Ode to normal clothes

Oh designers. Oh insanely skinny boys and girls who live on diet coke and cigarettes. Oh crazy artsy types going “woe, yeah, plaid with floral, in a short! Cool.”.


You see the boho skirt is about as fugly as can be. Sure, I am allergic to ironing, but to actually use a fabric that is designed to look crushed, then sew in a gathered waist and horizontal layers is not so much allergy aversion as just plain dumb.

Stretch cotton jersey should be used on nothing else except baby romper suits. The end.

Tops designed to fall off the should not only show the age of the designer and their original obsession with Molly Ringwald, but just indicate the laziness of sweat shop workers. Ditto unhemmed anything.

Unhemmed + cotton jersey = hooker.

Formal shorts are a desperate bid to reinvent causal Friday as workplaces ban denim and chinos become a swear word.
I know fashion designers may have been graced with wacky creativity but most recognise they were noticeably overlooked when actual.brain.cells. were distributed. Here is a Year 7 English lesson to help them along. The word ‘formal’, coupled with ‘short’ is an oxymoron. No, that isn’t a medical procedure, that’s a BIG RED (OK, it can be ruby, fuscia, or cerise) flag saying they.don’t.go.together.

I wonder how long it will be until all those teenagers and early 20somethings come to realise that no, those abnormally large sunglasses are not cool, they just make you look RIDICULOUS.

It is still a bedazzled outfit if the attachments don’t shimmer.

All I want is a simple shirt (without gathering on the bust because hello, if we’re a D cup and a size 16 gathering is bad. B.A.D.) maybe with a funky cuff detail. Classic cut pants and skirts. Is that to much to ask?

Obviously yes. The fact Madge continues to dress in a way to ensure the ENTIRE WORLD knows she does a LOT of yoga, and not how she did in the 1980s should be enough to the world of fashion that there is a decade left well alone.

Seriously, I half expected to come across a WHAM t-shirt and flouro bobbie socks.