Well

I’m really struggling to write stuff at the moment. Basically there is a LOT going on in my world that is making me loose sleep, cry, clench teeth, stress, be cranky and irritable, exasperated, frustrated and generally really really negative. I can’t go into it here because I really would Dooce myself, and while on the one hand I’d really like the outcome of that, in that it would make it all go away, there’s the family to feed etc etc etc.

You know how we’re all meant to be so thankful for what we have? Yeah. At the moment I’m in the “God I hate…” and really? It’s pretty non-discriminatory. For example, God I hate…
– summer
– the sun
– sweating
– chaffing
– having no nice clothes
– have no nice shoes
– how Oscar’s latest habit is to come up to me and ask “What’s next?”… as if I have a daily entertainment program
– or how Felix just constantly wants wants wants
– minivans
– our lack of storage
– heartburn
– restless legs
– a broken tooth and no time or money to get it ripped out
– dentists
– debt
– our car
– the heat
– the dogs
– how our back yard now is a dirt bowl with tufts of grass – how I yearn for thick lush lawn underfoot
– dog shit
– that it doesn’t occur to anyone else in this house (CHEF) to clean anything
– ants
– cravings, that then everyone else wants a piece of – for example: waffles and french toast
– time – or lack thereof
– people with absolutely NO self-awareness
– how no matter how many times I clean the bathroom, no matter how strong the chemicals I use, it still smells like piss
– boys and their poor aim
– my lower back and its general poor performance
– that my mum has a freakin’ desk in the garage, so I can’t park in our spot because when she’s in hers, with the desk, you can’t actually get by to get out of the garage. Getting close to n.i.n.e. months people.
– my mum and her expectation I’m going to help her choose which laptop to get. I’m not.
– my mumm and her penchant for providing a running narrative on my life – for example – this morning, just incase the five hours of cleaning I did yesterday weren’t enough, there was an ant plague in the pantry, that required me to empty it all out, clean and de-ant it all and re-load it. “Have you got ants have you. I’ve noticed them around for a few weeks.” or thisafternoon as I cleaned the car, “having a big clean up are you?”
– that Chef threw out our old vacuum cleaner – the one I kept in the garage to vacuum the car because the one mum impulse bought is useless for trying to clean odd shaped things such as a car. “I thought it was broken.” Of course you did sweetheart, because if you ever FUCKING cleaned the car you would have known it wasn’t broken.
– Jasper’s climing – onto tables, up the ladder to the boys’ top bunk, up the rope wall to the cubby, up into the trampoline. It’s times like these I pine for a quiet child who likes books.
– how filthy this house gets despite my best efforts to clean it. Constantly.
– and so on and so forth.

I’m just waiting for something dreadful to happen so I can come back here, tail between my legs and go all – my GOD hug and kiss your loved ones because we are all so lucky.

But really? Now? I’m looking at another week of stuff I can’t talk about except to say it’s making me miserable.

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  • Jonathan

    I can kind of relate a little today. I have had a banging headache all day. When the significant other is ill, I go and get stuff.

    Today, while having a headache so bad that it affected my vision, I went and bought groceries. I went and bought headache tablets. In the freezing f*cking cold. Wrapped up like an eskimo. Meanwhile she played at being Mrs Internet Knitting Star.

    So you’re not the only one pissed off for stupid reasons.

  • meggie

    What stupid reasons?? They all sounded valid to me, haha.

    I dont know what to say Kim.
    Crapsticks?

  • Surfing Free

    Like you, cleaning or even just trying to tackle the constant mess, drives me MAD! I think I would have at least an extra hour in my day if I only had someone to share the burden of the housework with. Given that I do have someone who I should be able to share it with, I would have lots more than one extra hour of energy if I didn’t have to resent the fact noone was helping me!!!

    Whew! End of rant.

    I hope things at work and home get better and you can start to see that you really are lucky, whether you feel that way all the time or not 🙂

  • Em

    I could put quite a few of your “hates” onto my hate list… eg, never ending heat, cleaning up after everyone… I hope you feel better soon (without something terrible having to happen to remind you how wonderful and full your life is!)

  • h&b

    Chef would shit me too ( sorry, Chef ), but I can see my non-cleaning husband doing something dicky like throwing out the vac.

    Lucky I lord over the bins too, so i’d note this kind of shit going on ( like a distinctive brown bagged Maccas bag occassionally – enjoy your meal, darling ?! Thanks for frikken offering !)

  • Anonymous

    I may have this wrong, but, hang on… is everyone here bitching about their partners?

    I’m sorry I can’t join in. I haven’t got one. And you know what?.. I haven’t got my own family either. So maybe I’ll bitch about something other than my partner and family here… My dickey thyroid. This thing has been making my body temperature do crazy things for the past 18 months and it has been driving me insane. So I’ve been pissed off too.

    I hope that, like things already have for me, improve for you too soon.

  • Kim

    No, not bitching about our partners, well that was not my intention although granted, it seems the point most could empathise with.

    And you know what, if things actually improved in the realm where they are so deeply frustrating and anger-inducing? I would eat my proverbial hat.

  • Muzbot

    damn – my comment seemed to come out as “Anonymous”… Ah well, I’m sure you knew it was me anyway.

    Kim, just make sure you have some tasty sauce on hand when it comes time to eat that hat. I hear they can be quite tough. 🙂

  • joanne

    mmm I think you read my mind and then wrote it all down…