I love the smell of armpit in the morning

So I knew all this herbal shit would turn around and bite me on the arse. Or armpit as the case might be.
Last week this weird, painful lump arrived in my left armpit. Naturally I presumed cancer. I mean, why ponder reality when you can live drama!

But over the weekend my one painful lump grew to about six agonising unable-to-rest-my-arm-at-a-natural-angle mounds of anger.

I know, it’s all Chenille’s Institute de Beaute around here. My wordy lordy yes it is.

It meant I could no longer ignore the phone calls from my GP to come in and discuss the results of my ultrasounds and CT scans from my last bout of seriously feel like I’m turning into a hypochondriacitis.

So:
1. I have a bulging disc in my back with the swelling pressing onto my spinal chord. This is remarkably common and no surprise considering I am the woman who lives in the shoe but if I don’t deal with it surgery will be necessary. Noted.

2. I have blocked infected sebaceous cysts under my arm. I’ll give those of you in different time zones some time to go clean up your breakfast you just brought up.

Back? OK. This is also remarkably common and not necessarily caused by my new wonder-homemade deodorant but maybe. So now, no deodorant whatsoever. Yes, that malodorous mass that is emanating from Sydney’s Northern Beaches is my undeodorised armpit.

As my GP said, just because it is all natural does not mean it can not have inflammatory results. When I told him what was in the magical you-still-sweat-but-do-not-smell wonder-deodoriser he was all ‘you could probably make a bomb from those ingredients’. I know, medical advice and a sense of humour. The guy is a legend.

This all followed my bursting into tears on him and basically filling his room with verbal garbage filling my being at the moment about imminent hot weather + me pushing maximum density + no clothing that fits. When I relayed the hardwired messages I tell myself that are so very unhelpful he said, ‘you realise what you just described was exactly the conversation I have with myself and I thought for a moment you were reading my mind’. Bless him.

The upshot of all this?  Antibiotics. (aka hello urinary tract infection my old friend) and cutting myself some slack and starting on some very small goals that are not weight loss related but health and wellbeing orientated.

So tomorrow my inlaws are having Grover so after I offload him I’ll be heading to the pool for some laps.

Keep an eye on the evening news for the first drowning of Spring.

Onward!

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  • Di

    I'm pretty confident you can't make a bomb with those ingredients, but I have to say a GP with a sense of humour is a thing to be cherished. Hope you survive the swim and are able to find the opportunities to do it regularly. (I mean swim regularly you know).

  • Kill

    I was going to write some scathing remark about your weird herbal self on the last post – but you have reaped your own reward! Cysts – NOICE!!
    And do look after that back – surgery is not fun and not a permanent solution – just ask my father and my sister! You poor thing – come and let me look after you for a few days (yey!!)

  • MMBB

    I think our GP's might be related.

    I am also having a shit time, medically and otherwise.

    Staph infection on one side of nose, take antibiotics, clears infection but makes me want to vomit. Infection appears on other side of nose, use scripted cream, disappears, re-appears on my LIP like a case of crack whore herpes, get a different antibiotic, lip better but antib. give me throat ulcers! and migraines have returned

    What next.

  • BabelBabe

    you won't drown, love. we, um, larger types, are buoyant. have a good swim.

    also, re: the armpit? only you, dear. I think we get a little crazy living with all these men, and this is what happens.

  • trash

    I'm with BabelBabe. Last time I went swimming I noticed that my inbulit, girlie flotation devices worked to flip me over at the slightest slowing down of overarm movement.

  • Paola

    I can only second BabelBabe and Trash.
    It's a lifetime I've telling everyone that I will NEVER drown. There is no way of keeping me underwater.
    So swim happily dear Kim and ENJOY IT.

  • ThirdCat

    I always burst into tears at the GPs. Never once been that I didn't cry. I had sebaceous cysts on my back when I was at school. Some hippy friend of my mum's tried to get rid of them by rubbing vitamin b capsules on them. Didn't work. When I got them dealt with by the doctor, that was the only week my mother ever wrote me a note to get me out of PE.

  • blackbird

    Oh, my dear…I have nothing wise to impart (as you KNOW I am always wise).
    But I heart you.

  • Duyvken

    Swim and enjoy it! What else can a girl do?
    xx

  • Corrie

    what a lovely dr you have!!!!!!!! he sounds like a keeper!

    swimming makes everything feel better especially when you are doing it on your own

    Corrie:)

  • Glen

    yoinks!! alcohol can save you !! p.s. I have made that comment without actually reading your previous posts – should you turn out to be a recovering alcoholic, then that advice may not be of use. Please accept my apology for my lack of thought.

  • sooz

    Aw fuck. That's the price of desmelling?! Seems a bit bloody steep.

  • Natalie

    Hey thanks for following my blog!

    Oh the stories we could swap about medical issues. I'm a walking ticking time-bomb. And sebaceous cysts? Yeah, I've had them in worse places lol.

    Great blog! I've really enjoyed reading so far!

  • tiff(threeringcircus)

    I think you need to send your GP this way, or at least a box of tissues.

    Hope you are feeling better in your world this week.