Thank you

For those late to the party I did a shout-out on what you guys did to get yourself through a fug. MAN I LOVE YOUSE ALL.

I’m doing or have been doing much of what was suggested, so it was very beneficial to have it come back to me in terms of a ‘dude, keep going!’ reinforcement.

Mrs Woog made me laugh, which was much needed and appreciated. As did Blackbird, who also had cigarettes on her list and MAN, I don’t even smoke but have I felt like a fag for the last two days OR WHAT! Thirdcat made me chortle because there has been quite a  mindset of ‘let’s do something radical! Like go overseas!’ as if that would solve everything. Carey and Alex are both reading a book called The Happiness Project but even the title shits me. I know I know. I will investigate it… at the library. Janet (and others) suggested new jeans and I have new jeans (purchased a few months ago and man they’re sublime) BUT they need to be taken up and do you think I remember to do this before I need them NOW? Kurrabi Kid reiterated the exercise front and mentioned the garden – it has been a delight having our garden grow and while it’s not putting a huge dent in our weekly grocery bill, we’re working on it. J said to ditch everything and shake things up. Good idea and it’s kinda happening in the morning*. (he (I’m presuming it is J as in Joke but maybe not!?!) also suggested sex but I’m putting that down to the fact he is a MAN and apparently having sex makes everything better**)  Kill (my bf about to have bub#3!) said to pray but that is another whole issue in and of itself. My faith people, I’ve kind of lost it. And so much more – Suse and Mary and Uli and EVERYONE on the god damn interweb.

But I must reserve a special mention for Duyvken. That woman, she speaks with love, empathy and experience. Much of what she said was exactly what I needed to hear. For example:

1. I only opened mail ONCE A WEEK. Thursday was mail day. I’d sit down, open up the bills we had no money to pay, shift the paperwork around paying what was most urgent, writing PAID 8.8.2004 on it with a big flourish and then filing it. Filing those suckers was ridiculously satisfying.

How genius is that! And this:

5. Relish the things that you love to do and make space and money for them. Baking? Stitching? Set a reasonable budget for it but continue to enjoy these things and NEVER feel bad about it.

I’m working on this, really I am. But this,  (with my bold)

6. Recognise when you are feeling frantic (you know when that internal accelerator is pressed and the whirring begins one unexpected bill can turn into an inner dialogue about not travelling the world and living life as you’d imagined it) and be gentle with yourself. It is tempting to pretend to those close to you that none of this is happening but I don’t think it’s wise. Choose a few friends and be open and honest with them about your situation. Everyone has, or has had, issues around money and they’ll probably be very sympathetic. It eases the mental burden quite a lot. 

That internal accelerator? Pressed to.the.floor. for m.o.n.t.h.s.

8. There will always be other people who, on their own paths through life, seem to have more, do more, etc but make an effort to concentrate on your life and family. Celebrate what you and Chef have built, continue to nurture it, take care of one another and remember that you have many reasons to smile.

That woman, speaks the truth she does. Thank you bloss, from the bottom of my heart.

My normal route through and out of these times is the following:
– no alcohol
– exercise
– sleep
– letting things go that I can not change (e.g. my children’s ability to destroy our living room in under a minute)
– baking
– sewing
– time-out for me

Here’s what I have been doing over the last month:
– drinking – not a lot but too much (if that makes sense, and certainly not gin – I learnt that lesson long ago)
– stopped swimming – school holidays killed my 2-3 times a week swim and I haven’t got back into it. SILLY.
– sporadic sleep – going to be staggeringly late for no real reason
– stewing over the state of this house, the car, the yard, my hair, my wardrobe
– I have been baking!
– I have been sewing!
– I had a day sans kids last week but this week’s was wasted.

SO the action plan is:
– I’ve stopped drinking as of last night. Cold turkey.
– I’m going to go for a swim – maybe tomorrow depending how long the meeting goes for*
– Back to the 10pm curfew

Re the money front – I hate going into it because it makes people uncomfortable and makes me paranoid of other’s judgement.

BUT – I am doing a freelance project with my old employer which has been underway for a few weeks so there is that.

BUT it’s not how I want to earn money in the longer term. I have to just accept that while we have two pre-schoolers things are going to be exceedingly tight.

The beginning of this year saw me do a dramatic budgeting process for us and it has gone a long way to eradicating monetary waste – e.g:
– ditching pay-TV,
– stopping gym memberships AB and I never used,
– putting a moratorium on all magazine purchases,
– no take-aways,
– grocery shopping to a menu-plan (I’ve done this in the past too – it saves so much in terms of $$ and food wastage)

I avoid shopping centres and malls unless absolutely necessary and never ever window shop. Haven’t for years. And now I’ve completely lost the knack of it. I don’t see this as a bad thing. Sometimes.

So there you have it. I am, generally, ticking the boxes to get me through this tough time but had indeed fallen off the horse in regard to the personal stuff. So, as we say,

Onward!

* So tomorrow morning I, along with some others (I’m hoping it’s others, otherwise it’s me and one other), are meeting with a political staffer from a very high ranking Federal politician. It’s taken four years to get the meeting. I am very conscious of not.fucking.it.up. ***

** OK, I’m going to send you to You Tube for this because I can not imagine the reaction if I actually posted it here. But the other night I watched the first episode of Dresden: The Inferno on SBS. For those not in Australia, SBS is our ‘multicultural’ station which is basically code for a programming schedule of Inspector Rex, the UEFA cup and anything with titties after 9.30pm. So I started watching this after catching the end of Burn Up on ABC and well, the actor was kinda hot. And then there was this whole forbidden love thing which culminated in this sex scene in a hospital bed and DUDES its impact was just like that of my first reading of the Clan of the Cave Bear series at 13. I’m not sure it carries the same impact when you haven’t had the build up to it, but do you think I can get this out of my head? ANYWAY, turns out the actor, John Light, is married to Neve Campbell, who had been on the show Burn Up I’d watched immediately prior. Every photo I’ve fawned over researched since does not live up to how he looks in that mini-series and indeed, makes him look like he’s walked off the set of Bold and the Beautiful (when from what I can gather he’s actually a rather accomplished Shakespearean actor) but who the fuck cares, he’s hawt in that there bed.  

*** I realise following this with a link to a sex scene from a mini-series is probably the equivalent to well and truly fucking it up but there you go.

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  • Alex

    I totally get that the title of the Happiness Project shits you, it shitted me just thinking about it, let alone reading it!!

    But yay to you for being so proactive and making a list (whammy!) about stuff that gets you through (double whammy!) and just getting on with it.

    A list soothes my soul … so much. That seems wrong!

  • Suse

    We've been shaped to dial up speed, but I just watched that scene on YouTube.

    Oy vay.

  • Suse

    ps. did you know you've got girly pics showing up on your sidebar over there darl? Might want to um, do something about that.

    oh god and now my word verif is cocci.

  • kim at allconsuming

    I KNOW – it's not just me is it. It is hot isn't it. *fanning*

  • Badger

    Dude! I wish I'd had some advice for you, but I handle stress in all the wrong ways. And I do mean ALL the wrong ways. Oy.

  • BabelBabe

    get thee to your ocean and swim.

    and man, you are strong – i could NOT give up drinking.

  • Kill

    It's the times when your faith is shot that you need it most.

  • knittingrid

    You can look at the Happiness Project blog to get a taste of what it's about. I gather that the book has different material than the blog, but still, the blog's been enough for me.