Category Archives: friendship


I am so stuck. I teach a course about blogging for God’s sake, I’ve been blogging for 11 years or some such nonsense but here I sit.

My brain is not playing fair at the moment. To be fair to it I haven’t been taking one of my meds for about a week because of a lack of funds to get meds and time to go and get them. But I’m really feeling it, the manic busyness of my brain all within a tightening vice and spiralling bad thoughts. Just 5mg of one little drug between me and sheer insanity.

The weekend brought the most beautiful surprises with my most beautiful and oldest friend K coming to stay with her husband and their son who’s just started at boarding school. Dinner was lasagne and caesar salad with pavlova for dessert, breakfast bacon and eggs. In between long conversations to catch up on everyone’s news. So the blackness has not consumed all. The weekend shone bright for a moment there and I sucked it into my lungs, buoying my soul.




Last week my friend K called and asked if I could get away for two days and meet her in Orange. Each year her brother and sister-in-law hold a lunch at their property, Bell Hill, with Giovanni Pilu as part of Orange Food Week.

Lunch was sublime:


The location enviable:




But this is what was the best thing about it all. What 26 years of friendship looks like:



Onward my dear friends, onward.



Passing. Goodbye. Going home. Reconnecting


Today was the funeral of a dear friend of mine’s father. He was two days shy of 62 when he finally succumbed to a long and bitter battle with kidney disease.

He was one of those men – kind, gentle, softly spoken, tough, clever and creative. The passion with which you could see he loved his beautiful wife, now bereft of her soul mate who had been by her side for the last 40 years, and their two children could honestly take your breath away.

A large part of my formative years did not feature a traditional mum, dad senario and there were friends whose families filled out that picture for me. I remember dinner’s with K’s family of Amazonian giants (seriously they’re all 6ft or taller) and being both scared, intimidated, in awe and in love with the volume and energy a dad at the dinner table brought. J’s dad was a farmer and that was another whole realm but one I just soaked up. I marvelled at how he’d yell at J and her sister in the paddock not doing whatever they were meant to be doing but then that was that, done with, forgotten. What happened in the paddock stayed in the paddock I guess. And then there was L’s dad. Beautiful man.

My faith has taken a great deal of interrogation over the last 14 years and I am in a weird twilight zone where I see the role faith can have in your life but no longer believe. Today’s service showed me, reminded me of the comfort a faith can bring in times of intense emotion.

Driving down to the service (just the other side of Wollongong) brought other memories flooding back. All the container ships sitting there off the coast. We used to stand on Nan’s verandah and count them and every Boxing Day watch the boats sail by in the Sydney to Hobart. Funny the things that stay with you.

A very dear person was at the funeral today. I had hoped she’d be there. Years ago – as in a DECADE ago – we had a dust-up on email. Stupid stupid email. It came off the back of a couple of incidents where I had behaved badly, lying to her rather than being honest and then both of us being at different place in our lives. For me I was jealous, intimidated by her and some of her friends and their confidence and comfort in their own skin. I felt like a very ugly duckling. Funny, I was always told how mature I was and yet I look back on how I let our relationship down and realise what a child I was. I found it so hard to move on from the ‘fight’, feeling self-conscious and clunky but now, I realise, I was embarrassed. GOD. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about her. Not one day. I think it’s about time I pay that forward yeah?


Felix came with me today – Chef couldn’t get away from work as his boss was interstate and it was a long way to go (2+ hours each way) on my own. Can I just say, my boy? He does me proud every single day. It was the first funeral he’s ever been to and he handled it with grace and care, offering me a squeeze and a hand around my shoulders every so often. We came home on the coast road, stopping for an ice cream at Stanwell Tops and marvelling at the view back down the South Coast. He went to say it was a good day but stopped himself for obvious reasons. But you know what, with immense sadness there was peace, reconnection and time to stop and say goodbye. I think he was right.




New life!

two very dear friends I don’t see or talk to nearly enough had identical twin girls today.


I can NOT express how happy this makes me – for them, for the world, for everyone!

Because I am a useless sap when it comes to the arrival of a new wee person into the world.

They knew they were having identical twins – obviously – but not the sex. Well they could have known the sex but they didn’t let on to me!

There was some medical ‘issues’ which had my friend in hospital from last week and a caesar booked in for today – the girls were born at 34 weeks. They are, by all accounts, doing well.

I haven’t called because, well, I’ve been there with just ONE baby as a prem and you’re often (if not constantly) in the NICU and the last thing I felt like doing was calling people back with all the updates a hundred times over.

But I am a woman possessed, constantly checking Facebook to see if names have been given.

Because clearly, it is ALL ABOUT ME and my need for names. NAMES!

Oh the humanity.

You see, I have PLENTY of girl names I never got to use.

What names were on your list you never got to use?

UPDATE: The girls are out of high dependency and into special care section of NICU! Apparently the staff call them the little fatties! I’ve seen pics and they are just gorgeous little moppets – not skinned rabbit prems like Oscar was at all!

And we have names!!! Twin 1 is Suki (as in Polly put the kettle on and Suki takes it off again) and Twin 2 is Harper.

A very nifty decision was to name the first twin out with the name that started with the letter furthest down the alphabet, so while twin #2 was born second, they’d be first on roll call at school! How cool is that!


So two beautiful dear friends have had babies in the last week:

To M and E – Sylvie Louise
A pink one! How utterly wondrous. To witness and be a part of their world as they become parents – and to see their utter joy at it – is just so so precious.

To the mighty Duyvken and Mr D – William Robert – or Billy Bob as I now must call him
Their FIFTH child and second son.
If I could have one TENTH the grace of D well, I probably wouldn’t have sent Chef off to have his boys denied access for.ever.

So so lovely having new little people in the world.

I must away as there are newborn heads to be sniffed.


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