The Silent Scream

Right now, all over the world (well, the comparatively wealthy internet connected world anyway) blogging mothers of sensible natures are going: Only With A General Anaesthetic, Dude.

And why?

Well for this, of course:

Kelly Preston-Only-Famous-For-Marrying-John Travolta Urges Katie Holmes to Have Scientology Approved Silent Birth Even Though Her Own Attempt At It Failed MISERABLY

Okay, admittedly that’s not quite the headline they used at MSNBC.

But they shoulda.

Now I had to think for a while as to whether I was qualified to comment on this one.

Baby Number One: the lady down the hall who was induced after me and gave birth before me? Major Screamer. Me? Major Tongue Biter, ending in emergency caesar.

Babies Number Two and Three: I had by then met the gynaecologist’s wife who offered the sage advice, “At all costs, protect your fanny”. So when my OB said, “Hmm, twins now and a previous caesar… well if you really want to try for a natural birth we could possibly…” I whipped out the trusty filofax and booked the elective c-section quick smart.

So what do I know about the screaming?


1. Screaming chick had her baby SOOO much faster than I had mine. Who knew?

2. There are only two ways to a quiet birth: epidural or general anaesthetic. And of these two ways only one will really work because the worst kept epidural secret is? They.Let.It.Wear.Off.Just.When.You.Really.Need.It.

3. It matters not a pinch of shite how much you scream during birth. NOTHING will stop you screaming for the 10 years beyond it.


PS – this one’s for Kim. You still got a bellyful of arms and legs, sweetie?