Things I’ve noticed of late:
– I really really REALLY hate anxiety attacks. They suck big time.
– The irony of drugs that are meant to make you feel better making you feel way shittier for oh A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH is only kinda amusing for oh, a DAY. Tops.
– This morning was the first morning in close to a month I woke up a) not shaking b) not completely nauseous – just slightly and c) not totally a bazillion per cent in the grip of an anxiety attack. I’m yet to view this with any level of excitement/thank CHRIST/insert any other expression conveying a sense of of PEACE.
– the moon last week was absolutely remarkable
– I’m losing weight and LOVING being thinner, feeling my hip bones and jaw bone again. But the being SO FUCKING HUNGRY is kind of boring. This is the ONLY good part of my meds at this point in time – that they make me feel so much like crap I don’t really feel like eating.
– We now own two dogs. I am both deeply resentful and absolutely fine with this – I see this as situation as perfectly acceptable proof I am probably bipolar.
– WHY when you basically feel like topping yourself does everyone tell you how fabulous you’re looking – is there some sort of suicidal glow of radiance?
– I know my kids know all is not right in Camelot when they say things like, “mummy, what does overwhelmed mean?” and I reply “just watch me for a few minutes and you’ll know what it is”.
anyway, that’s all.
I have been seriously thinking of not writing here anymore, I seem to have scared Bec off into a far more genteel of space over at The Ladies Lounge and it just doesn’t seem I have anything to offer, but here I am, writing inane shit once more. Maybe the meds are finally starting to work…