- I decide to hang a load of washing out as I won’t have time in the morning* and get another load on.
- I clean out the chicken coop, check food levels and refill their water because again, I won’t have time tomorrow*. Jasper helps me, bless him.
- Felix and I drag the dead bbq out the front to the nature strip for council clean up because again, I won’t have time tomorrow*.
- I then take all manner of other crap, broken toys, disused, filthy and annoying toys out.
- I come in after dark and get in the shower – I scrub the floor while I’m in there.
- I get everyone else ready for bed.
- I discover someone did wet their bed despite them telling me this morning they didn’t. Hell hath no fury is a phrase that comes to mind.
- Change their sheets willing myself NOT to beat them to a pulp.
- Come down the back room to ‘deal with it’, which is really the only way I can approach our open living hellzone. I realise I’ve left the eggs out the back. Felix goes to get them for me.
- Felix runs in – there’s a possum in the coop. Again. This happened about two weeks ago when Felix discovered the invaders – AFTER we’d barricaded the miniature mulberry and the passionfruit vines because we thought the chooks were destroying them.
- We discover it’s reworked its original entry point. THEN we realise there is a smaller one ALSO in the coop. It’s come in through another tiny hole we hadn’t seen. Then we see the bandicoot. I swear to God it’s Animal Farm.
- At 10pm Felix and I are out in the coop, with the torch on my iPhone, with wire, patching holes. It’s basically when we see the massive huntsman we both decide it’ll have to do.
- Now contemplating another shower.
- Decide to call it quits and go to bed, realise ENTIRE king size bed is covered in washing from the last three days. Three days, six people. Think of your local laundromat and triple it.
- Sort washing. Put washing away.
This is all after:
- Being up all night with Jasper, who was spewing out both ends.
- Rushing Felix to school via the shops to get crap for him to eat at the school end-of-year picnic and a packet of party sausage rolls for me to take Grover’s kindy party.
- Fanging it to Grover’s kindy concert with Oscar AND Jasper in tow (as mum had rehab so couldn’t watch Jasper) after hastily wrapping gifts for his three teachers and writing ‘Reindeer Noses’ on the little packets of maltesers and jaffas I’d made for classmate presents, delightfully in a red sharpie. So festive.
- Surviving kindy concert with only wet eyes occurring once.
- (Almost) Last round of Christmas shopping – not bad after only starting yesterday.
- Going to school to witness the whole school farewell to Year 6 – a tunnel of honour, three cheers, lots of tears and goodbyes even thought most of them are going to the same high school together next year.
- Coming home, getting dinner sorted.
- Go to Point 1 at the top of the page.
I mean, FFS people.
* Tomorrow features Felix’s cricket, Oscar’s cricket, Oscar’s cricket Christmas party, Grover’s friend’s birthday party, Felix’s cricket Christmas party and then farewell drinks for some very dear friends moving to New Zealand, at which we can all be fairly certain I would have written myself off at were it not for the fact I’ll be driving and one drink will probably render me comatose.
Onward my arse.