nothing has changed, everything is different

I realised the last time I had laughed so hard, peed my pants so much, felt so revived was in August 2010. It was the weekend I went away to Craft Camp with Sooz, Ellen, Jodie, Di, and other legends who don’t blog (who knew!). I looked back on August 2010 today and saw it was the month Chef came off his bike on Spit Hill and that Mum dislocated her hip five days before she was meant to be flying out on a six week overseas holiday.

My life really is quite stress-loaded. Sometimes I forget. My shoulders don’t. Neither does my brain. Or my body.

For the last six months at least  I have been punching below par. Pummelled over and over again with life, getting back up but feeling weaker, sadder, angrier, more bewildered with each blow.

Exhaustion that made my bones ache.

Head sweats that would have rivers of perspiration running down my ample décolletage at any given moment.

A light-headedness that was simultaneously alarming and delightful.

A constant pain in my head.

Sinuses permanently faulty.

Waves of nausea.

I finally went to my GP because the sinuses were starting to make my teeth ache and suddenly we were talking pituitary tumours or premature menopause or something. The word sinister comes to mind.

It’s weird that feeling, when you think your body is letting you down but it is, in fact doing the equivalent of trying to smack some sense into you.

After four days of hand-wringing the scans showed no TOOMORE but the bloods showed that my thyroid had basically packed it in and was holidaying in the mounds of flesh around my middle that had steadfastly refused to shift during all that bloody running and no-alcohol adherence.


All those things I’d been feeling could also be caused by my anti-depressants, so my Shrink of Awesome had outlined a plan to very gradually wean me off one to go onto another.

And then shit got weird.

And by weird I mean better.

I have energy, I have libido (whoooooboy do I have libido), I have a range of emotions across a range of time but best of all? I have my imagination back. I feel creative again.


Do you know how exhilarating that can be?




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  • Word.
    Cate Bolt recently posted..Money and Writing: A Match Made in Stupid

  • Such a complicated thing, isn’t it?
    Getting and keeping the medication right is paramount.
    I’ve seen it.
    I know it.
    blackbird recently posted..April 1st

  • It’s SO good to have you back x
    BabyMacBeth recently posted..The radical act

  • I’ve got a doc’s referral form floating round here somewhere for some of those tests – thanks for the nudge.
    Jody Pearl recently posted..JaM – Work in Progress or Why I Procrastinate.

  • xxxx
    Amelia recently posted..A New Start

  • Emmasbrain

    Glad you are feeling as fabulous as you are!

    • Thanks bloss. Not sure whether to rejoice or be very very scared!!!

  • I usually just lurk here…. But that’s SO good to hear that I had to comment. Glad to hear you’re feeling like you again 🙂
    The Accidental Housewife recently posted..Visitors – an influx

    • Oh please don’t lurk, comment away! Speak up! I love it when you do.

  • SO SO glad to read this.

    Kim, the time I spent with you over the weekend was bloody tops. Cannot wait to see what that imagination produces…xx
    Diminishing Lucy recently posted..Working with Brands (my thoughts on blog sponsorship)

    • Do you know, I was driving to rugby training tonight and you popped into my head, along with the thought about just how awesome you are and how wonderful it was to see you. So right back at you princess!

  • well I hope to talk imagination and creation with you very soon…you are one cool, clever chick

    sarah recently posted..Jami The Freckled Laundry guests

    • Dude, next week? Bloody school holidays may cramp our reunion style. Unless we let worlds collide and get kids involved. That could get ugly. Unless you come here where the house is basically destroyed anyway.

  • perhaps you should dabble in fan fiction?

    kelley @ magnetoboldtoo recently posted..Do you want Emo or pictures of a baby elephant frolicking at the beach?

    • I’m seeing that fan fiction and raising it a goddamn proper novel. BOOYAH!

  • Glad you got your medication sorted. Feeling well is so much better than not.

    Just a heads up though, while menopause happens later, (that actual ceasing of menstruation), the symptoms can begin much earlier, (hot flushes, heavy sweats), as much as 10-12 years earlier. So it’s often wise to get your hormone levels checked as well, just in case.
    river recently posted..this was such fun