The good, the good, the crash

So the boys went back to school yesterday and I was so calm, so organised, so deliciously methodical for the whole entire day it was true b.l.i.s.s.

Today proved much the same although tiring with the big boys swimming lesson this afternoon which always is, well, draining.

Then as I got home.
Just as I came through the side gate.
Not even the front door.
Mum came out to inform me of Felix’s class for the year.
He has a good teacher (according to Mum).
But ALL (A.L.L. as in 3, t.h.r.e.e.) of his closest friends (did I mention there are three of them) are in the extension class.
I can’t tell you what this has done to my mindset.
After all the meetings with the school at the end of last year to discuss possibly repeating him (because while his maths was kicking along his reading was still not ‘up there’).
And all of their advice being “no, you can’t do it to him”
“no, he has formed such wonderful friendships this year, you can’t do it to him”
“no, he is the most mature child in the class, you can’t do it to him”
“it would be so damaging to his self esteem, you can’t do it to him”
“you can’t do it to him”
“you can’t do it to him”
“you can’t do it to him”

So now, they have gone and done it to him instead.
You tell me how having all your friends go into the top class does not undermine your confidence and self-esteem?
I know because it happened to me through my entire schooling.
All of my friends were always in the top class and I was always in the next one down.
It always always upset me because over and over I was told by teachers how I was the most mature, the most lovely to have in the class, the hard worker, the dedicated one and yet, because I never performed well in exam situations never sat on the top of the pile or enjoyed being a part of the cream of the crop.
It really affected my whole self-opinion of myself for a very long time.
Probably still does considering how I am reacting to this news on Felix’s behalf.
I am just so indescribably angry.

am back.
And still angry.
So angry I’m on my second (very large) glass of wine.
Because you know, the mature person in me knows the best way to deal with emotions is alcohol.

Here’s the jip
Or is that jib?
I am so seriously underwhelmed with Felix’s experiences at school.
Lovely teachers sure.
But irrespective of their ability to ‘get’ my child
It always always comes down to an exam result.
So my child, my emotionally intelligent, sensible, creative, imaginative, empathetic, thinker child misses out or indeed gets penalised by being separated from his friends and missing out on the opportunities offered to the kids in the extension class because of an exam result, even though he has an attitude and approach that warrants such inclusion.
At the moment I’m finding relief by pulling on my hair and feeling the tension on my scalp.

Oh local Steiner* school where for art thou?

* OK – so I just went and checked out the Steiner website and there is a local Steiner school. HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THAT??? I am sure it used to only be until Year 3.
Now I’m even more annoyed.

I’m going to go and sulk over at Hey Mum, I’m Hungry!