A return to normal programming – hernia or cranky ovaries?

So that weird pain I’ve had in the lower right side of my body could actually be something as opposed to my chronic headache relocating due to boredom and/or exploring a possible sea-change type move.

I mentioned the constant hot burning pain to my brother in passing on Sunday, mainly because I was exhausted after another night of Grover deciding I MUST sleep with him in his single bed on his crappy mattress as opposed to my king size bed albeit with a crappy mattress and I therefore needed to whinge ad infinitum.

Now granted my brother took almost a decade to complete his three-year science degree but all those extra years meant all those medical science subjects had a chance to really sink in. ‘That sounds like a hernia. You should get that checked out. You know, if you leave it too long your insides will start to rot’.

Awesome. Cue another night of such peaceful sleep.


So yesterday I broke the family seal of managing to not have seen our GP for all of, wow, I don’t know, six, maybe even n.i.n.e. weeks?

Our GP is a legend and as I’m telling him about this pain and how I’d been discrediting it due to presumptions of it being transferred pain from my dodgy lower back or ovulation or just basically all being in my head he was all, ‘that sounds like a hernia, or an ovarian cyst, or it could be ovarian cancer but that’s highly unlikely but I’d still want to count it out’.

See, it’s statements like that which is why men just don’t bother with doctors. Ever.

So he’s asking me if I can feel any lumps and I’m all, ‘dude, look at me, look at the rolls and folds I’d have to dig through to find a  lump’. But as he’s making me cough and doing his own digging he finds a  lump. Awesome.

So now I have to have a CAT scan because he wants to see the state of the discs in my lower back due to the ongoing nature of my dodgy lower back and to rule it out as the cause. Seeing as Miami Vice wanted the same thing done I figure it now has to happen.

I also have to have an ultrasound on my right ovary and general lower abdomen area. Apparently this is best done during days 7-10 of your cycle because that’s when the uterine wall is at it’s thinest and they get much better images. Do you think I can remember what Day I’m on. I don’t know, maybe 15? 18? Who the fuck knows (probably Chef who has my menstrual calendar on his iPhone so desperate is he to pinpoint windows of opportunity for Special Time) so I’m now waiting until my next period to then work it out and book an appointment.

Hopefully my guts won’t start rotting before then. Although, that sounds like an awesome opportunity for weight loss don’t you think?

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