Typical – UPDATED!

For the last two weeks I have been of the firm and unwavering melodramatic almost decided mind frame that the end of allconsuming had come.

After the unsavoury events of earlier in the year when writing my truth was used by others to make an already difficult and highly emotional time even worse and the almost decade long years of me detailing the latest drama of our lives to unfold I was kinda not loving it here.

I felt compromised. I felt like an idiot – in the vein of people reading going ‘OH MY GOD here she goes again’ and ‘what is wrong with these people and how they limp from one disaster to the next’. I felt like there was a portion of the audience reading were not doing so to find out about me and my life but to sit in judgement with an eyeroll and ‘typical’ muttered under their breath.

And yes paranoia is part of my diagnosis thank you for asking.

I have not been in a pretty place these last few weeks. My mind has been ugly. And then I found this and knew everything in the world would be right again one day.

What is not to love folks. A vase?urn?vessel to commemorate the prancing pony world that was El Caballo Blanco (although that website seems to be some new incantation of what I recall and quite frankly what is not to love about a master of unique equestrian entertainment – prance pony prance!). I never went. I view it as a travesty of my parents and a stain on my childhood.

And I thought, how could I walk away when I have the perfect vehicle to share these joys with the world. So I decided to revamp the blog instead. Change. Holidays. All that.

And well. It’s THREE FUCKING NINETEEN in the morning and I now am using a theme which I don’t think was that different from my last? I don’t know. The last was so long ago. There’s been about four themes in the last three days and then there was the whole incident with sliding posts and static pages and custom menus and FUCK ME DEAD this shit is BORING and I DON’T CARE I just want it to look pretty and fresh. Not grim and surly.

But wayhayhay it appears we have utilitarian once more. What can I say. Old habits.

Onward!

Check out what Corrine found for me:

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  • God it really is ugly isn’t it. I’ll have to deal with tomorrow. Or maybe not.

  • I live on another continent… I’ve never met you & probably never will… but I love reading about you and your family… I value your point of view, I learn from you, & I pray for you… THANK YOU for getting rid of the sliding boxes!… and please don’t go away.
    Pamela

    • Pamela, I’m not sure you’ll ever know how thrilled I am that you commented. THRILLED.

  • I actually went and I view it as a travesty of my parents and a stain on my childhood…and because I love you I’m telling you , this green is killing me.
    jodie recently posted..Adelaide (the softie that took 27 months)

  • I think we all go through times like that.Mine came after ABC where I felt my blog was pretty sad.But you know.its mine….I do it to vent and please myself and bore anyone who wants to read it.Very few peeps read it and even fewer peeps comment but it gets all those thoughts OUT of my head and onto the page.
    I think its good therapy…………JMHO.
    hang in there girl.

    much love
    xoxoxoxoxoxxxoxoxo
    pixie recently posted..sewing,knitting and books.

  • Vanessa

    Kim, oh Kim, life can suck. I have one friend with autistic twins and the marriage is over as of this last quarter, other friend have a diagnosis of extrapyramidal cerebral palsy for their nearly two year old, which is frankly a relief to have an outcome after all the testing and worry of the last year. But actually what is breaking my heart today is the news that a week ago one of my best friends had a chest tumour found in her little boy. He is the same age as Grover, Kim. He is sedated and ventilated but not responding to the chemo. They are in the UK and I am here. I can send text and a card and a fucking fruit box but the one thing I cannot do is hold her while we cry together because life sucks. Do I blog any of this? No way, I just let life pound me on to the rocks.
    So I love dipping into Allconsuming. You are real, and funny and we both like craft and have kids the same age. Life can suck, and if people want to judge and roll their eyes let them, they can choose not to read. The rest of us are happy with a reality check via you and your beautiful family.
    And I know I did not buy a raffle ticket for Oscar – we are saving Christmas money to give a big chunk of money to the family with cerebral palsy so the kid can keep getting early intervention therapy. Yup life sucks and you guys are doing a great job.
    vxx

    • Oh V, there is so much awful *stuff* happening to good people this year. It is sorely testing my faith in humanity. If your CP friend needs support/someone else to talk to I have a friend who’s 2.5year old has the same form (I think – is that when all limbs are affected?) and would be more than happy (would love to) to hook up with other families.

      And thanks for your lovely words.

  • What was wrong with it before? Nothing!
    blackbird recently posted..in the mail and in the store and on the blog

    • It felt tired and dirty and compromised. And by it you know I mean me.

  • Ruth

    Am glad ur back, I love reading ur witty articulate take on family life, hang in there!

  • Leanne

    Yay, you came back in time for my birthday, I know you did that just for me 🙂 Can you send me Cate Bolt’s address so I can go and nick that quilt? Thanks!! Wishing you all a great day 🙂

  • I have never heard of the caballo blanco…you reckon you’re childhood was stained, my parents took me to live in a town that had only two television stations and one of them was the ABC.

    I’m guessing today is a bit fabulous. What with the blog post at 3.19 and all that fiddling behind the scenes of the blog. Might I suggest an early night?

    Take care lovely lady. Your blog is fabulous, you write brilliantly, and since I’m sworn off twitter and facebook for a week or two, I’d miss you if you didn’t blog. xx
    tracy recently posted..Last night

    • we took it SO easy by walking up and around the Barrenjoey Headland. I have no idea why I’m feeling OK – probably a mania of some sort.

  • Just read this, ran to my pantry, took two things out that have been sitting there patiently waiting for you.

    It’s a goddamn sign, is what it is.

  • Linda

    that is the flugliest thing i have ever seen.
    you sure it is not an incontinence aid?

  • also ‘your’…not you’re…what can I say, I got up at 4.30 this morning
    tracy recently posted..On the subject of the (half) marathon…

  • Paola

    HUGS from me. I am in a VERY bad corner right now so I get it all.

  • You make me laugh. Lots.

    I no want you to disappear xx
    veggie mama recently posted..Garnier BB winners

  • OMG, that vase! Yep, I was deprived of El Caballo Blanco as well. Not impressed, parents, not impressed.

    • Now I’ve read the description it is a ‘posy vase’ – only 10cm tall and 7cm wide – HOW DARLING!

  • trash

    Without having been taken there I concur with Jodie.

    I may have said it before but I think it bears repeating – your blog, your rules. I’ll be reading whatever

  • Oh my gosh! We have an El Caballo Blanco not far from us – there are no prancing ponies and such now though. Now it’s a golf course that’s mostly used by Japanese tourists which is weird cos it’s about an hour and a half away from the city and the ‘resort’ is faded, old and ugly as sin. Though Hubby says the course itself is pretty darn fab.
    Kim, I love your blog. I hear your voice coming through, I cry along with you, I send you so many good thoughts/vibes/wishes (being of the not praying persuasion) and I laugh myself silly at your general hilariousness. You are one of my daily go-to’s and I’d miss you terribly if you weren’t posting. As one of my BFF’s used to tell me… Don’t let the turkey’s get you down!
    Mandi recently posted..Gratituesday

  • Why does your blog keep swallowing my comments?!! Argh! Can’t even remember what I said now but I am sure it was witty and wise and totally excellent. Lots of love, A.
    Amelia recently posted..A for Effort

  • don’t you go anywhere! where would we be without your witty writing! you always make me laugh with your honesty and don’t ever stop!

    i really hope things improve soon, sometimes everything just happens all at once and it seems like it’s one bad thing after the other but I always just do my day by day approach, bake something nice and know it can only get better from herexxxxx