The worldwide fug that many of us are currently steeped in made me spend way too much time pondering this thought. Way too much time.
In my post wallowing in all things gloom and rage some anonymous commenter left a little strategy that they employ.
Whenever I feel like I am on a downwards spiral or that everything is going wrong with my life I pull myself up and think, “It is today and I am here. That means I’ve survived everything life’s thrown at me so far.” I guess it’s just a ‘this too will pass’ reminder.
And while some comments often have the completely opposite effect, i.e. trigger some existential crisis in my useless brain, this was just what I needed. “This too will pass” has always been a little mantra of mine and it was great to have someone revive it for me.
So I’ve just plodded on:
- Partially cleaned the boys bathroom which has taken the edge off how overwhelming trying to keep this house on its knife-edge balancing act of being untidy vs a very large petri dish of communicable diseases.
- Tried not to berate myself about the fact that in the last week there have been two loads of washing I’ve had to wash three times as the hanging of said washing wash just too hard as all the other washing had to be unpegged, sorted (and put away in an ideal world) and I just couldn’t do it.
- Returned to keeping a daily log of what I’m eating so when I have a mouthful (or 10) of something I don’t feel like being bulimic for a day or mentally flogging myself to death, throwing it all in (as opposed to up) and eating a ginormous packet of chips washed down with softdrink and cheered on by a support act of a block of chocolate.
- Just sat with the boys and watched the movie Matilda (again) (it’s the last week of school before two weeks of school holidays so there’s no homework and occasional tv on a weeknight). This movie kills Felix as Matilda’s parents are so mean, Miss Trunchbull so scary and the children so vulnerable that he can barely watch it. He cried at the end last night and asked if I would sing them to sleep, something I haven’t done in over a year. So I held Jasper and sung two of the boys to sleep and kept singing until Felix lent across, rested a gentle hand on my arm and said
“that’ll do pig. That’ll do”“you can stop singing now mum”.
- Am trying to remind myself that Jasper’s current sleeping woes (in the process of dropping the day sleep, refusing to go to bed at night, wandering the house in the middle of the night and falling down stairs in the process, spending large parts of the night in our bed as a result etc) and indeed returned allergy to any form of food except toast with vegemite and dry Nutrigrain will also pass. But it is amazing how a child crying himself to sleep wailing for Daddy (when we were both home on Monday night and trying to get him to bed he wailed for WaaWaa – Felix – instead) can impact on your general mental health.
- Made a sensational batch of cumquat marmalade, whose rich golden orange orb is shining forth from the kitchen and lifting my spirits immensely. This success is not to be down-played as for the last two years I have burnt my cumquat marmalade, a situation made far worse considering the fruit had come off a tree I have nurtured for 8 years.
- Allowing myself to just be with Grover and enjoyed his little melodic chats
- Read stories with Jasper
- Cooking up a whole new range of healthy, low fat, nutritious dinners that everyone seems to be enjoying*.
I still feel like my mental health is tenuous at the moment so I am just trying to focus on each day rather than the next week, month, year, five years and beyond and cutting myself some slack, something I find very hard to do.
Normal programming shall return soon.
* that is such a lie. I’m enjoying it. I’m cooking with a bigger range of spices, more fresh herbs, less oil and suddenly it doesn’t seem like we’re eating chicken every other night. It is a very mixed bag of reception in my dedicated audience.
Also – recipes are now being loaded in some sort of ordered way (oh be still my obsessive compulsive anally retentive beating heart) over here. Hopefully when I find a bit more time in the day I’ll be transferring most of my recipes from this blog over there too.