2006: The Year of Leakage
First it was the toilet in our bathroom. Leaking from the cistern into the bowl, so you had to turn the water off at the wall to save Warragamba. Chef finally fixed it last week (after about 5 months of it being broken) with a trip to Bunnings and a $5 part. It almost earned him a blowjob.
Then there is the New Recruit’s bottom. I can’t call it an arse yet as even though the farts are putrid, it’s just.so.cute. He simply can not do a poo without it coming up out the back and down the leg. He now hasn’t pooed since LAST Monday. I read he can go for up to 3 weeks. Just waiting for the blow out is kind of exciting. Yes, I am a female version of a sad sorry little man.
Then there are the boobs and while I know people from work read this (hi! see you all in a few weeks!) maybe now is a time to avert your eyes or something because people, they still l.e.a.k. We’re clocking 3 months and it was only last Wednesday I turned up at the inlaws for dinner with two big wet headlights lighting the way. What is even sadder, is I didn’t even bother to ask to borrow a shirt. I just made them all endure it. Mwhahahahaha
Now the toilet in the main bathroom is leaking. Not a normal leak mind you, but out the TOP of the cistern. Who the hell has a toilet that leaks up?
In sympathy with all this, and again, workmates avert your eyes. I’m leaking. I realise this belongs at Obgynorama, but that’s no fun. I have no idea why – maybe it’s like the before show entertainment of the return of my period. Maybe it’s just celebrating the fact sex is back on the menu (yes, I was a bit slow in the uptake of that special). Who the hell knows. It’s just manky and weird. Say hello to my albino period.
(And stop it. I can hear you all heaving a collective sigh of relief over here.)