A new day

So much has happened, so much is going to change but as I type it is all the same. And that’s OK.

I learned – in a very hard way – that some of my relatives read this blog. It appears that when they read this post they didn’t see a daughter deeply concerned for a parent, they saw someone saying dreadful things about someone else.

Those of you who know me know that could not be further from the truth. Your comments confirm this – offering advice and insights from your own experience or just empathy for when you are in a stressful situation with one you love.

It appears those relatives then decided, instead of calling me and asking what was going on and if there was anything they could do, advice they could offer, shoulder to lean on or ear to hear with, rang their own mother asking how and why I would say such dreadful things about my mine.

I want to say thank you to all of you who have commented, sent private tweets, emailed me, sent me texts and (gasp) spoken to me over the last stressful week to ensure I was OK, to see where things were at, to offer an ear or advice and to just show me that you care.

Your concern, understanding, love and empathy has been invaluable.

There are some very exciting times ahead.

Onward!

 

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  • How freaking dreadful and destructive!! Truly some people need to look a bit closer to home instead of inflicting judgement and misery on others…. Kim you sound like you’ve got a healthy resolve about these toxic relatives (and let’s face it most of us have one but in your case it seems to be in the gene pool) onwards and upwards indeed ! xx

    • Liss, the thing that slays me is that when we see each other it is lovely. But what floors me is that in this kind of situation there is no communication, just judgement. And also how brutal my aunts were in what was the only solution. And that is what shows me there is no real relationship there at all.

    • And look – at the end of the day they perhaps did me a service – they truly forced the issue(s) to the end point, making mum and I have the hardest of hard discussions we all try to avoid and ignore.

  • Oh, Kim, extended family can be such a pain and a blessing. I’m sorry yours have been less than supportive in what seems to be a very stressful time for you. It’s times like these I am thankful that most of my extended family is far, far away and not in communication with us. I could not bear any more judgement and interference than I already get.

    I hope you and your mum are able to get through this together….
    Dorothy recently posted..Motherhood – the big unknown

  • Fe

    ((((hugs)))))

    xoxo (email sent)
    Fe recently posted..The next day…

  • I am lucky to have a lot of people in my life that I love, but not many of them that I would want to live with. I think that people confuse the too. I am amazed by your strength and honesty and I bet that the people with shit to say are jealous of it.

  • It’s a hard one, isn’t it? You want to be honest and open on your blog but there’s always this risk…
    Glad you can see a silver lining in the situation though.
    xx

  • Aunts….
    can’t shoot ’em, can’t tie ’em to a tree….

    🙂
    Frogdancer recently posted..And she’s not even blonde!

  • Sending you love and hugs xx

  • Lots of love to you. x
    Kirsty recently posted..Chat amongst yourselves…

  • families can suck.
    I know.

    massive hugs
    pixie recently posted..Sunday Sunnies

  • As long as your relationship with your mum endures and indeed strengthens then that is all that matters..
    Mary recently posted..The Purple Noons Transparent Might and a giveaway

    • exactly. And that has been my motivation through all of this. Regardless of what others may think.

  • Linda

    as a daughter i often find myself wanting to throttle the life out of my mother. she can be mean; judgemental; nosey; irrational; impossible to please etc. but she is my mum. i can say anything i want about her…but heaven help A.N.Y.B.O.D.Y. else who says a bad word against her. she is my mum. (birth/adopted who gives a shit) when i don’t need her she is at her worst. when i do need her i know she is always there for me – no matter what. just as she knows I am there for her…when it really counts. the reverse goes for the relationship between me and my daughter.

    normal mums know that their children don’t always like them but they are smart enough to know that their children always love them.

    those who would cast judgement on other mother/daughter relationships might be surprised if they examined their own. (add in the “in-law” prefix and it gets even more interesting!)

    the only advantage to being under attack from others is that we tend to circle the wagons and stick closer together. may this recent awfulness draw you and your Mum closer.

    • yet another brilliant comment from you my dear. I love this. Love.

  • Kim I adore you, your honesty, your passion for life … your realness. ADORE.

    I’ve had this exact thing happen with me, too. Certain aunts have trawled all of my old blog posts, like scuba divers … seeping to the surface with mutterings of “Oh, how could she write this about her own MOTHER?” How could I? Well, it’s called the Truth. They should try it sometime. (This was even after I’d gone back myself to take down old posts that I thought were too … tricky to let mum read.)

    Everything I write on my blog is fair game, fodder for whoever reads it. It is a strange thing, to live our lives out loud. It’s also a ballsy, brave thing to do. To show people the real struggles in life – THAT is what attracts me to a blog, a person.

    Well done. Onwards indeed.

    ~endeth~
    edenland recently posted..The Barrie Show

    • thanks bloss, I guess for me it’s about living a true life. No pretence.

  • Dawn

    Kim, I have a quote stuck on my fridge that says “Family is not about whose blood you have, it’s about who you care about.” So true in my family and the more I talk to people about their families, it seems I’m not the only one. You’re a good person, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    • I have been AMAZED at how many people have families they struggle with. Fascinating huh.

  • jac

    How awful for your mum to have to go through all of that. Hope you are all doing better.

    Hey! Write a password protected post! Even if it’s just a recipe for scones, they’ll be sure to assume it’s ALL ABOUT THEM. MUAHAHAHAAAA.

  • LindaS

    Oh pet! What an awful situation! I’m here if you need to chat. Hugs and tea a-plenty on offer!

  • There are no words! Just hugs and understanding. I have always wondered why we must travel through these life dramas….to makes us better, to make us stronger????
    I don’t know….I say go with your gut, stay strong and all else fails drink heavily! By the way this is my Mum’s philosophy & she drinks lots of Tea…..I drink lots of red wine!
    Thinking of you
    Suzie

  • oh kim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe that! how totally crazy, I really got the love you have for your mum through your blog posts. Oh I can’t believe it but I do know all about families and the crap that goes on. But I also believe things happen for a reason and great things will be ahead for you! you really needed that box of fundraising chocolates for you.
    hang in there,
    corrie:)
    corrie recently posted..Cadburys fundraiser giveaway

  • Bravo you!
    I try to remember that some days are green days (green’s my favourite colour!)and some are black.
    You can’t fix everything – some of the people we love the most are just plain broken – it doesn’t mean we have to be.
    You are one of those refreshingly rare people who has the courage of their convictions and I’m thrilled to have found you.