Kids party themes: traditional. Also file under lowbrow and trailer park

Tardis cake
Lucky Lance.

So after my confession earlier in the week you can imagine the fear and trepidation I was feeling with Grover’s 5th birthday party looming. He did, afterall, want a cake shaped like the Tardis.

But then I remembered he is Child No.4. I’ve done many birthday parties and learnt the hard way that stress and effort do not a fabulous birthday party make. Oh I’ve done the up until 3am decorating the house and creating a cake masterpiecewreck and MAKING all the party food.

What an idiot.

This is what kids want from a party: their friends, presents, junk food and cake. THE END.

The rest is just there to impress other parents and I gave up on trying to do that loooong ago.

So the menu for our birthday parties is now suitably low brow and the extent of decorating is raking the backyard (diminishing chook poo hazards)  hiding the lego and putting an oil burner on in the bathroom. You can thank me later.

Party table

So the menu:

  • Chocolate crackles
  • Cheezels
  • Traffic light jellies
  • Fairy bread
  • Party pies and sausage rolls (can you believe I used to make these! FROM SCRATCH! Idiot.)
  • Cake

We did a cheese plate for the grown ups and had Prosecco AND champagne. I know. No expense spared.

But I know all you want to see is the cake.

Grover and the tardis cake
with just a hint of penis
Tardis birthday cake
homage to blue food dye

It was a lovely afternoon. A wonderful group of mums hanging out while kids just tore around with various weapons from our arsenal. There was an egg and spoon race which along with the cutting of the cake were the only organised activities.

egg and spoon race
Old skool



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  • Mrs WOOG

    Penis cake. I love it. But do not need a bite xx

  • Lucky LUCKY Lance. (I just requested a Tardis teapot for my 30th. And by requested I mean demanded.)

    But lucky Grover, too. That party sounds like epic fun. Who doesn’t love an egg and spoon race? Important question, how high were the stakes in the race? In other words – boiled or raw?
    The Accidental Housewife recently posted..50 things to teach your daughters

    • It was a tough decision, requiring a level of discourse between me and Chef, but we went with hard-boiled. If only because we didn’t want the chickens adopting cannibalistic traits of eating their eggs out of the grass later.

  • Such sound and practical advice Kim. Thank you. Just wondering about ‘traffic light jellies’ – are we talking red, yellow and green packet jellies cubed and mixed together? I have a soft spot for frogs in the pond (Freddo frog set in blue or green jelly) as party food for same reasons of ease, speed and kid satisfaction factor.
    Angela Savage recently posted..In praise of the slow burn

    • yep – layers of lime, orange and strawberry jellies – painful in that you have to let the layers set but not that arduous. And kids think you are some sort of God-like creature to produce such awesomeness.

  • completely with you on what kids want from a party. And extremely impressed with that smooth blue icing.
    Julie recently posted..Reading and drawing and eating and walking

    • Thanks lovely! It’s just my standard lemon icing – 3.5cups icing sugar, 6tbsp lemon juice, 30g melted butter. The blue food dye made it a tad smoother.

  • You ARE good. Not only do you have birthday parties for your children, but you used to make all the food from scratch! Oh my.
    Melody recently posted..Go West to head North

  • Lizie

    My daughter will have her first birthday next 2 months and i am planning for her birthday theme right now.. I am sure this can help a lot.. Thanks!
    Lizie recently posted..Sharepoint Hosting

  • That cake is AWESOME. My husband is obviously still into impressing the parents because he is mortified that we didn’t serve alcohol at our daughter’s 2nd birthday. It was his first child birthday party as host, but about my 13th – I’m no longer impressing anybody. The kids are lucky if I turn up.
    Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..OMG: It’s another stupid diet

  • Whoa it’s bright over here!

    Love the cake!
    Fiona recently posted..Calm Like a Cloud

    • Thanks – was beginning to think noone had noticed or perhaps I hadn’t really done it.

  • Megan

    Loving the new blog layout – it looks great!

    I am in awe of your nonchalance with the kids party hosting. I don’t care about impressing the parents it’s more a crippling fear of forced social interaction over several hours!

    In fact I have such a fear of hosting parties, we have only done it once for my son. I figured five was a pretty big deal and oh yeah he wouldn’t stop talking about it for months beforehand!! ,2nd last one of his friends to turn five so he had been to a bunch of birthday parties and figured they just automatically happen when you turn five. Aaghh!

    Sooo, to alleviate my terror we had it outside at McCarrs Creek Reserve, invited about eight friends, pitched a couple of small camping tents, had a campfire, some footballs, a rope for tug of war, cake, marshmallows, a bbq (for my carnivorous friends, mum) and beer and champers for the big kids. I totally forgot to put a finishing time on the invite so the party started at 11 and the kids and their mums/dads didn’t leave until dark. Woops! Anyway, it rained on and off all day but it was a great birthday party. Very simple and very loose. He may get another party when he turns ten, I am psyching myself up for it….

    • You pitched TENTS? Holy shit dude, RESPEK.

      And have we had this conversation? Are you near me?

      and thanks – I was beginning to think I didn’t really do it.

  • classic! I have also come to the same conclusion – simple is best! I think my best ideas have been filling a small tent with balloons and letting the (little) kids in to play, and a treasure hunt with little semi-precious stones. Parties freak me out too, but I am learning the simpler I keep it, the happier I am, and so are the kids…I’ve never understood the alcohol at a kids party thing.
    Sara Foley recently posted..My Accidental Yoga Room

  • Excellent old skool birthday parties are the BEST! We skipped our responsibilities entirely this year by going on holiday to Bali instead. Highly recommended. They even made him a chocolate mousse cake!
    Kim-Marie recently posted..Thankful Thursday : Xmas in July