Wasting as many minutes as possible – Also known as why I am not famous published author and never will be

The boys are away. Three nights of no ‘no, you’re sleeping in your bed’ or ‘have you done a wee yet’. Three mornings of no ‘MUUUUUUM Oscar’s playing XBox’ or ‘hello mumma, mumma up now’.

 

So naturally I’m panicked about how not to waste a MINUTE of it. Child-free time particularly that involving overnight stays are PREESHUSS. My plan was is to use the time to write some 500 worders to go with a concept I’m begging pleading pitching to a newspaper. And maybe go to a movie. And sleep. Or simply just eat as much junk food as humanly possible. Because nothing says ‘the kids are away’ more than a diet of toast, cereal and junk food.

OMG I can sleep in
Don’t sleep in, that time could be spent on Twitter writing
Which movie should I see
Why is there no chocolate in this house
Oooh, chips, excellent
Tweet tweet tweet
Blogs blogs blogs
Come on Kim, get your arse into gear, WRITE something
Start writ_oh that fish looks a bit dodgy, better feed them
I think I’m hungry
No, you can’t be hungry, you just ate that whole packet of chips
Why is there no chocolate in this house
Water, I need water
My lips are so dry
Is that a pimple on my neck? I better go look
*hold music*
Right, get writing
*2 minutes later*
Is that rain? Better bring the washing in
Oh, it’s not raining but look at that mess over there, better clean that up
I think I’m thirsty
Those chips made me thirsty (Snigger at *almost* Seinfeld quote) (chastise self for being so lame)
So, what’s happening on Twitter
Oh man, @benpobjie is sooo funny
Why can’t I come up with some wicked little pithy tweet like @jothornley
Oooh Facebook!
Snore
RIGHT, back to it.
*25 words later*
That’s it, I can’t stand looking at this filthy kitchen anymore
An HOUR later
Better give the cupboards a wipe down
write
Twitter
wonder what the boys are doing? Hope Grovey’s OK.
Water. Must drink more water.
Why is there no chocolate in this house.
Write
Stare at fish tank
Wonder why one sucking cat fish is so much bigger than the other
Hey! Big sucking catfish, leave the little catfish alone
I wonder if the smaller one is the female
Or maybe the bigger one is the female
No that doesn’t make sense
Because when they have sexWHAT THE FUCK Kim, CONCENTRATE
*20 minutes*
Twitter
Facebook
Anyone updated their blog
Better see if anything’s going on in the world
SMH online
OH, it’s The World Today. I love that.
Listen.
Write.
I think I’m hungry. Is that hunger?
You can’t be hungry, you ate all that peanut butter turkish toast AND a massive packet of chips
There’s no way you’re going to lose 15kgs by the end of the year at this rate
Maybe I should go for a run
NO it’s too hot now but do go later. Yes later. Great idea.
*Later*
Well, those lawns aren’t going to trim themselves, best see how that new whipper snipper works
Well why the hell did I do that? THAT was a HUGE waste of my child free time.

Headdesk
headdesk
headdesk
headdesk
headdesk

ONWARD!

 

 

 

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  • Paula Petralunga

    Classic, Kim! You have such a knack for description. So funny….and true! 🙂

  • I thought I was the only one like that!!! All the intentions to work like a slave in my child free hours only to realise I get more done when there around…well maybe not but I am so good at zoning out from them (like right now) and using work as an escape, when there not here I spend more time starring at the wall and boiling the kettle. By the time I have thought about how im going to use my child free time, they are on their way home!
    twomonkeys recently posted..Welcome to Two Monkeys

  • Linda

    d’oh!

    you did write – a classic Kim post

    for an audience – us (your blog readers)

    and you did ‘publish’

    AND

    you also managed to tend to your personal beauty needs; care for family pets; food prep; gardening; laundry and general housekeeping.

    you are a legend!

    bet Hemmingway couldn’t top that – he propably lay around scratching his arse most of the time

    • Paola

      Linda coudn’t say it better.