Warning: illness and negativity lie within, go elsewhere for happiness and love for the world

Dear GOD I am SO SICK of feeling like ABSOLUTE FUCKING CRAP.
So here I am, still being freaked out by the weird pigmentation on my breasts that has been there for a.long.time. (as in definitely during the pregnancy and maybe before that but maybe not and how embarrassed am I that I don’t know the answer to ‘how long has this change in pigmentation been on your MASSIVE BREASTS that get in the way of your life EVERY FREAKIN’ MINUTE?”) and the mastitis like symptoms but no ‘real’ mastitis.
Oh there’s mastitis in them there babies.
FAR FUCKING OUT.
I am so ready to ditch the whole game and chug bottles of formula into the kid.
But I won’t.
Because I’m stubborn and STUPID.
*****
So today we met up with my Dad and stepmother in a suburban shopping centre and I was buzzing. I was out! At shops! It was all so clean and shiny and full of beautiful things I could buy! Who knew!
So we bought undies for Chef. And summer Thomas the fucking Tank Engine jarmies for Jasper.
I saw some green ballet flats as we promenaded and am seriously contemplating heading back there on my day when I’ve just got Grover at home to buy them.
Quick as a wick Jasper dipped his finger in Chef’s little dish of chilli sauce and stuck it in his mouth.
Oh LORDY the tears.
Only made up for by his very endearing attempts at saying ‘spicy’ through tears.
And it had FOUR hours free parking. Chef was all ‘because it’s so fucking far from everything’ but I will not be swayed.
Oh shopping mall of my dreams, I shall return.
*****
Lucky he (Jasper that is) was being endearing, as the thwacking Grover across the head with a video cover because I wouldn’t put Thomas the FUCKING Tank Engine of for the ELEVENTY GAGILLIONTH TIME because I had Grover hanging off my DEAR LORDY THIS HURTS nipple attempting to feed from my USELESS AS ALL FUCK breasts was doing little to aid me tap the maternal love for my third child.
Or the hit-of-love this morning I missed but which Felix dobbed him in on.
That’s appalling grammar but I can’t think of a better way to express it. (Did you see how I did that – distract you with bad grammar from the ludicrous amounts of profanity I’m spewing forth.)
*****
Some guy (Tal Ben-Shahar) is on Jon Stewart talking about his class and his book ‘Happiness’ and really, I just want to smack.him.down.
*****
Thomas, oh how I hate thee:
Gorgeous and evil all rolled into one: