The world according to a 3.5 year old

Wake up

Tell older brother to MOVE from where you want to sit on lounge. Even though there is another entire lounge and indeed other end of said lounge to sit on.
Demand bottle
Announce desire for bweakfast. Ceweal pwease. NO I want toast. With vegemite. And butter. NOT CUT. On a pink plate.
Take toy, regardless of what it is, off little brother.
Hit little brother when little brother screams in protest at having his toy taken from him.
Claim toy as your own as defence for unprovoked attack on brother.
Have complete meltdown when little brother’s toy is returned to little brother.
Stalk little brother.
Scream some more.
Really scream in that dual pitch scream which makes your mother either cry or pitch a complete fit of her own.
Be sent to room.
Demand Poppity.
Break lego ships of older brother while in bedroom for taking toy off little brother and hitting him when he protested.
Draw on pillow in permanent marker.
Stick stickers on wall.
Draw on wall.
Sneak out of bedroom, out front door and come into house through back door.
Grunt at mother when she comments on your return.
Refuse to wear underpants
Refuse to wear pants mother has chosen for you
Refuse to go and choose pair
Play with penis
Tell everyone to ‘look at my penis’
Over and over
Do a huge fart
Tell everyone you did a fart in your bottom
In case they’d missed it

Like idea of going for a walk with Grandmama so get dressed
Refuse to put on socks
Or shoes
Scream about that for a while
Accept gumboots as solution
Happily put on jacket and beanie
Come back from walk
Take toy of little brother claiming it is your favourwit
Rinse and repeat for the following 12 hours or so

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