Month: February 2006

would be awesome. Awwwwesome if I could just pull myself together and.stop.crying.
Is it tiredness at getting back into the work/life sacrifice? Sorry, routine.
Is it relief at being out of the house?
Is it because of the thinking, “OK, I’m back but I really need a better way of getting here”, but that every way I think about is just on a sliding scale of suckful to really suckful?
Is this is? Is this how I’m going to feel for now until forever. (And yeah, I know it’s not forever but move over, I was wallowing in this vat of mud first.)
Is it because I’m stressed at wondering how can I pump a decent amount of milk a decent number of hours after his last feed for the day so he has fresh milk the next day, but if I stay up to wait for that decent number of hours to pass I am.a.mess. Well, an even bigger mess.
Things that have made me cry this week:
– the kids
– traffic
– the kids
– money
– the return of “mummy, you’re as beautiful as a swan and a princess” – Felix’s standard line to me when I am working.
– money
– traffic – that point when you get a good run and think “yes” only to turn the slight bend and see four long, non-moving lanes of cars. Cars that are way nicer than yours.
– crying – Jasper’s, Oscar’s, Felix’s.
– Felix’s hip – which he hurt again (third time it’s been this bad), could not bear weight on by Wednesday but got the all clear from x-rays and a GP.
– Oscar’s schooling. Particularly when Chef relyed a messge to me from his teacher telling me to relax, that we’ll just take one term at a time and that he is doing great.
– When I discovered Oscar must have had an ‘accident’ at school as I (re)hung the washing on the line and found a pair of school shorts that are not ours.
– Jasper’s crying – the harried “oh dear Lord all hope is lost” crying, that he’s perfected in the car this week.
– the kids
– money
– Olympic medal presentations
– absolute tragedies
– TV commercials
– put anything, ANYTHING! here _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

This afternoon I think I had what would be called an anxiety attack, in that it involved not being able to get a decent sized breath, sweating, crying and mild shaking for oh, about two hours. I’ve had two big cries since and am pretty resigned to the fact I’m going to call Dr J on Monday with a, “I think I need to come and see you a bit sooner than expected” kinda call.

And that just makes me want to cry all over again.

Well, this explains most of it.

Also being seconded into Another Place, as the politicians call it. Interesting couple of months ahead. And yes, I do have to be so f*ing cryptic, actually.

Also The Prof appears to have sprained his heart. Yep. You heard right. Interesting times.

Plus, Dad moved to another hospital which is a bigger effort to reach as of today. Good fun.

Plus, plus I missed tonight’s P&C meeting because, as I said to the Pea Princess, there is only so much you can do, honey.

The moral of my blog tonight is:Forgive Yourself. There’s probably an Aesop’s Fable that will back it up somewhere.

And finally, the pub diagonally behind us sounds like it is hosting a bachelor party on this lovely Tuesday Evening. Guess which establishment is about to taste the School Captain’s wrath?

mtc – but not tonight unless you are the pub.

Bec

I am an advocate for public transport. I know I know, many of you live in countries where only freaks and weirdos catch public transport, but you also have governments who seem to think attacking people is a good way to garner peace, so I think I’m on a winner. It’s cheap, is better for the environment, and as I have come to realise, quite quick.

So, it was a very big decision for me to drive to work with the New Recruit. I never intended to. I was always going to take him in to daycare on the bus with me. Until my workmates laughed when I told them, then looked horrified when they realised I wasn’t joking, then said, “why wouldn’t you drive?” and I was all, “why wouldn’t I drive?! Indeed!” No stinky people who seem to have never heard of deodorant. No middle-aged men sitting spread-legged. No young women never offering their seat to their pregnant sistas. No sardine reminisent crammed journeys. My own music! My own car! Arriving at work looking fresh and clean!

What a pup.

It has taken me N.I.N.E.T.Y. minutes in the car both mornings. Do you know just how much SCREAMING the New Recruit can do in that time, as the car, he does not like. That does not include the parking the car, the getting out of the car, the getting him to daycare and getting me to work component. Which adds another half an hour. It takes me FIFTY minutes door to desk on the bus.

So here are some things I’ve noticed in one hundred and eighty minutes of peak-hour traffic…
– young women drivers are APPALLING. Maybe it’s the oversized sunglasses impeding their vision. Maybe it’s the Apline Lights hanging out of their mouth. Maybe it’s the constant chronic texting because “oh my God, I sor (sic) Trent last night and like, he smiled at me but I was all get fucked Trent, you SUC”. Maybe this seasons gold espadrilles keeps getting caught under the break/clutch/accelerator. Or maybe the tcktcktcktck of their indicators is a great comedown of the Es they dropped the night before.
WHATEVER the reason, they SUCK. They’re selfish, OBLIVIOUS to the bazillion other motorists on the road and are really really pissing.me.off.
– I wonder if Jasper would scream this much on the bus.
– I wonder if I could breastfeed him on the bus if he did scream this much.
– Catching the bus would save me at least about 50 bucks a week.
– Men in Commodores. Read: the company pays for this car. I adhere to traditional work practices and think Australian Business Limited makes sense, as opposed to the fascist, mysogynistic, patriarchal devil spawn it is. These men have never made dinner in their lives. They have no idea where the vacuum is and would express incredulity as to why they should. Their wives do e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. in the home, with the kids and lie on their backs at least once a week for him to relieve all that stress from work. And yet there is still this poisonous, underlying current of ‘in her place’ trickling through these men’s collective psyche. These are the men who think The Footy Show is top quality tv and MMM is awesome. These men dream of getting a blowjob while sitting behind the wheel of their company car and it would not even occur to them to give anything to the blower except maybe throwing her a twenty…
They hog the road. They zoom up the lane that is ending a few cars away rather than merging in a considerate and timely way like the rest of us. They all live in Cherrybrook or Forestville.
– Oh a gap in the traffic, go, Go, GO!
– God I HATE the Wakehurst Parkway/Warringah Road intersection.
– Men in convertibles. Men, it is p.i.t.y. you see in our collective eyes, not envy. You sad, sorry little men.
– Women in convertibles. We all know you are the trophy wife. We all know you work in sales on a womens magazine. Get over it, do that button up on your blouse or maybe get a bigger size in the lycra t, and keep.your.eyes. on.the.road, rather than the visor mirror as you apply your cock-sucking red lipstick. Again.
– This baby calm CD is actually very calming.
– Tradies. Dudes, you are SO late. You were meant to be at work HOURS ago.

– What I’ve said more in two days than in two months:
“We’re almost there”
“I’m back!”
“WHY are you slowing down? WHY? Oh, that’s why. Sorry.”

The end.

and I’m alive and not crying!

It took us 1.5hours to get to work.
It was raining.
People are frightened of rain, that somehow it might splash their car and strip paint off.
Or something.
Jasper had a great day.
He even took the bottle.
He seems relatively unharmed.
I went to work.
Conversed with adults, did some work, ate a salad sandwich and really had quite a lovely time thank you very much.
The boys had done homework, been fed and bathed by the time I got home. (I’m enjoying this while it lasts, which will probably be 2-21/2 weeks.)
I’m feeling much better about Oscar because my Mum said all the right things to me and kinda pulled me out of my quagmire.

But I am very.very.tired.

That is all.

1. Right time::for love




2. Funeral::cage




3. Calculate::maths




4. Believe me::I know




5. Chat::line




6. Anniversary::red




7. Let you down::gently




8. Shout::out loud




9. Sweatsock::stinky




10. Prayer::hope

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