Hello there

It’s been a rough few weeks around these parts. I haven’t written about it because what is there to say? I’ve been battling extreme anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and the lowest ebbs of the deepest sluggish depression I’ve had in a long long time. I had reached a point in my mental health life where I thought anxiety and panic attacks were now my thing. That the “everything is hopeless, I’ve made all the wrong life choices, we’re going to die destitute and alone” type of depression had moved on to some other poor unsuspecting individual. SURPRISE!

I get bored of writing about my mental health because most of you who come here specifically to read about my life have been doing so for years and I fear I’ll be able to hear your eyes rolling when I tell another story about how my life is a hopeless failure.

Some of you are lucky enough to experience it in real life. My morning walking partner Bronwyn deals with enough shit in her own life but gets to hear me whinge and moan about mine for 45 minutes 3 times a week. That she RINGS me if I’m not out the front of my place by 5am is indicative of her own issues. Weirdo.

But those messages, the checking in with me because suddenly I’m very quiet on Facebook and Twitter (I’ve almost forgotten what Twitter even is), the listening to my silence and sadness is what feeds my mantra during these times – just.keep.going. Fall down seven times, rise up eight.

I am lucky enough to have a support network around me of people who know it is enough to just be beside me, reminding me that I will get through this, that this is not my truth but a heinous lying fiend robbing me of light.

I also have a psychiatrist I trust implicitly. Yes, we’ve spent the better part of six months trying to make me feel OK but in the scheme of mental illness that is nothing. Today we start a new plan and I guess, we wait.

pristiq pic

Onward.

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  • http://www.edenriley.com edenland

    Hey gorgeous. I think about you most days. the fact that you get up, that you “get it” …. makes me feel not so much like an incredible freak and I thank you SO SO much.

    Here’s to the bubbling, festering mess that is life. Interspersed with amazing things like little boys who need us so.

    XXXXXX eden

    • http://www.allconsuming.com.au allconsuming

      Isn’t it a mess. And this time around, even in the darkest of moments, it’s been breathing in the stinky air of my boys that has kept me going. In their wildest of tantrums I know they love me and the horror at possibly doing anything to hurt them is what has stopped me hurting myself.

  • http://www.aboutabugg.com Renee – About a Bugg

    Just keep swimming and know you’re not alone. xx

    • http://www.allconsuming.com.au allconsuming

      Just keep swimming indeed. It is one of my many mantras when the shutters dim the light.

  • Sarah Ryan

    You are an amazing friend who also listens to all of our crap too!

    I think you and your boys are all wonderful and you do the most fantastical (if that’s a word) job in raising them and loving them.

    Happy to listen, cuddle and be there for you anytime.

    xxx

    • http://www.allconsuming.com.au allconsuming

      Thanks luv. Being so busy with the new business and life and NOT seeing friends and just catching up with others is a big issue and factor in me clawing my way out of the pit. We need to work out our working schedules to work out when we can get together!

  • http://www.duyvken.blogspot.com Amelia

    Hugs.

    • http://www.allconsuming.com.au allconsuming

      Thank you oh-expanding one!

  • http://www.baby-mac.com BabyMacBeth

    Dude x

    • http://www.allconsuming.com.au allconsuming

      Yeah.

  • http://magnetoboldtoo.com kelley @ magnetoboldtoo

    Hey… *silent nod of acknowledgment*

    • http://www.allconsuming.com.au allconsuming

      Kelley – I think of you often. So so often. xxx

  • Eleanor

    Love you Kim x

  • http://Www.siximpossiblethings.net jac

    Ah bugger I noted your glaring absence from the internetz but thought it was the new business consuming your time, not suckiness. Winter never helps. Glad you’re feeling a bit better xx

  • Linda

    hello to you.

    wishing you peace

  • Leanne

    Onward indeed. Hope you see some more light soon! :-)

  • mary

    You are all the good things Kim and so beloved by us all

  • http://readysetschool.com.au Denyse

    I know what you mean. I miss you though. Want you to know your thought of A LOT! D x

  • http://saltycrunchybitterfresh.blogspot.com/ Kathy

    OH DUDE. I love you so hard.

  • Megan

    Sweet lady, this sounds very, very hard. I hope ‘it’ lets you go very soon. x

  • Dorit Ansari

    Following your story and life from far away in Minnesota, USA. I get worried when there are no postings coming from you. I too suffered from depression years ago, I guess at 78 years of age I outgrew them.
    Your are such an amazing mother and cook and writer, but coming from somebody else that does not really help, does it? I wish you great success in your new endeavor, too bad I can’t order your food over here.
    I’ll be watching you and thinking of you and encouraging you from afar.
    Hang in there…

    • http://www.allconsuming.com.au allconsuming

      No Dorit, it does help. Knowing I’m not alone or weird or losing my mind because so many friends and readers say “I know” and “I understand” is something I treasure.