clearly the cleaning product’s fault

First up I’m not sure if that apostrophe is meant to be there – I’m thinking no as you don’t give ownership to inanimate objects but I don’t have my style guide handy to reference.

It’s irritating me a.lot.

Anyway. I’m blaming it on the cleaning products as people, I just tried to make nougat.
OH BILL GRANGER how I hate thee.
You said it was “easy to make”.
Let’s all say that together. Easy. To. Make.
It’d be easier to recreate my arse from silken tofu.

One: very stressful cooking three forms of sugar together to a specific temperature and it gets effing hot holding a thermometre in a boiling vat of a diabetic’s nightmare.
Two: when you say beat for 2-8 minutes which do you mean. Two? Four? Five and a half? Eight? I have no idea.
You want it to thicken and hold it’s shape. Mine thickened alright but never held its shape.
Oh look, you say, don’t thicken it too much as it will end up like toffee.
Yeah.