In which I get something off my more than ample chest

Several weeks ago a large advertising firm called for submissions from bloggers interested in doing some work. I didn’t hear anything and was formulating all manner of funny open letter style posts last week until I got back from Craft Camp to discover the force that is Not Drowning, Mothering had not only done so but done so with such skill McCann emailed everyone to let them know where they were at.

I tried to write a witty little reply but instead believe I either came across totally manic (tick), desperate (tick) or baying for public adulation (guilty as charged). Awesome work Kim,

The initial call-out had something in it about looking for people who might tell a story but are able to draw a conclusion for it, are capable of offering advice from their experience or something in that realm.

And that’s where I kind of come undone.

I basically constantly fret that people drop in here for the rubber-necker in all of us. You know, the ‘oooh, a I wonder what fresh hell has befallen allconsuming’s lot this week’ and yes yes, I know I have voiced this before and those of you that do comment left lovely comments saying that was certainly not the case. Bless your cotton socks.

Then I read a blog who got trip from a major food and beverage company and when she quizzed them as to why her, was told it was because her blog was so positive and upbeat.

Well fuck me.

I don’t do radiance and light. I do life. I do kids, I do me and the many public humiliation situations I fall into, I do getting older, I do special needs, I do raising boys, I do food, I do learning how to sew and quilt and crochet (although granted I haven’t talked about my crafting antics for a while because hello, see all the rest).

But the reality is there’s seven people in this house so it is fairly likely some shit is going to be hitting a fan somewhere virtually every day.

I don’t try to make it read funny, just how I see it.

I just had the most awesome weekend away where there was so much talk about dicks, pelvic floors (or lack thereof), body fat and the threat of explosive diarrhoea my undies were basically permanently damp from the wee leaks from laughing so hard so long.

But I’ve come back to a household with a mother who was meant to be going overseas for six weeks (cue un-muted bedroom shenanigans and Chef possibly having his bed shark fed a little more often than the never it’s currently living on) now going into hospital for major major surgery.

So maybe I should say my blog is about the Japanese proverb: fall seven times, stand up eight.

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  • Good Golly Miss Holly!

    Amen sister! I'd be more worried if you were pasting on a cheesy ass grin and pretend life was all rainbows and butterflies if it wasn't. Keep on keepin' it real!

  • Mary

    That Japanese proverb is perfection.

    You are loved for you Kim.

  • Mrs Woog

    I try to be positive and get cool travel junkets, but I keep saying FUCK to much I suspect. Bitching is my forte and I am happy whenever anyone reads it and nods. Even better if someone comments. Fuck it! They would probably send me with a one way ticket to Iraq. xo

  • Frances

    good News is Crap news… you are Real News… Your name isn't Pollyanna you know…. Though the mother of four boys probably hasn't had to endure watching that heap of GOOD NEWS 18 million times like I did….

  • Ms Brown Mouse

    I don't bother reading positive and upbeat for the most part, dull really πŸ™‚

  • Eleanor

    Bed shark, teehee. Who says your not uplifting?

  • Veronica

    I think I wrote a very similar post in response to the same thing. My blog isn't sweetness and light, it isn't happy happy joy joy. (however, I should clarify that I adore the blogger who got the awesome gig because her blog is all positive. my blog just isn't it and probably never will be)

    I think that's why I read you, because you're *real* and I relate to you and your blog, a lot. A LOT.

    That said, current post on my main blog has photos of baby chickens, because I figured I needed some cute already.

  • Mandi

    I read everyday but don't comment often. I wanted to let you know that I'm not here for the train-wreck rubber-necking, I'm here because your take on life makes me laugh out loud, sometimes I shed a tear of two, sometimes I nod my head and empathise because I'm dealing with or remember going through the same thing/s and sometimes I just wonder how the heck you manage to keep going. Sweet and light is lovely and has it's place but real life is much more fun.

  • trash

    There is a blogger here in the UK that I have stopped reading because she is so sickly sweet and 'heart skippy-happy' I was beginning to feel nauseated at the end of each post.

    I prefer blogs that offer an insight into other people's lives because then I know I am not alone. Yours is one of my go-to reads. If it were in my power I would send you on that holiday.

    Also 'bed shark'? Heehehehehehehe.

  • peskypixies

    I also come here for your honesty and sometimes the laughs and sometimes the recipes…..but mainly the honesty.

    My blog is not full of happiness and light…I deal with shit and i tell it how it is………

    hugs girlfriend.hugs

  • Corrie

    you are keepin' it real and that's why we love you!!!!!!!! plus you're an awesome writer.

    And there is that old pantene proverb – it won't happen overnight but it will happen – so hang in there!

    p.s I applied for that gig too and haven't heard anything!


  • Adriana

    I only just discovered your blog a few days ago, and already I'm hooked. The first post I read was 'shitty, the shitter, vaginal probes and more'…

    Loved it!

    Your real-life stories are great. So much more interesting than all that 'positive and upbeat' fluff.

  • thewoodbus

    Ah my dear Friend….Let me start
    by saying I suck at writing,posting, and blogging! But am always happy if not thrilled to give my opinion on EVERYTHING! πŸ™‚
    Since meeting you I have used your amazing advice and wisdom more than once. I think you are a brilliant writer, comediene, and an upbeat gorgeous woman! Keep the blogs as real as they are, I LOVE them! T

  • Jodie

    and I can't help wondering what a starving bed shark sounds like….

  • Paola

    Here's something. I come back to your blog regularly because you are REAL, because I FEEL what you say and because more times than not I find upbeat and funny and uplifting IN SPITE of shit hitting your fans!
    I never read a post and felt "oh this is so annoying"…NEVER. To the contrary I am always inspired to know how you deal with your life. It's one big, complicated, all consuming (pun not intended) life you lead.
    And you do it with grace, compassion and LOVE.
    Thanks for being you.

  • piafilippi

    Kim, I was pretty sad to read this post. I'm sure you can see by the amount of comments that what you do here at all consuming is not only informative and hilarious in spades but it's really needed. You are the first person I've come accross in print or blog that has truly made me feel at home with my take on parenting and it's related circus. Seriously, you know we are a valid market, just hang in there!

  • Anonymous

    Don't go changing, your blog is such a standout in a web full of saintly mothers on steroids who have nothing interesting to say and only present a sanitised snippet of the day. Mummy locking herself in the toilet to scream ends up on the cutting room floor.

    Your the SBS of the mummy blog world, no commercial crap for me thanks…keep up with the nudity and coarse language!

  • Elizabeth

    In advertising I think they call it finding your market. You have found your market and we (your market) are just a group of real parents gettin it done! I’m going to confess the posts when you are feeling very down or lots of shite has hit the fan make me anxious… like I think it’s all too much for you. Oh god this comment make no sense and I’ve said 'your market' too many times.
    Do you use this blog as a supportive place to get it all out or share stuff? Then it is what it is and that is perfect for you.
    Take Care. Sorry about the hungry bed shark not getting fed anytime soon πŸ˜‰

  • Duyvken

    Stick to your style and I am sure that you will eventually find an opportunity that fits.

  • Anonymous

    I've been reading and not commenting for a long time (lurking sounds so dirty). Your blog is inspiring because it's not all sunshine and flowers. I love the way you write and hope you keep it up.

  • innercitygarden

    Advertisers be damned!

    You've totally cornered the tightarse crazylady market. The National Tightarse Crazylady Association had a meeting last night and voted and everything, so I think I can speak on behalf of the group.

  • Anonymous

    I don't comment, I read. I love your recipes and many times you've made me laugh til I cried with a description of some crazy moment(s) and sometimes, I admit, I get fed up with all the shit things that happen to you and I wonder how you can complain about being so broke but manage to cook up sumptuous meals for your family BUT – that makes me want to come back and check you're okay, that you're dealing with things. I don't know you, but I know you. Your style is reminiscent of Dooce. You're like an Aussie Dooce to me. Don't change your style, it sits right.

  • jac

    What else is your blog, but what is happening to you? And I doubt you'd want to write it if it had to be all happiness and bunny farts and What I Did On My Wednesday, Episode VII: Skipping Through The Supermarket. And I also mutter "Onwards!" to myself so I have a secret fondness for that part. And also, apparently, for Random Capitalisation.

  • eurolush

    I admit it.

    I come here for a few reasons.

    They are these:

    1. You are hilarious.

    2. You express your feelings and thoughts exceedingly well.

    3. And, I like you.

    PS-I think Paola actually said it best.

    PPS-I will be stealing 'bed shark.'

  • reality raver

    Hell I love your blog and I think you write about your life and all its ups and downs in an upbeat way.

    Don't change just to get blogola.

  • The NDM of Not Drowning, Mothering

    Firstly, if you'd written your own Open Letter to [advertising agency] it would have rocked big time.

    Secondly, a wise friend once told me when I got all down-in-the-mouth about my flatlining readership numbers that I could either write stuff that appealed to the masses (or, indeed, the advertisers) or I could just write whatever the fuck I liked and know that I had a small but incredibly discerning audience.

    I chose the latter and try to pass this wisdom on wherever I can.

    The NDM XX

  • kim at allconsuming


    I so wasn't fishing for compliments, I was just trying to voice a frustration I have with the whole blogging realm at the moment.

    But thank you all the same. Thank you very much.

  • blackbird

    Have I ever mentioned that I kind of hate large advertising firms?