Another day in paradise

I keep wanting to do the ‘hey! I’m all better’ post but it just ain’t so.

Today was another day marked by panic, jittery tension and general angst.
An absolute party.
Seriously, all it’s lacking is a pinata.
Mind you, I significantly reduced the valium intake today so that may have had something to do with it.
Anxiety plus new drug side-effects.

I wrote that yesterday. Today, despite the flat tyre and broken nose was a smidge better.
Go figure.
But I did make a decision today which I don’t really want to go into here. Email me if you like.
It has removed a component of my anxiety in the short term.

I wrote that yesterday too. It’s about work. As you probably all guessed.
I wrote this yesterday too:
To let you all know that life here at chateau allconsuming is still going on:
– Felix is doing a speech at school tomorrow on the Australian Flag. He practiced it in front of us tonight and
went very well. Jasper then went and got some of the notecards and stood up and did his own speech. Watching him try to put one card behind the other was hilarious.

Felix’s speech went very well but it took 3 minutes at home and only 2 minutes and 6 seconds at school. Oh, and the word geography that we’d been practicing for days? Still came out as geographical.

– Chef saw a new surgeon for his rotting leg this morning. Operation will be some time over the next month, maybe the 27th.

– Grover is almost walking. There’s been lots of standing and then over the weekend we got one or two little steps and tonight there were two goes of three-four steps. He was 10 months on Friday.

– For me, taking life literally hour by hour, there has been laughter and enjoyment with my children.
It’s funny, the din that is their existence is absolutely fine and something I let wash over me in ‘oh my goodness look at what we’ve created’ wonderment. But if someone repeatedly bangs something, or crinkles a piece of paper, or scrapes a fork on a plate then I am the embodiment of that cat in a Looney Tunes cartoon which is clinging to the roof with its claws.

It’s like the world is muffled, muted, blurry with occasional bursts of colour and light and sound through a loud hailer.

I still can’t hold a thought or follow it through to a decision – although I guess there’s progress there as today I thought, ‘oh fuck that nose has got to be broken. Let’s go to the hospital.’

Tonight I made spaghetti and meatballs, which was delicious and made a batch of bolognese sauce for freezing.

Small steps.

I wish I could be upbeat. I wish I could stop being the blogging equivalent of a train-wreck in slow motion. I promise you all radiance and sunlight in the hopefully not too distant future.