The brain has not been very still of late. Ways I know I’m not firing on all cylinders include an unquiet mind, a sense of “why do I bother” and “this is fucked”, poor sleep, worse diet, and then the panic attacks arrive. Last week I sat staring at my computer screen with my mind racing in chaotic circles turning in on themselves then swinging way out wide. I’d read something and none of it would make sense and the panic, it hurts.
I keep reading stuff written by people about their depression and realise that what I think is my resting state of normal is actually a resting state of depression. It kinda sucks realising that. Depressing even.
I went to TEDxSydney, did I tell you that already? It was fabulous on a number of levels but mostly because I got to be with Eden, met two awesome Sarahs and reconnected with a Kate I went to uni with and always got on with extremely well. She’s living in Darwin. Could you imagine?
The oddest thing has stuck with me. One of the speakers told us about how scientists have studied some beetle that lives in the desert to work out how it gets moisture from the air. They’ve used that knowledge to develop better air conditioning systems and to help communities in arid areas. Isn’t that cool? Out of the whole day that is the thing that keeps popping back into my head. The scientist was also the guy who discovered that eyes developed 512 million years ago. In a troglodyte. Apparently.
I’ve decided I’m going to make butter.
I’ve stopped eating gluten. I know, you’re on the edge of your seats (as Blackbird would say). It’s been two weeks with only two transgressions. The difference in the size of my gut and the behaviour of my bowels (aren’t you thrilled) is telling.
Gluten, it appears, is the tobacco of the food world and it was with great desperation that I decided to stop eating it. The dodgy thyroid is an auto-immune disease. Gluten is a big fat waving red flag for any auto-immune disease. Apparently. So, I’m giving it a month. But I’m already half way and it’s really not been that bigger deal. I once did a gluten free diet with Oscar when he was wee during one of our more expensive
snake-oil salesmanÂ allied health professional straw grasping phases. I am pleased to report that the gluten-free offerings now are vastly improved on the gluten free offerings then.
I’m currently getting up at 4:50am in the morning to go walking with my friend B. We are friends because both our lives lurch from one melodrama or catastrophe to the next and we know neither of us will tire of such NONSENSE. We cover just over 4kms in 45minutes with a whopping great hill and a little sneaky one at the end. We’ve been threatening to do this for the last two years. Good things time…
There was lunch with friends this week – I got there an hour early because if I’d been at home then I would have been cleaning.
Today I did the grocery shopping to avoid the cleaning.
Mum flew out to Hawaii tonight. Chef’s parents are getting ready to fly out to Paris.
I’m almost back in control of the washing.