Idol ruminations – the finale

Oh my giddy aunt what a weekend – elections, new governments, dinner dates, a thanksgiving gathering at the park and now the Australian Idol finale. Just for those maybe still caught up on yesterday’s vote, today is between Matt I’ve got a wax wand and I’m not afraid to use it Corby and TiNatalie Gauci-Arena.





And so far it sure hasn’t disappointed. We’ve had a significant technical failure, so spectacular Chrissy Amphlett had to go back to the beginning and start all over again. Even fix her fringe. I was thinking she’d aged well until Golden Boy tried to interview her and it was quite clear she’s mad as a cut snake.

Then there was the singing mum with the sweaty upper lip, droopy hair, unfortunate cinched waist by thick tan belt over an unflattering white pant suit. What was she thinking. She didn’t sound half bad though. Pity she didn’t think to take a hanky or tuck a tissue in her bra to dab the sweaty upper lip. Pity.

Rogue Traders came out and quite frankly, what was Natalie Bassingthwaighte thinking when she let someone attack her hair and tease it to within an inch of its life. It had it’s own atmosphere such was its size. And that eye makeup is going to leave some killer racoon eyes in the morning.

Is it just me or does a life as the new Jimmy Barnes seem to be taking its toll on Shannon Noll?

A tempting little teaser of our very own So You Think You Can Dance promo with some judges I’ve never even seen before and whose names didn’t even ring any bells, twenty dancers some of which clearly drew the very shortest straw and had to don the tribal outfit.

Ahhhh the Loser’s Medley. And certainly didn’t disappoint. Can you believe they bothered to fly Cosette in?








(aka Laaaaana wave your hands in the air to detract from the fact you can’t sing Croft). Even slut-red lipstick and a hooker outfit can’t distract from the fact the girl can’t sing.

It was a treat to see the original crew – I’m still sad Ben McKenzie didn’t get further but he is just one of those guys you know will tear up the Australian Arts scene. He’ll be bigger than Idol.

Ahh – all the people who’ve fallen out of my Idol’07 memory – hairy Misfud, Britboy Jacob, rocker de Costa.

Brianna makes an absolute fist of it as does Marty S – hers in being completely off key and his by singing too fast and almost pulling the entire show into the category of shenanigans. Great stuff.

There’s lots of cheesy choreography which is ambitious. I mean, lets just try and get these guys singing a hideous medley of totally unrelated songs in tune and in time without distracting them with crazy jazz hands and hip flexes.

Clearly the memo to expel the entire wardrobe department back to Slovakia circa 1984 didn’t make it in time and so Tarisai still has two pigs fighting under a blanket, Jacob’s wearing clothes two sizes too small, the boys are all wearing winkle pickers, Holly seems to be in some homage to mental institutions of old and Brianna is in various stages of a technicolour dreamcoat, which I know is largely of her own choosing. It’s deliciously compelling.

I need to announce that I’m kinda hoping TiNatalie wins. Can you believe it? Mary you can shoot me down in flames anytime now.

OK, so we’ve got the two finalists into the house. Unfortunately TiNatalie thought channelling the toilet roll doll was a good look, but next to Matt in a royal blue velvet suit with his Jane Fonda Hair it’s really just a fashion train wreck in technicolour.

We interrupt this broadcast for something Muz sent me a few weeks back that I’ve been saving up for tonight:

Cue obligatory ‘what a journey it’s been’ piece for TiNatalie.

OK some more singing …


TiNatalie’s singing The Man in the Mirror song again. But she can’t get her ‘r’s out. So it’s all I’m looking at the man in the miwwor, I can’t make it any clearwer.
Good grief.

Still, great hair.

OH GOD Mark Holden is an absolute goose.

Cue obligatory ‘what a journey it’s been’ piece for Matt.

He sings something. It’s underwhelming. And it appears he’s wearing red tights.

And the winner is….


I’m actually very very pleased and should probably start calling the poor girl Natalie shouldn’t I.

And that, as they say, is it.

Idol ruminations – the final two

So the night kicks off with the Youngling.
To say he seems nervous is an understatement and the job he makes of what potentially could be his first single is pretty underwhelming. The single is exactly as you’d expect it. Some sort of ballad with lots of ‘hello I’m here’s big notes and swelling moments. Gag.
Second song – he’s developed that highly irritating hand movement that most reserve for moments when bragging about the size of their girlfriend’s norks. Hairyman Misfud used to do it. Stop it. Stop it NOW.
Ahh, the gag t-shirt. I’m so pleased wardrobe haven’t let us down by dressing Matt in this generation’s answer to the h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s. tshirt with a tie on it. His has a pair of sunglasses. It’s so M C Esher. Groovy baby.
Also, what’s with the eyes being shut all.the.time. We’re still here Matt.



Anyway. He then sings Wolfmother. It’s good. I guess. He just seems so freakin’ nervous and tired and just willing it all to be over. Which, considering this is meant to be the catapult to a career does not engender that much confidence in him that he has the ticker. If you get my drift.

TiNatalie meanwhile seems to have taken one too many happy pills out back and is just so very happy. She appears to be channeling Sally Fields at her most “you liked me! You really liked me” moments.
She’s wearing Michael Jackson gloves except on both hands. Curious. Maybe the mike slips in her nervous sweaty hands?

But get this… she is actually very very good.

She sings Kate Bush and it is fantastic. Even if she is wearing the worst high waisted pair of ski pants wardrobe could dredge up with some army jacket circa 1984 that’s caught somewhere between Prince, Madonna and Boy George all rolled into one.

Then she sings the winner’s single and well, sings it like a winner.

I think she might take this thing out.

Highlights of the night include not having to listen to Mark Crazy Holden say anything.

That’s about it. It’s been an arduous day in this house so the show was watched in an atmosphere of grim bewilderment.

Idol ruminations – and then there were two

Well, my waters were almost right but Matt’s fan base just got him over the line.
The string-out featured Delta singing with a weird backup of buxom blondes in white. WT?
Marcia sang.
Um, some mother with bad teeth showed her thong as she won the singing hag mother competition.
Then the misery was over quite swiftly.
The final two:

Balladrear TiNatalie Gauci-Arena:
She got more votes than Matt.
Go figure.

Matt the front runner from week one Corby:

Idol ruminations – and then there were three

So we’re down to this:

The balladrear:
TiNatalie Gauci-Arena. Granted, she has really grown on me over recent weeks, but the wide-eyed Young Talent Time I’m-singing-my-little-heart is just so wearing. You just know she’s not going to be a Missy Higgins or even a Delta, but more Australia’s answer to Celine Dion. Just add thighs. You know, big ballads, weird career choices. Big in Japan. Or maybe Italy.
Believe it or not (because yes, my musical background is so sound I am well versed to pass judgement. Cough. Blink. Blinkblinkblink.) I really liked her first song and was a bit oh, so that wasn’t good? when the judges indicated as such. (Repeat: blinkblinkblink)
She also looked good. But that didn’t last long. Once the anklet boots were on and the pants were rolled up it was game.over. for me.


The boychild:
Matt I’ve got this in the bag Corby. I think he peaked early and the notorious Australian attention span has moved from “wow, this guy is good” to “bored now” pretty swiftly. I’m also a bit over the stovepipe jeans, winkle-picker boots and ladies tops preferably from Supre.
He sang well. I think everyone just presumes he’ll win so maybe he’ll go due to our national badge we wear with pride “we’re apathetic and we don’t really care”.



The crooner:
Carl I’m trying to be the Australian answer to Michael Buble Riseley. Who’d a thunk it. I mean, I liked him from the start – for the whole dear in headlights vulnerability. When he came on stage in some hideous patterned shirt from Lowes with an old man bowls hat and sang Waltzing Matilda and actually pulled it off, I just decided he was a nice guy and if I did vote I would maybe vote for him, just for that fact alone. And here he is.



I think it’ll come down to being Matt and then a showdown between TiNatalie and Carl. I just have this feeling in my waters it will be a big shock and the final two will be Carl and TiNatalie. But then what do I know. I thought Ben would be in this final mix and he was ousted weeks ago.

Almost there folks.

The final three

Animal was finally ousted. Sheesh, that was the slowest dying roadkill I’ve seen on tv for quite some time.
It was kind of a relief. Until he murdered The Doors one more time.
Still, I liked him because of his dad, the brickie, who said this was the most exciting thing to happen to the family since he’d got five numbers in lotto. Bless.

So the final three:
TiNatalie Gauci-Arena – if she can steer clear of the wide-eyed YTT jazz hands earnest balladreer tendencies, she could actually take it out. In which case I can’t wait for the NW article on her gay father.

Matt I’m the shoe-in Corby. He’s been the frontrunner from the very first final but has faltered as the finish line got closer. It will be interesting if he can find his centre (yeah, I’m incredulous I wrote that too) for the finals.

Carl Crooner Riseley – who would have thought the guy who came out in a fedora and a Magnum PI Hawaiian shirt singing Waltzing Matilda all those weeks ago would still be standing. As I said last night, he could take this thing out yet.