hands these holidays? Eleventy gagillion.

Yesterday we took them to the movies to see Bolt, but be warned – if it’s Bolt 3D there’s no tight-arse Tuesday ticket prices. Oh NO – because it’s 3D and you need these ‘special’ glasses (that would probably cost 6 cents to make in China by some poor child) it is full price so hello the movies costing us over SEVENTY FUCKING DOLLARS. JESUS. I mean, the technology is pretty amazing and granted, once I adjusted to it and it stopped making me feel car sick it was quite cool, but holy smoke that was an expensive family outing.

So in short, they’re driving me insane. I’m all ‘three weeks to go, three weeks to go’.

But then, at exactly the same time, I’m loving it. I’m loving the noise, how the house vibrates as they go thundering through, the complex wrestling games enacted throughout the house, how we can now not go anywhere without several high-density balls in tow, how we’ve eaten out the back on the new deck every single night since we got the new table – which was the beginning of December, how when we go to the movies Oscar, Jasper and Grover generally end up running around down the front and how I now just don’t care and on and on it goes. I know it’ll be nice when school goes back to just have some breathing space back (I seriously do not have A.N.Y. time to myself at the moment – even bathroom stops generally have someone in tow providing commentary or asking for another iceblock. Jasper is quite taken with the fact I don’t have a penis but a gina. A gina is, apparently, very very funny.) but I also know I’ll be honking for the next holidays and an end to the daily grind of getting to school and homework.

That’s the update for the moment. As you were.

Oh go and check out this, it’s fun.

Our family?
Chef – Bulldog Testicleeze (oh you all don’t know just how appropriate that is)
Me – Cool Enforcer (how appropriate is that!!!)
Oscar – Silver Jackal (he laughs like a jackal when watching WWE, such is his delight)
Felix – Bad News Buttermilk
Jasper – Grizzly Stink Face (I mean, after the whole ‘ooey pooey’ affair … ’nuff said)
Grover – Bad News Steel

yeah yeah

You see, as my position as a salaried member of the public service officially ended on Friday I thought I should reassure you all that despite my appalling blog posting irregularities of late, I am so much better than I have been for quite some time. If I had to put a time on it I’d say this is the best, the most normal, the most me I’ve been in about two years.
Isn’t that something.
Friday and Saturday featured Felix’s belated birthday party which involved having five eight year olds here from various times ranging from Friday morning through to Saturday lunch time.
Get this…
It was
Sure, exhausting, but fun.
They are such great kids and I found it hilarious eaves-dropping listening to their conversations and games.
There were pizzas for dinner and ice cream sundaes for dessert with freckles, jaffas and smarties and home made chocolate sauce (I had to make something)
We ended up with only two sleeping over on Friday night and at 10.30 I told them I didn’t mind them talking away (I’d set them all up on the lounge room floor) but the volume was getting too loud and they needed to turn it down a notch.
So they went to sleep.
Isn’t eight adorable!

Breakfast was pancakes w/ maple syrup, bacon, watermelon and strawberries. Which they demolished.
Then they all went home – and one even took Felix with them for a play date/sleep over… until the following afternoon at 5.30.
I was going to do a linky-love post to various people but Blackbird beat me to it. But I’m doing it anyway. Sort of. But nowhere near the scale of hers. I’m just saying. So you don’t feel let down.
I was going to do a post about all the things I’m giving thanks for at the moment but Babel Babe beat me to it.
But here are some things regardless.

Twinning’s Chai tea bags – Now I am normally a complete devotee to loose leaf tea in a pot but I am very partial to properly made Chai tea, which is actually quite difficult to find and way too time consuming to bother with at home. The amount of time I’ve spent staring at different brands and forms of chai tea in supermarkets, organic shops and the like is ludicrous. Even moreso when I can’t bring myself to decide on one or purchase any. So the other day, out of a level of desperation and boredom with my indecision I just grabbed this at Woollies. It is subtle. A light brew but fragrant in a way that I’m finding deeply satisfying.

Strawberries – How good are the strawberries at the moment? Delicious and cheap. Considering I have three children who could happily eat a punnet each in about a minute and a half this is most excellent.

My children – this is a weird one. For starters there are things that are absolutely shitting me to tears – Oscar’s constant teariness and increasing neuroses; Felix’s relentless melodramas which involve performances worthy of any daytime soap opera and his current obsession with deriving pure enjoyment from maximum antagonsim of his siblings; Jasper’s fluctuating between being Mr Policemen and Batista with Grover; Grover’s return to waking twice a night.
But get this – I am absolutely loving being at home. I am so calm and in control. It is OCD heaven. This doesn’t translate to a very clean and certainly not tidy house, but it does translate to me being around my children and parenting them the way I want them parented. I can’t tell you how restorative this has been to my sense of self and indeed my self esteem.
And so it means I am here watching the relationship between Jasper and Grover subtley change and develop into one of mates – with games of chase and other strange little episodes. It means I am having the delicious conversations you have with a 2.5 year old – those about diggers, and the moon, about that big truck, or that bus, or about how Percy has been very naughty and is therefore being put inside the toy box with the lid shut.

No dog smell, no dog shit
– nuf said.

Slowing down – This has just sort of happened. I’m not worrying so much about what we don’t have or what the future holds, I’m spending more time playing and being with my kids than cleaning up after and around them, I’m looking at the list of things that need to be done and then reordering it into a realistic list. I have no idea how long this will last or if this is a major change in me for good. I like it. I like the impact it has on the rest of the family. For now. But as I am normally the driver of the family I’m quietly confident that will return but perhaps with less aggression, frustration and anxiety.
Then I was going to do a school holiday joke, but Bec beat me to that too.

From Felix:
What happens when a cat eats a ball of wool?
It has mittens.

Boom tish.

I’ll show you mine if you tell me what’s in yours


The whole intention of this post was to say that I have never EVER had a bedside table.
In that as a kid I had a pretty circular table with a table cloth and on top sat various detritus depending on my age, but never EVER a table with drawers.
So you know what?
I have no idea what to put in them.
Two delightfully deep drawers.
I’m sure if I was Kim Cattrall or if my life even remotely resembled something on Sex and the City there’d be a range of stimulating electronic gadgets and perhaps a few tubes of lubricating ah moisturisers.
But as I have four children who make it their business to know everything coupled with the current Siberia reality of Chef and my conjugal anythings it is neither appropriate or indeed even in the house at all.
So people.
Oh grown-ups of the world.
What’s in your bedside table?

OK, so photos of the new Ode to Ikea will be posted… when I find the camera.
Dudes, this house resembles more that of one being moved into than one already inhabited.
With all of us away for some part of the last few days there are so many bags of swimming gear, clothes, crappe that I don’t really know where to begin.
I’m almost pretty sure there are benches in my kitchen I just can’t locate them at the moment.
To get to my laptop I just walked over a rolled up rug, vacuum cleaner, baby bouncer, empty drink bottle, discarded breast pad and empty carboard boxes.
Our bedroom resembles a storage facility but people, I have a chest.of.drawers.
A p.r.o.p.e.r. chest of drawers.
Joy oh joyous of joys.
They don’t even have the Ikea wobble.
I have also decided that the wire basket units will be kept in rotation and put to use holding the boys homework books, colouring in books, paper, craft and wrapping materials (I know, despite my craft allergies I still have this sort of s.t.u.f.f.).
Because the cardboard box they’re living in at the moment really makes my neck itch.

So there is much industry going on around here.
Which, you know, makes more mess before less.
So hi ho hi ho
Off I go.