Customer Service Charter

Phew – sorry for that silence there, Optus decided to test my mental health by putting us in internet connection purgatory.

Dear Optus,
I spoke to a lovely lady who had an Australian accent and may even have been based in this sunburnt land regarding the mysterious eatage of our entire monthly data allowance by the 19th of the month. She was very pleasant. We arranged a new plan to kick in at the beginning of next month and interim measures for the rest of the month because you see, I am kind of useless at real-life relationship management so the internet is my sanity saver. It lets me swear on the outside.   
But you see, being lovely and helpful counts for shit if you then don’t put in place the plans that were agreed upon. 
And why, if a new upgraded internet connection plan can be enacted in four hours do you need 48? Just wondering.
I do appreciate your business hours being until 7pm, it lets me share the love that is this house at 7pm with some poor (as in unsuspecting but he may well be the same financially), probably single chap in India. He appreciated my patience a total of 11 times. I did wonder if he appreciated my children screaming in equal measure. Sorry about that but the lego ship, according to Felix, was “MIIIIIIIINE” and that could only be conveyed to his brother at full volume and velocity.
He was very apologetic and after some delicious hold music (was that the soundtrack to some Stephen Soderberg movie?) told me we would be back flying the internet superhighway within two hours. He gave me a very official sounding job code with NO LESS than 10 numbers (SO OFFICIAL!) which gave me no end of confidence the problem would be rectified. 
If a new upgraded internet connection plan can be enacted in two hours, why do you need four or indeed 48? Just wondering. 
I waited. And kept trying. Unplugging things, rebooting others, trying. Waiting. A little piece of me dying with every ten minute block following the two hour window (which was now conveniently outside your office hours). 
This morning’s customer service man only appreciated my patience seven times which I thought was pretty rude considering he was getting the morning show my kids have perfected. You know the one, it involves telling kids to get ready for school 20 times, screaming it about five and then counting and then pretending to chase them up the hallway. Again, he said it would be done in two hours. ANOTHER TEN NUMBER job code. So special. So very special.  
And then, at ten minutes past the two hour window of opportunity we seem to be back. 
It’s only taken four days from the initial phone call. 
So I just wanted to let you know, CUSTOMER SERVICE COUNTS FOR SHIT IF YOU DON’T ACTUALLY DELIVER
The end.
Yours in eternal frustration and fear of slow connectivity,
kim at allconsuming
I’m so back bitches.