It’s taken 37 years

but tonight I discovered I.HAVE.NITS.

Felix had been complaining of an itchy head since last week but Felix complains about a lot of things so I scratched his head to pretend I cared and moved on. He said tonight his head was still itchy so I took a closer look and thought to myself, ‘so that’s what lice eggs look like’.

I gave him a #3 buzz cut.
I smothered his head in conditioner and then fine-tooth-combed it.

I checked Jasper’s head and thought to myself, ‘so wow, this is really happening. That’s what lice eggs look like’.

I gave him a #3 buzz cut
I smothered his head in conditioner and then fine-tooth-combed it. 
I didn’t even bother checking Grover’s head.
I gave him a #3 buzz cut
I smothered his head in conditioner and then fine-tooth-combed it. 
Oscar escaped this process due to already being asleep but has a #3 so really, our journey to White Trash seems almost complete. 
By this stage I realised that I too had been itching for a few days. I told myself it was psychosomatic because I am very prone to such things. I remember once talking to a friend about thrush and how I hadn’t had it in an age and then waking up with it the next day. Seriously, it’s a miracle I’m still alive. 
I got mum to check my head but she couldn’t see any eggs or lice. 
She wasn’t wearing her glasses. 
I smothered my head in conditioner anyway.
And fine toothed combed it.
And found a slumbering louse. 
Goddammit. 
My hair is now outrageously fluffy and my children look like criminals but my GOODNESS those little critters are not going to take hold on my watch. 
I am eyeing all memories suspiciously as to where the hell they’ve come from. 
So five beds have been stripped and remade, eleventy gagillion towels gathered up and the washing pile never looked so menacing. If I had half a chance I’d probably dose the lot with kero and have a little bonfire in the backyard. 
Lice! Can you fucking believe it.
Onward!
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  • trash

    I have rarely been as mortified in my adult life as when my girl stayed home from school so I could condition and comb all those headbugs out of her hair. I drowned those wrigglers in a mug of hot water and smiled the whole time. That night I did same for the boychild and the man and then sat in the bath dragging a nitcomb across my scalp so hard I didn't know if the white things I saw were lice or bits of skin.

    Now it is just a matter of rote that everyone gets checked every few weeks and conditioned and combed accordingly.

    There seems to be a differnet attitude over her as I have never met anyone who has had the same reaction you and I share to having headbugs. Bloody English!

  • Fe

    Oh god… and now I'll probably get it just from reading about it.

    Good luck…. I feel for you. xox

  • Badger

    Since I'm currently sporting a #3 buzz cut myself, it's good to know I'm ready for a full-on nit attack.

    And that's another thing to add to the shirt. "Not a lesbian, don't have cancer OR NITS, etc."

    Oy.

  • sooz

    we get it all the time. all the goddam time. Just Amy and me mind, the boys both somehow have immunity.

  • Mrs Woog

    getting itchy just reading your post. At least the HAIRDRESSER dod not discover your nits, as that happened to a "friend"of mine.

  • Jodie

    I work in a primary school – there is NEVER a time when the school is nit free…Wait till sewjourn – I have a great Nit story !

  • Mary

    "so i scratched his head to pretend I cared" – fell about laughing – so like my mothering.
    Have done the trash thing.

    And have the badger haircut so might get the same teeshirt..

  • Elizabeth

    Yeah Nits Suck 🙂
    I have one child who gets them just by mentioning the words "classroom mat" and one child who has never had them… Just another of lifes parenting mysteries.

  • blackbird

    Locusts. I think locusts might be next. Or is it frogs raining down from the sky?

  • Janet

    mmm yeah, just waiting for our turn with the nits. Given Grace's aversion to getting her hair wet I can just tell it will be super fun when that day arrives.

    oh and I saw one of the kids with his new haircut in the playground this morning, number two buzzcut with long rat tail. So you know, just in case you want to mix it up 😉

  • kim at allconsuming

    I did contemplate leaving the back longer but you know, even I have my limitations at using my kids for irony.

  • Ms Brown Mouse

    This, THIS is why I don't have children. I could not cope, just could not – I'm itching just reading about it!

  • Anonymous

    My life paralels yours in so many ways! I was parent helper a few year back – my son didn't get it – but I did, hair almost down to my waist! Husband couldn't get rid of them properly, so I was reduced to spending an afternoon with a girlfriend who actually has daughters (Me= 3 sons!) and knew how to deal with it!(A few glasses of wine, made for an almost spa-like afternoon!) I went 37 years without getting them too!

    Now we also have an infamous family photo. My Mum requested for her 70th birthday, a photo of my 3 boys. It took 2 sessions with them till we finally got one I was happy with – towards the last shot son #2 yells, "Son #1 has nits!" Yeah, sure – stop teasing your brother. Ahem – he wasn't teasing – they were EVERYWHERE! – so, a #3 buzzcut & treatment later, they were gone – but, when I downloaded the photos – I have the most beautiful photo of my 3 boys – AND A GIANT GODDANM NIT! And guess which photo mum chose! (I claim now it was fluff on my lens!!!!)Siobhan/Shivi1.

  • Anonymous

    I think that's God's calling card.

    J

  • Anonymous

    Oh such a long long way we've come from delicious apple fritters!

    And no, really, I can't fucking believe it. Wishing you strength, and some sort of toxic (to nits!)shampoo.

    ErinH

  • Corrie

    I really don't want to say we haven't had nits yet because I just know that is going to jinx me! Im waiting for keira to start school and then am expecting them to visit our house!

    corrie;)

  • Paola

    We around here have one family, all the town knows the lice/nits (it is that we're talking about right?) come from THEM and at least twice per year they infect both the schools in town. PLUS the gym. Parents refuse to admit it's them.
    Kids don't GIVE a damn and the whole town is FURIOUS.
    Can you believe THAT???

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