Tonight I got home, late as per usual.
When I walked in, there was video playing on the computer.
I thought, “wow, Chef took some footage of Jasper, excellent.”
Then I had one of those “hang on” moments.
“Hang on, he’s on the blue rug and we got rid of that before he was crawling”,
“Hang on, where is that?”,
“Hang on, what shirt has he got on”
the ka-CHING moment.
I was watching footage of Oscar when he was a baby.

Then all I had was that dull pressing urgent primal ache of love, so overwhelming, for my children that I came over all teary.

There he was, this happy smiley bundle of wonderfulness trundling over the floor, and here he is, standing beside me, tall and broad at 8 1/2, watching himself as a baby and just being tickled pink about it all.

There was so much of him as a baby that is back in Jasper as a baby. The high pitched singy-songy voice, the smile, but most of all – the joy.

And once more I realised Oscar’s world is so far from perfect by the world’s definition.

And yet, to him, it is his world, filled with his family, his dogs, Kim Possible, Star Wars, ice cream, tennis balls, computer games, Lego Star Wars and mummy singing “Close your eyes” and patting him to sleep.

And really, by anyone’s standards, that is a pretty cool life.

And apart from all that, it kinda freaked me out just how like Jasper and Oscar are. Brothers indeed.

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  • MsCellania

    How lovely!
    We have been enjoying our baby videos, which we seldom bring out. The boys are crazy about them.
    Your sons are all lucky to have you, Kim. 🙂

  • Badger

    Aw! I definitely know what you mean, Kim. I often wonder what my boy’s life would have been like without the autism. Would he be into football? Skateboarding? X-Box (which I refuse to get because he would perseverate on it)? All that other stuff boys his age like?

    But you know, he’s HAPPY with his Lego sets and computer and math books. He really is. I see joy on his face every day. And that’s what matters, right?

  • Kim

    Badge – xbox = ADDICTION for ‘kids like ours’. Sure every other boy can be obsessed by this vile construct, but as soon as you bring in a dodgy chromosome, a brain who’s wiring is a bit skewif, or a metabolic system that is just a plain lemon, it becomes the crack of the not-quite-right generation.
    I’m actually surprised you haven’t heard the howling is-that-blood-coming-out-your-ears-yet tantrums Oscar can muster when Star Wars Lego is turned off…