This week I’ve bee marvelling at my resilience, reflecting on this year and how well we have all come through it.
Let’s recap for the cheap seats shall we?
– Mum’s second hip replacement in February which revealed a lesion on her first hip replacement.
– Having two bulging discs in my lower back
– Oscar’s bilateral foot surgery and recovery
– Chef being fired
– Chef getting a new awesome job and a wickedly good place but taking a more-than-substantial pay cut
– Mum falling over on one of the ramps we’d installed for Oscar and being rushed to hospital
– Dad having arthroscopes on both knees and then a knee replacement
– Researching high school options for Oscar and the wait on hearing if we were successful in our first choice
– My inlaws being overseas for six weeks
– Chef having a motorcycle accident
– Mum dislocating her hip and requiring emergency surgery to complete a revision (ie a replacement of a replacement)
– My inlaws going away for three weeks
and then I realised that perhaps I wasn’t coming through all this as unscathed as I had thought:
– the lower back is still not tickety boo, with pain often shooting down my legs or banding around my lower abdomen
– the return of acne break-outs to rival my teenage years
– a complete inability to stick to any weight-loss related activity
– painful big toes my GP suspects is early stages of arthritis
– suspect hernia (which it isn’t but most likely referred pain from the lower back)
– the rearing of the ugly head of mood disorder issues (remarkable curtailed by the introduction of Team Berry)
and more recently
– inexplicable chronically painful left ankle with pains shooting down my foot and up my leg all the way to the hip on a fairly constant basis
– an incredibly painful lump in my left underarm which over the weekend multiplied to about six incredibly painful lumps under my left arm. I tried to squeeze one last night and almost passed out from the pain. Idiot.
– a rising anxiety about the onset of warmer weather (no really, I’m having heart palpitations about it. Seriously.)
I had a whinge to Mum today which, granted, was particularly selfish considering she’s recovering from major major surgery and trapped in a rehab hospital and has just missed out on going to Europe but she responded as only a mother can.
You see, apparently, if I could just lose 10 kilos I would feel so much better.
Because my mother said it of course I didn’t say, ‘no, actually, I think a lot of this is stress-related’ I just fell even further into the hole of ‘oh dear GOD I am so huge and physically repulsive’.
She suggested I could put the whole family on a diet and make it a project! Like making a quilt! Or crocheting a rug! Come on guys! Let’s all diet! Together!
You know and I know that on a level she is absolutely bang on the money. To lose weight I need to stop shovelling food into my mouth as a comfort and counter-weight to the stress in my life. To lose weight I need to get off my arse and start moving more. Doing both these things would improve my fitness, my waistline and my mental health.
But it just hurts to have someone say it out loud.
OH OH OH – and tonight, just as this fug was well and truly descending on my head, I realised a whole section of one of my molars was missing. Awesome. Dental work.
Cue: head hitting table.