When you have a day that starts without seeing your children because they’ve slept in and you’ve left early (because tomorrow you’ll be late due to an IEP meeting – individual education plan – for one of them and you’ll have to leave early on Thursday as your normal arrangement has fallen through).
When the next step in that day is a phone call from your five year old sobbing uncontrollably on the phone saying he loves you and wants you to come home because he doesn’t want to go to school today.
When you realise that for most of your conscious life you have stoically been the ‘good girl’ – either to make up for the appalling baby/toddler you were or because you’re told to be by the extended family as your parents go through a divorce only to come to the realisation that nothing good has ever really come from being the good girl.
That being the ‘good girl’, that doing the right thing, that being considerate, thoughtful and well-intentioned will always ALWAYS be misconstrued as controlling, self-motivated and completely unappreciated – and quite regularly criticised.
That being the ‘good girl’ and defending family members from the appalling behaviour of others (while they lay down like a dying dog and take it) to then see my relationship with that person obliterate while the person I was defending goes on to have a normal relationship with the person with no discussion/repercussions/holding-to-account ever taking place.
That being the ‘good girl’ sucks.