Stuff and Nonsense

These two galoots have become firm friends over the last few weeks – it warms the cockles of my heart it does.

I’m saying this because today I seriously would have sold both of them on ebay for a buck fifty.

Dear ME were they in some tag team whingy mcwhingy fest. Mind you, I did find some time out by cleaning two bathrooms – didn’t they all just leave me alone during that fun activity. HOLY CRAP people this family is clearly genetically not that far from swine because sure I don’t do the full bathroom clean that often but even I was shocked, SHOCKED I say, at just how long it took me to get our two small bathrooms back to a level of sanitation which would be acceptable to the World Health Organisation. There was that time I had to lock myself in the bathroom to keep Grover out though, seeing as I told him I was using yucky chemicals and they’d make him sick so he kept patting the bleach on the tiles, looking at me with that, ‘but I want to play with the yucky chemicals and really how bad could it be and I’m just going to keep doing this and grizzling a little ‘no’ at you just to really piss you off and WHAT THE HELL WOMAN YOU’RE LOCKING ME OUT OF THE BATHROOM????’
So once I’d finished with the bathrooms I had a moment of spontaneity and took the boys over to the beach. It was GLORIOUS in Sydney today – blue skies, lovely onshore breeze, lower humidity than normal. We had been there for maybe 20 minutes and Mum is on the hill screaming at us to come home – Oscar had lost one of the guinea pigs. Apart from anything else I was all, ‘what the fuck, Mum must have RAN to get us’. Naturally Jasper cracked it about having to walk up the incline mountain pass so I had to carry his sandy arse. It then stands to reason then that as we were crossing the road and as we got half way (to the traffic island) I told Grover to hold my hand the rest of the way he protested quite defiantly and set about walking back into oncoming traffic to walk the other half of the road on his own thank you very much. It was one of those rare moments where a look was enough for him to get it together and race home.
I could hear Mum barking at Oscar about where did she go, where did he see her go, where did he drop her, why did he run off to his room to cry rather than staying and seeing where she went and so on and so forth.
There I was, in my cossie in our nextdoor neighbours scrummaging around their backyard looking for a tiny mutant* rodent.I kinda yelled at Mum about why the hell was she moving them anyway and why would she get Oscar to carry one of them when Oscar can’t carry or pick them up**.  That was nice. Anyway, I’m digging around in big piles of vegetation waiting to be bitten by a spider and getting a bit worked up that one of my girls is so going to get eaten by a dog. When I give up and head home I’m at our front gate and there’s this flurry of activity that they’ve found her and she’s just gone under the fence into the neighbours. So back I go. This is scintillating isn’t it.  Just remember this is all transpiring with me walking around in what is a really crap swimming cossie.
After a minute or so of panic and diving and ‘have you got her, have you got her’ I had her. Poor little thing I thought she was going to cark it on me right there purely from fright. Jasper wanted to carry her home but seeing as he was a) wet, b) sandy and she was a) about the have a heart attack and b) about to have a heart attack I told him that I was carrying her home and once he had his clothes back on he could have a nice long cuddle and give her some carrot.
CUE: meltdown magnitude TEN.
I did the whole stay calm thing, getting down on his level, telling him we were all worried about Matilda and had all been scared she was lost but that she was very stressed and he needed to get all the sand off him and not be wet.
Let’s just say it ended with me physically carrying him into the shower, holding him under the shower, soaping him up and desanding him, wrapping him in a towel and throwing him onto his bed (which I totally forgot has a completely crap foam mattress on a futon base and I think he hurt his hip when he landed). By which time Grover was cracking it over something like the sky being blue and Oscar was hiding on his bed sobbing his eyes out.

But where was I? These little guys becoming best mates. This is new for me you see, I mean Oscar and Felix were close in age but any of that mateship was more playing alongside each other or Felix instigating a game and Oscar just following along. This is real interaction and games and role playing and then driving each other totally nuts and someone getting hit/shoved/slapped/bitten.
It’s wicked.
Yesterday’s highlight was taking the boys on a ferry ride from Manly into the city and back again, then an ice-cream at Ben & Jerry’s, then dropping dad at work, then picking up some hot chips (SO MANY TREATS!) and then having dinner with my uncle. Funnily enough, none of that was a highlight. All of it was just a new arena to whinge. The ferry became a whinge-a-thon because it was taking too long and then I wouldn’t buy them anything from the shop on the ferry and then we didn’t get off the ferry and have an ice-cream in the city (no time as Chef had to be at work by 2pm) and then [insert anything from breathing to the world turning here].
By the time we got to Chef’s work he was all ‘CHECK YA!’ and I was all ‘DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THEM’.
As it turned out, the bridge which is just along from Chef’s work was about to open so I pulled over and the boys got out to watch this amazing event.

Turns out this totally FREE event was the highlight. As was the calling in to the pet supply shop on the way home. The hot chips hit the spot and then my uncle didn’t show, which all things considered was an absolute blessing.
Oh, Matilda is fine.
Oh, those clean bathrooms? I went into one a few hours later to find the floor wet and the toilet brush lying guiltily on the floor as Grover totally got me back for locking him out earlier.
Onward!
* no really, she is. She has an extra toe on both her back feet. And she’s smaller than Harriet and Harriet picks on her. So yeah, the sibling crapulence even extends to the animals in this house. She’s Mutant Matilda.
** no really, he can’t. It just wigs him out. So we get one and put a cloth nappy on his lap and then he happily has them there for a few minutes before that wigs him out and then we’re done. OK.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • Alex

    Good lord woman. How you retain sanity is beyond me and mightily impressive. AND the fact you did it all in your cossie and took pics is even further beyond me.

    I think the sight of me in a cossie in full view of the neighbours might be enough for several of them to shuffle off this mortal coil.

    We salute you!
    X

  • Anonymous

    And this is why I lurve you.
    You make a crazy, stressful, pure madness day into a fun thing to read.
    I bet it wasn't that fun to go through it though …
    Chapeau, as usual.
    Paola

  • Jodie

    I think I would have jumped from the ferry…….

  • Mary

    I know I shouldn't laugh but I am – you paint the most vivid pictures with your words !

  • blackbird

    Wait!

    The World Health Organisation is checking bathrooms?

    I
    am
    fuckt.

  • Red Dirt Mummy

    I'm not laughing at you. Honestly. Okay, maybe just a little bit. Mostly because you made the fighting between my offspring over a)anything, b)nothing and c)every bloody thing, seem ever so normal. Thanks!

  • Kylie

    Like everyone else has said – not funny for you, but brought a big smile to my face, the way you told it! Hope you look back on these posts in 10 years time, and laugh.