I’ve got nothin’

There’s nothing left in the tank.

Much has gone on but I can’t find the words to tell it – I wrote a post yesterday about my health and even I was bored. Drugs meant to be helping making things worse but still needing what those drugs do to make me well. Meds for the head, the thyroid and insulin resistance don’t seem to really like each other. This last week I have been consumed with drug side-effects that leave me simultaneously jittery, on-edge and racing while so exhausted I fear I may fall down.

We’ve stopped one of the meds to see if it helps, but it’s the one that deals with my blood sugars and they need to be stable not just so I don’t develop diabetes but for mood stability. So I need to lose weight and lose at least 5kgs fast. Yeah, like I haven’t been trying to do that for forever. Starvation September is underway.

This week has been hellish. Oscar had a molar removed under a general on Tuesday and only today voluntarily opened his mouth to talk. Eating is still not on the cards and drinking water is still a battle. He’s been home all week. Just sitting on the lounge. Mute.

Can you imagine being in pain or just being traumatised and scared and not being able to tell someone, to explain exactly where the pain is, what sort of pain it is, when it’s worse, when it’s bearable?

I’m now worried he’s got a dry socket – there was moderate improvement today when he ate a weetbix with some stewed apple and told me it didn’t hurt – when tonight he had one spoonful of custard I’d made him and grimaced and asked to go to the hospital.

This morning we had his arranged-a-lifetime-ago endocrinologist appointment. Yeah. Awesome timing. It was fine – just a chat but – of course – the need for more bloodwork.

It seemed like the cruellest trick of all but I made the call. He hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink. We were at the hospital. With its own blood collectors. We were there. So bloods were done.

Can you tell my head and heart are so weary?

 

Onward.

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  • Susan, Mum to Molly

    I’m glad your hellish week is over, and sincerely hope that next week is easier on all of you.

    FWIW – I would have made the same call re the bloods. Definitely. Especially to avoid an extra trip there!

    Hope the weekend is kind on you,

    Susan x

  • http://blackbird17.blogspot.com blackbird

    One foot in front of the other, you know, like running, but much much slower.
    You’ll get through today, tomorrow will be different (not necessarily better or worse) but you will keep going.
    blackbird recently posted..random

  • http://saltycrunchybitterfresh.blogspot.com/ Kathy

    OH DUDE it’s like we’re living parallel lives yet again. Have not blogged about it but C fainted again, went hypertonic, we had to call an ambulance and I spent most of last Friday in the ER with him. On the upside, the doc prescribing HIS head meds needed a blood draw soon anyway, so we did extra since they were already planning to stick him. (He fainted while getting impressions made of his ear canals, but was fine with the blood draw. GO FIGURE.) And now we’re faced with having to pull him out of school because he can’t handle being around other kids anymore, at all. We’ve added another med. This thing where it takes forever to find the meds/doses that actually do more good than harm? NOT A FAN.

    So yeah, my GOD, this month. This week. I can’t even.

    And you KNOW I am thinking of you and Oscar and sending all good thoughts your way. But I thought I’d better reiterate it since I used the whole commentbox to whinge on about my own shite. And whatnot.
    Kathy recently posted..Typed while hyperventilating into a paper bag

  • Paola

    I feel like an idiot. Because I am complaining about problems which are ridiculous compared to what you MUST deal with.
    I AM an idiot and I commend and respect and admire you (I am talking to you too Kathy).

  • Debyl1

    Thinking of you and hoping so much that things get sorted out soon.
    Much love and comforting hugs.xx

  • http://www.arthousehomelife.com Alison

    Love and rest to you Kim. Go easy on yourself through all of this. Hold your babies tight and keep doing what you are doing. It won’t always feel like this xxxA
    Alison recently posted..Making stuff that’s just not that good

  • Megan

    My god that sounds hard. Poor Oscar, I hope it is not a dry socket, for both of your sakes. That tooth fairy needs to leave your family alone. August is over, may September be a much better month.

  • http://melody-biglittlesister.blogspot.com Melody

    You are amazing. Tomorrow is a new day. I hope it brings with it some happiness.
    Melody recently posted..Barron Falls…more like a Trickle

  • http://Www.siximpossiblethings.net jac

    I don’t know what a dry socket is but just the name strikes fear into my heart.
    Hope the weekend is kind to you all x
    jac recently posted..rawr

  • http://nessaknit.blogspot.com.au/ Nessaknit

    Hope your sh*t week improves! Hugs!
    Nessaknit recently posted..Science Fair

  • http://mksharingthelove.wordpress.com MeagsK

    My dad and I were talking about the low of lows just on the weekend. Not a speed hump or a bad day, those long periods when everything just sits at the bottom for a while. It will get better. Grab hold of someone’s hand and start climbing to the top. The sun is out and spring is here.
    MeagsK recently posted..Learning to take a break.