Some people are truly pissed at me for writing what I have here these last few days.

My immediate reaction is to pull the posts down or at least edit them heavily.

To keep the peace or at least the satus quo.

To not rock the boat.

To be the good girl.

I have edited the last post for a range of reasons.

In part for all those reasons above.

Maybe because after one week of conflict I’m too tired to maintain the fight/conflict/tension/rage (not to mention the ongoing anxiety attacks, the likes and severity and sustained nature of which I haven’t felt since the precursor to Code Red).

Definitely to bring a cessation to the angry, aggressive, accusatory text messages.

But ultimately I have done it for my mum.

Through all of this my concern has been for her and my relationship with her.


I will say however that this is my place, my space. That what I write here is my story. Where I can tell my truth.

That’s all.




Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • just do what makes you feel better. what is right for your truth. it is your space. and what a great space it is xxxxxx

  • Mrs Woog

    It is a problem when your family reads your blog. xx

  • It’s a delicate tightrope, isn’t it? Sending hugs … xo
    Bronnie recently posted..We are not twits- we are awesome!

  • Sending you big squishy hugs, lovely. I’ve only just caught up with your world and it’s definitely hard when family read your blog. I know that I find that I can’t REALLY write what I’m thinking because of what the reactions might be. xx
    Tina ~ tina gray {dot} me recently posted..Is someone stealing your blog content

    • I just want to be able to tell my truth without the wrath of others reigning down on me.

      • Oh, you can … trust me. I do it all the time, using allusions and mirrors. Sometimes, it’s often the things that I DON’T say that are so blatant.

        It’s like, an artform.
        edenland recently posted..The Barrie Show

  • Kill

    You love them. Doesn’t mean you will always agree. Doesn’t mean you should have to hide your feelings. Doesn’t mean you have to put up with being treated with disrespect. Doesn’t mean you can’t choose to ignore them for self preservation. Families need to respect they are made up of individuals, and that love is not always easy.

    • I love you so much Kill and I can NOT wait to just be a few hours closer to you.

  • Dude! I look away for one minute and it all goes to hell in a handbasket?! Thinking of you, it’s a life’s work keeping the family peace, right? Or not. There’s no more fraught relationship. And when you’re a blogger it’s all out in front. Hope you’re feeling OK today. Can’t be an easy week. xxx
    inner pickle recently posted..sometimes times stands still

  • families……sigh…..

    massive hugs
    pixie recently posted..Sunday Sunnies

  • big hugs! you gotta love families that read blogs! I wish mine didn’t!
    corrie recently posted..Cadburys fundraiser giveaway

  • Start a *private* blog. lol. Bloody families. ((hugs))
    Melody recently posted..I Feed Spiders To My Girls For Their Dinner

  • I hope you find your answers. I think you are very brave – to be living with your mother, to be raising 4 boys, to be writing it all down for everyone to see.

    big hugs hope you find your way through it all.

  • Have been thinking about you all day. I know I don’t comment all that often, but I do read your words 🙂 Yes this is your space and if they don’t like it they should get their own space and write their own stories…but at the end of the day you need to be able to relax and not worry about what you wrote. The conflict that it causes, and how this affects you, may not be worth it. The anxiety is may not be worth it (I know).
    keepcatebusy (Cate) recently posted..Day 207 – giveaway roundup

  • Elizabeth

    Thinking of you honey. As you say, this is your space. You shouldn’t have to censor your thoughts. Lots of love xxx

  • You have to say what you feel on whatever medium you want and having a forum of supportive people that read this is what you need and not critisism. I have not read all your blogs and only know you from what I read and twitter and there isn’t one mean word in these blogs. You can hear that you are screaming for help. So I hope that you find help soon through a solution you are happy with.

    • Thank you so much.

      • So good to talk to you tonight. Can’t wait for a catch-up in person soon.

  • I love you and your strength. If those nosey ones read back through this blog then they would know that you were in big trouble a few years ago, that you have resumed your place in this world with humour and dignity (and some damn fine cooking), that you have kept together a marriage and a family in the face of great stressors and that the bond between you and your mother is exceptional. Sure it’s been tested but fuck it’s stayed true.

    A few hours closer to Kill – what does this mean? Is that good for Eden and me?
    mary Canning recently posted..The Purple Noons Transparent Might and a giveaway

  • Linda

    what everyone else said and….May the 4th be with you!

  • angemag

    Dear All Consuming

    I have been reading your blog for over a month now and adore all that it contains.

    I have so much I want to write and share, but all the really, meaty good stuff will drop me in a pile of it so I just can’t start. I understand and desire the need to write like no-one’s watching – but they are, and you have to share a meal/coffee/surname/children with them at some point.

    I admire the change you have made to your post and thoroughly understand why.

    Would love to meet you one day in person and share all the uncensored stuff …! xxx

  • Kill

    Just remembering how blogging was part of what brought you back from the brink before, (along with your dearest ones, oh and good drugs). Is that not worth respecting? And although I support what you do here, if I didnt, it sure beats the alternative (your head actually exploding). Love you too. Big squeeze 😉

  • Old School

    Whatever happened to discussing it face to face, man to man, woman to woman. A phone call, a conversation rather than sitting in a 2011 trench (ie a keyboard). Just remember, you cant milk a cow by sending it an email/tweet/blog. My advice is harden up, dont be afraid to lose, take it on the chin…rather than mope behind the security of a keyboard, and gaining respite from others tweets/emails etc. Get face to face and sort it out

    • Hey Old School, funny you know, the core issue in all of this is my relationship with my mum and we will work that out together. As we are and have in the past.
      Others are angry at me for voicing things here on my blog, for airing it ‘in public’. That is a completely separate issue and one on which the parties involved (ie me and them) are just going to have to respect each other’s position and agree to disagree.
      Mum and I have and are moving on and I hope those I have upset or angered by my actions can do the same.

  • Paola

    Families are hard. In real life, in blogland, everywhere and anyhow.
    We all have our own and we all must deal with it.
    Onward, my dear.

  • It is a hard balance – the honesty and then the self-censorship because of ‘readers’…..

    I sometimes wish no-one I knew read my blog. It was more honest when that was the case. And the honesty part of it was something I got a lot out of personally.

    So I sympathise. I err far to much on the side of censorship nowdays.
    rakster recently posted..Bad parent of the day- dad