For the last two weeks I have been of the firm and
unwavering melodramatic almost decided mind frame that the end of allconsuming had come.
After the unsavoury events of earlier in the year when writing my truth was used by others to make an already difficult and highly emotional time even worse and the
almost decade long years of me detailing the latest drama of our lives to unfold I was kinda not loving it here.
I felt compromised. I felt like an idiot – in the vein of people reading going ‘OH MY GOD here she goes again’ and ‘what is wrong with these people and how they limp from one disaster to the next’. I felt like there was a portion of the audience reading were not doing so to find out about me and my life but to sit in judgement with an eyeroll and ‘typical’ muttered under their breath.
And yes paranoia is part of my diagnosis thank you for asking.
I have not been in a pretty place these last few weeks. My mind has been ugly. And then I found this and knew everything in the world would be right again one day.
What is not to love folks. A vase?urn?vessel to commemorate the prancing pony world that was El Caballo Blanco (although that website seems to be some new incantation of what I recall and quite frankly what is not to love about a master of unique equestrian entertainment – prance pony prance!). I never went. I view it as a travesty of my parents and a stain on my childhood.
And I thought, how could I walk away when I have the perfect vehicle to share these joys with the world. So I decided to revamp the blog instead. Change. Holidays. All that.
And well. It’s THREE FUCKING NINETEEN in the morning and I now am using a theme which I don’t think was that different from my last? I don’t know. The last was so long ago. There’s been about four themes in the last three days and then there was the whole incident with sliding posts and static pages and custom menus and FUCK ME DEAD this shit is BORING and I DON’T CARE I just want it to look pretty and fresh. Not grim and surly.
But wayhayhay it appears we have utilitarian once more. What can I say. Old habits.
Check out what Corrine found for me: